Disney World Sucks, Actually

Categories: Advice

disney-world.jpg

Some years ago, I got to finally live my lifelong dream of going to Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida.

I was horrified.

I knew the place was going to be blandly generic, but it didn't know it was going to be that blandly generic.

And I had no idea you had to choose from four theme parks, each one with separate admission. I blindly assumed you got to see them all (especially since I was comped!).

My friends were begging for Epcot, but I insisted on the Magic Kingdom, knowing that was just the kind of glitzy fantasyland for my tired ass.

But it was boring, kids.

There were lines filled with icky-looking families.

Plus there weren't that many rides I could go on (since I hate anything that drops), so as three-year-olds excitedly lined up for roller coasters, I stood and watched in terror!

And there was no momentum to the day, as we just kind of strolled around from non-activity to non-activity.

Even the wandering Disney characters seemed not that into it, no doubt hawking screenplays on the side.

I probably should have gone on Space Mountain, just so I wouldn't have left with such a blank expression.

Actually I wouldn't have left at all -- I would surely have croaked, enabling my remains to join Walt's in the cryogenic castle.



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52 comments
bit3yourlip
bit3yourlip

Okay, let me just clear things up.

Whoever wrote this is OBVIOUSLY PESSIMISTIC. It doesn't matter if you're optimistic, opportunist, or anything- you will like Disney, unless you are an asshole like the writer.  You obviously just suck the life out of everything, don't you? If you don't like coasters, why would you even go to an amusement park? 


If you watch 6 year olds line up for puny roller-coasters, you are a pussy. I have a 9-year-old brother and 12-year old sister who went on KINGDA-KA, while you won't even go on a coaster with a tiny drop? I've been to Magic Kingdom, bitch, and the rollercoasters? They are NOTHING.


Don't go commenting against this. It's my fucking opinion... and perhaps a lot of people's opinions.

floridianfool63
floridianfool63

I agree with the writer. Although, he should have gone to EPCOT. Epcot is more for adults. That said, WDW just opened yet another animatronic ride in The Magic Kingdom. So generic. Seems like all the rides are the same.

mrsftbl
mrsftbl

We are sitting in Orlando now trying to figure out what to do. We used one of our three days at the Magic Kingdom and we didn't enjoy it at all. To busy and to long of lines for a 3 and 5 year old to wait. We called and can't get any money back on the other two days so no we are stuck. We sent $1500 on three day tickets and are screwed. That is one reason Disney sells based packages that are not refundable, transferable and expire in 14 days. There are people that don't like Disney but they get criticized because they don't. Point is when you spend all the money for the trip and decide you don't like it there is nothing you can do but lose the money. I suggest just buying one day first and really see if your family enjoys it.

kgg123.kg
kgg123.kg

lol anybody who writes anything bad about Disney world is incredibly stupid first of all. Second of all if your too big of a pussy to get on a ride that drops then obviously no theme park would be fun to you. There are 6 year old kids who get on space mountain and come off perfectly fine loll. The problem is people like you expecting it to be bad so your gonna have a shitty time regardless of what you do. Oh yeah and if your life long dream is to go to a theme park you need to get out a little more dude lmfao get a life.

maddz117
maddz117

What the heck! When I read this I had to pick my jaw up from the ground. I cant believe somone would write something so horrible. I have several points to make:1. if you dont like rollarcoasters, why go to an amusement park? 2. If you cant afford to do disney right and go to all 4 parks then you should not complain about your lack of a good time. 3. there are nasty people in lines in every single amusement park in the world, it comes with the scenery. 4. The Disney cast members are some of the nicest people I know and take pride and joy in their work. 5. My only explanation for why you dont like Disney is that you are a whiner who thinks he's above it all, and cant let loose and have fun. I know people like you, who think theyre cooler than everyone because they dont like Disney, but really its just sad.

eelainea1965
eelainea1965

Wow, what a whining, loser you are! Hope you (and any other pitiful, self-absorbed critics with personal problems) stay far, far away from my magical home-away-from-home!!!

m_zwebner
m_zwebner

If you like dropping 5 to 10 grand on a hotel stay, frozen barf burgers, and rides that haven't been updated since 1980, go there. Oh and PS, you have to wait in line for eternity just to get on that boring 1980's roller coaster!

m_zwebner
m_zwebner

Overpriced, long lines, boring...

