The Seven Worst Songs Of All Time

Categories: Music

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Whenever these tunes get played, I hide under a rock for four minutes -- actually, five, just for safety's sake.

They are easily the seven worst songs in history.


(7) "Mr. Roboto" by Styx

I would have ranked this a little higher, but its sheer kitschy audacity, pulled off in a sort of nouveau Spinal Tap way, is mildly contagious, albeit in a please-don't-play-that-thing-again-ever kind of way.

Domo arigato.

(Or if you prefer: chicken oreganato.)


(6) "Need You Now" by Lady Antebellum

I don't need this now -- or ever. It's a syrupy, overbaked casserole of faux longing that always sounds like a cocky-doo-doo Taylor Swift reject.

Hey, Lady -- hush!


(5) "Little Willy" by Sweet

The Brit glam-rock band weighed in with this airy and incomprehensible ditty about a "little willy" that just won't go home. Been there, but still, this song was just ludicrous! It's even worse than "Billy, Don't Be a Hero"!


(4) "Country of the Red, White, and Blue" by Toby Keith

I've never even heard this one -- and hope I never have to -- but still, can't you just imagine?


(3) "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" by Wang Chung

I hate when a band's name is mentioned in a song lyric, especially when the name has something to do with masturbation. It's too, I don't know, masturbatory. This creepy hit was a little bit better than the same group's robotic "Dance Hall Days," but on the other hand it was way worse, if you know what I mean. What a bunch of jerk-offs.


(2) "Sussudio" by Phil Collins

Musical garbaggio that in my mind could have been the theme song for the Third Reich, it was that insidious and evil. Audio has never been this hateful. Except for ...


(1) "Don't Worry, Be Happy" by Bobby McFerrin

This hard-to-listen-to easy-listening "classic" always makes me worry! And retch! And shake in hideous anticipation of every faux-calming syllable!

And the video! Yuck! I'm worried all right -- that the song might play again! Make it stop!
Bobby McFerrin should be stopped at every airport for threatening democracy with his music!

Agreed?



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87 comments
Cherryloka1983
Cherryloka1983

I hate "sussudio". But after watching "American Psycho" I wanted to shoot Phil Collins. Don't ask why. Its kind of a "shoot the Baker if the muffins are making you fat" sort of situation.. hehe

Chris G Lee
Chris G Lee

I have always thought "Trapped In The Closet" by R. Kelly is absolutely terrible.

JustAGuest
JustAGuest

The Dutch version of 'Barbie girl' is truly awful.

Jake
Jake

Stevie Nicks doing "Landslide". Anything by Cher.The most awful vibratos ever. Absolute audio assault and battery.

Pianobillf
Pianobillf

Whatever it is, it's from the 70's.

women shoes
women shoes

Well call it worst, but their might be some people who like it !....It depends on peoples mind.....but i personally agree this post !

Jennifer
Jennifer

You forgot the Macarena!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

David
David

"American Pie"

latenitebump
latenitebump

power of love jennifer rushthe gambler madonnafunplex b 52 skylie minogue locomotionanything by sigue sigue sputnikbabra streisand woman in love

mYtY
mYtY

i always hated wang chungs everybody have fun tonite and sussidio phil collins, and dont worry be happy.. also the worst: if u love somebody set them free- sting, moneey for nothing-dire straits, 

Wicketitty
Wicketitty

Michael you forgot Honey by Bobby Goldsboro!!!  Gag reflex!!!

Fernando Velasquez
Fernando Velasquez

i'm sorry but this is a really bad list. first and foremost, it doesn't have the worst song ever, "last christmas" by wham!

Bobby
Bobby

No .. Clint Holmes'Playground in my Mind (my name is Michael, I got a nickel)

the worst!

bsomers
bsomers

Anything by Madonna [except "Bad Girl" and "Papa Don't Preach"]Olivia "I Honestly Love You"Dionne "I'll Never Love This Way Again"Anything by John MayerAnything by Michael Jackson after "Off the Wall"

StevyB
StevyB

And don't forget Bobby Goldsboro's other upchucker -- "Watching Scotty Grow."  And while we're on the subject, how about Mike Douglas' "The Men in my Little Girl's Life."

dsmith
dsmith

You're not even close.....Bobby Goldboro's Honey and Bobby Vinton's Roses are Red were played in between waterboardings.

