Celebrities' New Year Resolutions For 2012!

Categories: Advice

220px-Justin_Bieber,_April_2011.jpg

I've exclusively gotten these resolutions from famous people who are hoping to stay famous in the new year.


*Justin Bieber

"I'll smile for the first time! Even when people say I impregnated them!"


*Julie Taymor

"I'm sticking to staged readings of two-person plays and an occasional radio show. No more head injuries!"


*Charlie Sheen

"No talking. No mouthing off. No self-sabotage. Not a word. No speech at all! No, really!"


*Donald Trump

"No talking. No mouthing off. No self-sabotage. Not a word. No speech at all! But let me just say ... No, really!"


*Barbra Streisand

"I might pick up the tempo here and there, but only during the bridge, and only when I'm singing in the shower. And those Gypsy songs needs to be slowed down! 'Have an e-g-g-r-o-l-l ... Mr. G-o-l-d-s-t-o-n-e ...'"


*Britney Spears

"I won't sing live for the 15th year in a row! Hey, it's working for me."


*Angelina Jolie

"More babies for me!!! I haven't picked one out (or popped one out) for a while, and the career's hurting as a result. I mean Bosnian documentaries? Please! Prepare for more of my incredible mothering skills! Lock up your sons and daughters!"

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4 comments
Cordelia
Cordelia

Maybe Justin WILL smile--just to show that he's been using his own singing toothbrush.

Franz
Franz

Thank you for saying that about Streisand!! Why does she milk every note down to molasses??? Ugh.

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

The Streisand one made me bust a gut!!  Scarily, that could happen (artfully mixed with "Happy Days Are Here Again"...or anything else)

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