JC
JC

ok, so you are suppose to get a package deal so you can go to all theme parks and stay in a Disney Resort. I have been 5 times so far and every time I have loved it. if you don't like rides, why did you even go to Magic Kingdom. Sounds like you set yourself up for failure dude

LJB
LJB

I have been to Disney World two times and it didn't suck at ALL! so parents who read what's above divot believe him/her. I an also going again very soon and we had towns up our minds to see where we would go for our vacation and out of a cruise, NYC, and San Diego Calf. we chose Disney World. So don't take his advice!

disneyyloverrr
disneyyloverrr

omfg disney is the best place ever. i go every year to all 4 parks, its so fun and it makes me feel like i'm a kid again. your 100% crazy. who hates disney world? wth man

Loki100971
Loki100971

If you go to Disney and don't have a good time it's more than likely because your an asshole! You are the kind of person that sucks the joy out of most things under the assumption that sinical additude makes you cool. In reality your just a miserable puke.You need to losen up allow youself to be taking in to the fantasy if only for awhile. The fact of the matter is Disney is incredible in ways you can't even fathom. One more thing if you are bored in your life in what ever your dong it is because your are a boring person!

Volleygirl52
Volleygirl52

Wow.  First of all, Magic Kingdom is definitely aimed toward younger people.  It's a really magical experience for them, so if you were going for the first time as an adult and expecting it to be extremely thrilling (even though you don't like thrilling rides), I have no idea what you were expecting.  Sure it's extremely commercial and a bit of a money pit, but you didn't really found your critique on anything solid...you probably should have gone to Epcot.  And you can't get into all of the Parks with one cheap ticket because you can't possibly do more than one park in one day (unless you are very energetic!).  As someone earlier said, just get a park hopper ticket if you're planning on spending time there and seeing them all.  You didn't give Disney a chance...do your research and experience more before you offer such a negative critique.  I'm sorry you didn't enjoy it : (  Disney World has always been a special place for my family and I, and it's sad you won't have that experience.  

Bob
Bob

you did not do your homework, Disney can be great fun and their is so much to chose from, also you can get into all parks with certain passes. I sound like to me you just winged it and then place jugement on Disney. Next time you go somewhere do some looking ( maybe a travel agent  ) they can save you some money, plus some include air/hotel fare together.

Jk Kaur
Jk Kaur

OMG people dont lisen to him i went there and had an alsome time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sanmiguelcoffee
Sanmiguelcoffee

let me tell you he is right. Its so big and commercial that no one cares about you employees are hateful and its really expensive. Its really for little kids and i mean little, My daughter is 4 and it was almost to cheesy for her.The manager at the all star sports hotel was not nice and they really had aweful customer service. I booked my tickets two days prior to the trip and selected the wrong meal plan. Well i called to change it and they were closed for the holidays/ Well when i got to the hotel no one was there that was able to change it , but once we checked in they dont allow the meal plan to be altered. Trust me go to the beach or six flags or universal studeos its way better and worth the money. DIsney doesnt even give you a free pencil in your hotel meaning you hav eto buy everything .

Mr. Jefferson
Mr. Jefferson

Mr. Musto,For the bold statement you are trying to make, your article (a term of which I am using quite loosely) is incredibly unprofessional. For starters, your post is more or less a collection of complaints than a well-developed argument. I've seen tweets that develop better arguments. To even begin to say that "Disney World Sucks, Actually" is truly absurd based on the facts you gave from your single experience. For one, I would like to hear what all you have seen in your life if you find all the intricacy and wonder of Disney World bland. Also, you said that you had a very boring day, "strolling around from non-activity to non-activity." Perhaps next time you might want to elaborate on what these "non-activities" were. You also said you couldn't go on many rides because of your dislike of drops, yet the rides and attractions without drops greatly outnumber those with drops. Some of the more tame, yet enjoyable attractions include: Pirates of the Caribbean, The Haunted Mansion, The Hall of Presidents (but I'm sure you hate America too), Peter Pan's Flight, Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin, Mickey's PhilharMagic, Monster's, Inc. Laugh Floor, Walt Disney's Carousel of Progress, and many more. There are definitely pleasant attractions for all types of folks. As an 18-year old, I find all of the aforementioned attractions very amusing and entertaining.