Ipswich
Ipswich

"1-2-3 Red Light" or any of those other bubblegum songs.

Also, "Party All The Time" by Eddie Murphy.

And anything by LaToya.

Kevin
Kevin

Anything by Harry Chapin.    I can't stand any of those "I'm a man, and I've got a song, and I've got to sing it" types.  

HollandReader
HollandReader

Celebrate by Kool & The Gang.  Nothing clears a dance floor quicker, does it?

Scruff712
Scruff712

Excellent choices, but I still think the all time worst song is "having my baby" by paul anka for so many reasons. Listen to it again, if you dare, and you'll see.

Mr. Cairo
Mr. Cairo

In the Year 2525 - Zager & EvansAnything by Bryan Adams

Horst Graben
Horst Graben

"Ron L'énvoi" by L. Ron Hubbard [album "rode to free dum"]"I'm in you", "do you feel like I do?" and "do you want me to continue?" by Peter FramptonAnything by UB40 and every other "Ska" band"Keepers of a lonely heart" by Yes... John Cougar Mellencamp... Cyndi Lauper"Pina Colada song" by some evil person"Kokomo" by the Bleach Boys ... Courtney Love (oh, I already covered her in all of the above)

w00fers
w00fers

yummy yummy yummy...ohio expressthe night chicago died...paperlace

Stu0617
Stu0617

The songs that I cannot stand are Sometimes When We Touch, Chuck E's In Love, Hold Me Thrill Me Kiss Me and anything from Michael Bolton.

Ipswich
Ipswich

"Breathe"--Faith Hill. Yuck.

"Morning Train:--Sheena Easton

Melinda9
Melinda9

Movin' Out by Billy Joel (heart attack-ack-ack-ack)

mjm
mjm

-that techno song I Want You to Take Over Control-Jeopardy by the Greg Kihn Band-Seasons in the Sun by Terry Jacks-Muscles by Diana Ross-Rollin by Limp Bizkit-Friday by Rebecca Black-I've Never Been to Me by Charlene -Super Bass by Nicki Minaj-Milkshake by Kelis-How Do You Do by Mouth and Mcneal-Love You Like a Love Song by Selena Gomez (that's all she says in the damn song)-Sexyback by Justin Timberlake-Nothing's Gonna Stop Us Now by Jefferson Starship (what's worse than We Built this City is the theme from Mannequin, with the lyric "stand in storm forever", that's not a typo)-Brandy You're a Fine Girl by Looking Glass-Get Dancin' by Disco Tex and the Sex O Lettes-Butterfly by Crazy Town-any recent remake of a song (i.e. Mariah's remake of Def Leppard's "Bringin' on the Heartbreak", Sheryl Crow's remake of Guns n Rose's "Sweet Child o Mine", Celine's remake of Heart's "Alone", etc.)-Let Her In by John Travolta (yes he released a single during the Sweathog years and it is terrible)-Mr. Saxobeat by Alexandra Stan-the original McArthur Park by Richard Harris-You've Got to Be a Hustler by Sue Ryan (this British singer from the '70s I think that's what her name was)-Barbie Girl by Aqua-anything by Herman's Hermits, Justin Bieber, Fergie/Black Eyed Peas, Britney Spears, Insane Clown Posse, the boy bands of the '80s-'90s, Ke$ha, the Spice Girls, Christina Aguilera, Jessica and Ashlee Simpson LaToya Jackson, Silver Convention

Anne Thrax
Anne Thrax

Anything by Phil Collinzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Guest
Guest

I've always hated Margaritaville by Jimmy Buffet.

asses
asses

Second, third, and fourth the hate on We Built this City, Need You Now, Loving You, Muskrat Love, and Afternoon Delight. God how I shudder just typing these. But honestly, any song where the singer is on autotuner - most pop these days - is just horrific and makes my ears bleed. I'd rather hear the loathesome "Margaritaville" for hours on end than hear one more goddammed autotuned voice.

