What I Have To Be Thankful For

By Michael Musto Wed., Nov. 23 2011 at 9:30 AM

Categories: Advice

I'm alive.

I don't have allergies to anything edible.

Some of my old outfits are coming back in style.

I just found some change in the couch.

Celebrity gossip has gotten un-boring again.

I'm getting the Pauline Kael book for my birthday.

I stopped drinking diet soda.

Jack's 99-cent store just got a stash of gourmet vegetable medleys.

The Republicans are really fucking up.

I've finally gotten used to wearing 3-D glasses.

I don't lose gloves as often as I used to.

I was right when I said the Golden Globes weren't really mad at Ricky Gervais. That was all PR baloney. He's back. I like being right.

My sink was fixed.

I just got an uncut copy of Born Innocent with Linda Blair.

I can be openly gay next time I'm in the military.

I've trained everyone around me to treat me like gold.

And I have you, dear readers!

Thank YOU, kittens, for bringing your arsenal of witty repartee here every day, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving filled with gratitude and dead poultry.

We Recommend

Gregorama

And multiple thanks to you, too, Michael, for keeping your twisted little band of followers always entertained and informed. You are an overflowing cornucopia of joy....and I'm also giving thanks for your suggestion to get the Forever Lazy onesie outfit (mine is mauve). I'll actually be wearing it to Thanksgiving dinner. And I won't have to do the embarassing after-dinner "loosening of the belt" ritual....these things are so roomy, you can just eat and eat and eat with impunity (and I don't think I need to mention the convenience of that trap-door panel in the seat!! HEE HAW!!). These things---Michael Musto and my Forever Lazy---are what I'm thankful for!

Musto

thanks, gregory. happy turkey to you. I think we'll all be wearing forever lazy well into the new year.

Michele Korolow

Just found out that 1-800-BUTTERBALL is not a phone sex line. Embarrassing.

latenitebump

hope you get stuffed! :)

Michael Khalsa

Thankyou Michael. Love your writing, you are a gooble.

Southern Dave

I'm grateful for a columnist who is wicked fun, dishy, serious when appropriate, a soo-poib theater and social critic. And just has a good time writing, so that we can have a good time reading

And who gives us a place to natter on and gnash our molars about the trivial and the not-so.

Now, bitch, if you'd just bring back the occasional Blind Items columns -- which I used to LIVE for -- you'd cement your place in the Pantheon of Pen-Pushers!

Musto

Thank you, Dave. Happy turkey to you. And there will be a fab blind items column in just a matter of weeks.

Jesswis

You forgot 'I am getting hotter with age' Michael!

Melinda9

So glad you stopped drinking diet soda - that stuff is poison.

Ynnocence

Hey one happiness at a time! What non-boring celeb dish? You've got a birthday? You of all people should know that just having Pauline Kael, Ricky Gervais, and Linda Blair out in the same blog means you're stuffing too much in the same tiny opening. Follow-ups on each item, please!

You're welcome, BTW.

Savannah Montgomery

I hear ya on the gloves thing...still working on umbrellas though.

And a very thankful one to you too!

I polished the silver (really), made turkey stock,yesterday...bird is semi-defrosted (crossing fingers for tom'w)...making the "gore-may" dishes of my childhood...asparagus souffle where the asparagus comes out of a can...Green Giant Lesueur (that's the gourmet part).