Also, I find your comment about the "icky-looking families" horribly unprofessional. It is a very haughty statement to make. Disney World was founded on the ideal that it could be a welcoming place for families to vacation. Your statement is overly judgmental and comes across as very conceited and pretentious. Then again, I'm assuming your stellar freelance writing puts you in a demographic way above those lowly Disney tourists anyway... Good thing you don't plan on returning to Disney World or you might have to associate yourself with them again.

Coolkat11111
Coolkat11111

I clicked on this link just so I could read Somone's opinion of one of the most visited places in the world. So you go to a theme park and then you complain about not being able to go on any rides that had "drops." you are a complete idiot and you should be payed not to write articles.

Lisa Pereira
Lisa Pereira

I dub thee troll. Or at least lazy ass writer who should give his check back to The Village Voice.Your artwork isn't at Disney World at all but Disneyland.  What did you do roll about of bed with 2 minutes to deadline? With a fear of dropping there were still multiple rides and other things to do. The only coaster you might have seen a 3 year old on would be the Barnstormer. If you are afraid of that you have bigger problems. What you only got comped 1 day and you are pissed cause you didn't see it all? Really cause I'm going to fuss the next time I have 1 day in NYC and can't make it to all 5 boroughs. You wouldn't have come out any better going with your friends choice. You'd hate Epcot too and Hollywood Studios and Animal Kingdom. Icky looking families? Highly probable but I direct your attention to NYC. Have you actually seen some of the people who live in your city?

Adminspecialistonline
Adminspecialistonline

You obviously formed your negative opinion about Walt Disney World Resort without really doing much research about the resort.  In a way, I'm glad you had the opportunity to visit because now that we all know that you don't like it there and have no appreciation for Walt Disney World Resort, you, the scum of the earth, won't be going back there again.  Good Riddance!

Reality Check
Reality Check

He didn't know admission costs or that there were 4 parks? LIE  He knew that his park  of choice was the magic kingdom? LIE  Plus, the dude went "several years ago" and is only writing about it now? LIE  A writer that doesn't research is not a writer. My bet is that the economy has hit is family and he told his wife that his dream was to be an editorial writer and that his wife was willing to put up with anything (including BS) from him to get off his butt and finally make some money and purse his dreams. He used "I" so many types, it was obvious we were dealing with a a pathological liar and an egomaniac.

B.
B.

It's too bad your writing isn't funny like your TV appearances are.

Sarah
Sarah

What? This is the most poorly written article (is this even a real article?) about Disney World I've seen in a long time. The author seems to be simply complaining about his lack of planning. Not everyone likes the Disney parks, but for someone who claims it was his "lifelong dream" to visit Disney World, the author has an unusually high level of ignorance about the subject.

Otto678
Otto678

icky looking families? I guess you must be really good-looking and need to vacation where only fabulous people go. 

MC868
MC868

Please, don't return to Walt Disney World, its too crowded with those of us enjoying ourselves already.

Gary Chambers
Gary Chambers

As my avatar will connote, I'm a fan... but a thoughtful, well spoken, educated one.   I hold no delusions about the four theme parks.  They are manufactured magic; theater on a grand scale requiring the suspension of disbelief.  This is no different than attending a stage play, musical, or motion picture.  Fans and even Disney will tell you that the Magic Kingdom itself is staged such so that as you physically enter the park, what you see is a metaphor for the curtain rising and the credits rolling (the windows on Main Street USA).  

If you were unable, or unwilling to detach from life's harsh realities, then you sabotaged your own experience, making it vacuous and unfulfilling.  You refer to the Magic Kingdom as "blandly generic".  I am compelled then to ask, if it is generic... then where else can it be found?

And it is that nearly undefinable "IT" that so many understand on a visceral level, but have difficulty conveying in words.  My only advice is to return... this time with an open mind and some semblance of a plan to create a reasonable expectation.  Do your homework and find what DOES work for you.  You'll find that if you can displace your cynicism and embrace the inextricable need for childlike play... the place may hold new meaning.

Brian
Brian

Mr. Musto, 

I know you write this shit to get a rise out of people (and in this case it'll work - given that your audience is 90% Disney-loving fags.)  But I take exception to this - because even as an adult I find Walt Disney World one of the most amazing and fascinating places on this planet.  The attention to detail is impressive and exhaustive.  Food is good everywhere.  I find it difficult to find faults because, unlike other corporate megaliths, Disney is rarely cynical toward their customers - it costs a lot, but YOU WILL BE ENTERTAINED. (And yes, you absolutely should have gone to EPCOT instead.)It's just you that's bland.

mjm
mjm

"enabling my remains to join Walt's in the cryogenic castle" lmfao. you know he's buried in Forest Lawn Cemetery right? good luck finding his grave though because it's in a private section of the cemetery...