Monsieurpatric
Monsieurpatric

Objectively dears, that British pub tune set to 1812 battle lyrics, The Star Spangled Banner, is dreadful songwriting and unsingable.  It's a loser at pageantry.  It's been the Congressionally-approved national anthem only since the '30's.  Time for a new contest and an anthem that's at least hummable.

Susan A.
Susan A.

Anything by Yaz or Erasure! I know that will get me deleted from some on-line social circles!

Sandra
Sandra

I seriously thought I was the only one who couldn't stand that f**king "Need you Now" song. I hate that stupid whining BS song that makes no sense. Every single radio station that plays it needs to just get over it and let it f**king DIE.

Lost Weekend
Lost Weekend

"I've Never Been to Me" - Charlene.Anything by Whitney HoustonAnything by Mariah Carey.

Matt
Matt

No "Hey Soul Sister?" in this mix?  Any such list is incomplete without that tripe.

Mr. Roboto - at least it was kitschy, and catchy!  (although, yes - tripe).  And "Don't Worry Be Happy"? - there are many worse songs than that. 

Even though it's not Christmas season yet - "Last Christmas" should have made this list. 

Of course, we should all remember that there are way more terrible songs out there - these are all just really the ones that drive us nuts because they're overplayed.  In that vein - let's also add in "Can you feel the love tonight?" by Elton John.  Thank God they've finally quit playing that all the time on the radio. 

Smartie
Smartie

Little Willie ROCKSBilly Joel sucks

Melinda9
Melinda9

December 1963 (Oh What a Night) - don't like the 4 Seasons in general, and hate this song in particular.

Jeff Dowd
Jeff Dowd

Party all the time  is so ridiculously bad that it crosses over to being funny.  I have actually listened to other songs on that album and it gets much much worse - the other songs are just sad.

Barrys
Barrys

C'mon, man. "Hold Me, Thrill Me, Kiss Me" is the greatest example ever of "vanilla soul." Of course, you gotta hear it by Mel Carter, not some remake.

Lost Weekend
Lost Weekend

But the best part of "Get Dancin'" by Disc-o-Tex and the Sex-o-lettes is when they all yell out, "F**k You!" at 4:29 into the song (or, if you have 45 single, it's on Side 2).  When the fire department raided Pier Nine in late 1974 for violating Washington DC's occupancy rules, they forced the crowd to leave; once the fire dept. left, the owners let everyone back in and the DJ starts playing the music again, pointedly beginning with this song's resounding "FU!"  (Guess you had to be there.)

Melinda9
Melinda9

Great list, but I think Herman's Hermits had some fun, fun to sing songs: I'm Into Something Good, There's a Kind of Hush (maybe that's it, but still...)

Jefferson
Jefferson

"Leave Me Alone" by Michael Jackson

"American Pie"--Don McLean

"We Are The World"

"Yo Are So Beautiful"--Joe Cocker

"For The Longest Time"--Billy Joel

Lost Weekend
Lost Weekend

You do realize that you can only hit those high notes if you're really drunk.  That's why they play it at all sporting events.  Everyone's royally pissed by the time the game starts.

Melinda9
Melinda9

'I've Never Been to Me' makes me think of Priscilla Queen of the Desert, and then I think of Guy Pearce with the baby doll and laugh.

mjm
mjm

Train sold out when they did that song (even though "Drops of Jupiter" was their first crossover hit.) but it's in EVERY commercial and movie trailer now.

and whoever put Jimmy Buffett down, I completely agree. I don't know what his appeal is, except that baby boomers always sell out his very expensive concerts (next to Clapton, Bob Seger, Stevie Nicks and U2, his tickets are the priciest but the HIGHEST price of concert tickets has to go to Barbra Streisand).

Jeff Dowd
Jeff Dowd

you're list is better - i absolutely despise every one of those songs - especially American Pie.  hiding under a rock for 5 minutes doesn't help with that one.

Rogie
Rogie

Agree (not the 1st time) with Melinda9. There's a thin line between camp and bad taste, and Charlene mostly straddles it while the other two leap way beyond it, with Celine Dion farther out there than anyone else. Ever heard a marching band play My Heart Will Go On? One campus had a band smart enough to play it for laughs during practice, and it convinced me that if a song won't be able to stand the marching-band treatment, then it's indisputable awful.

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