Melinda9
Melinda9

You're preachin' to the choir, Mike (at least to me). I despise all things Disney - but I guess it's all good fun for the lemmings who swarm there every year. They had fun because they were told it was fun.

Durkart
Durkart

The dreams are fading at the magical town - they pay their workers $8.00 hour yet they charge SO much. How can a family of 4 visit all 4 parks on what they charge? And the profits aren't going  workers wages and healthcare, it's lining up shareholders portfolios.  And look around, if you finally get in, restrooms are dirty, trash cans over flowing, unkept. Yes,  I feel the glitter is fading at  disney (Universal &  sea world  empire too) - instead of family fun, profits come first - workers suffer, families suffer ( who has all the cash to put out such wads of  cash) . Did I mention all their souvenirs are made in China?  The problem with what's happening in todays society!!!

Notyah Nalla
Notyah Nalla

You waited a few too many decades to appreciate such a place. Most adults I'm sure would agree with your assessment of the "Magic Kingdom". I was most disappointed with the empty Sleeping Beauty castle, and the general hollowness of the experience.

Ty
Ty

Space Mountain is a definitely rollercoaster-type ride in Tomorrowland in Magic Kingdom.

Chris Torres
Chris Torres

I don't know when you went but the characters don't wander anymore. You have to wait in line to interact with them, making them easy enough to avoid if you aren't interested. There are no roller coasters at Magic Kingdom and furthermore, there are actually several rides you could've ridden and non-motion attractions you could've experienced. 

Jemma-Louise Smith
Jemma-Louise Smith

Depending on the type of ticket you choose you can park hop. You're clearly just too hard hearted to appreciate the magic.

Generally though if you don't like roller-coasters you don't visit theme parks right? Given that they do exactly what they set out to I think you should maybe consider your choice of day out rather than ranting about something that is just not to your taste in the first place.

DKP
DKP

Hilarious, your attempt to be facile to represent your dismissal of Disney. Unfortunately, I'm not quite convinced that your rhetorical stance was deliberately taken and not just a default position.Your statements, without any evidence of place as boring, are undercut by fact you didn't even know what admission entails. You did no research whatsoever, apparently made no attempt to experience Magic Kingdom, yet you expect readers to treat your rant as anything more than a snark attack.

Perhaps if you'd taken your job touring Walt Disney World more seriously - as a writer, certainly you have a responsibility to challenge your preconceived notions - you might have discovered something new. And gained the respect of readers who can see beyond your dismissive attitude. A lost opportunity for you.

MartinNYID
MartinNYID

The song "Is that all there is" comes to mind. Hype, sugar and hoards of roving bourgeoisie. No thanks!

Xoxo
Xoxo

I like roller coasters so I'm ok with it. What I hate are unemployed actors dressed like Mickey Mouse running up to you and harassing you.

Wren
Wren

You are so right!! It is the worst! Everything thats wrong with America!!

dseach5983
dseach5983

@mrsftbl You are a fucking moron!! "TOO Busy??" It's FUCKING DISNEYWORLD you stupid, trailer dwelling in-bred!!! Maybe next year you should go to the fair in your local Wal-Mart parking lot!!

floridianfool63
floridianfool63

@kgg123.kg There is no need to name call someone for an opposite opinion of yours. You have the right to disagree, but once you call the writer such foul names you lose any credibility and you are not to be taken seriously. 

floridianfool63
floridianfool63

@m_zwebner Actually my gf and I like Downtown Disney better. We get a hotel room at the Best Western and go there to party from the afternoon until the evening. We enjoy City Walk more though and lately have been going there and actually staying at either the Cabana Bay or a Marriot just outside of Portofino Bay. We enjoy the Universal tiki bars at their hotels and their free boat rides. Actually it is very cool , without paying for the theme parks. Though I have been to all of those theme parks.

floridianfool63
floridianfool63

@Loki100971 There is no need to personally attack the writer. I suggest though that you have bigger fish to fry , like your English skills. 

- Cynical not sinical.

- Loosen not losen.

-You're not your[2nd and 4th lines].

-whatever not what ever.

me
me

Sleeping Beauty's Castle is in Disney Land, not DIsney World, which is much less impressive then Disney World, even admitted by the DIsney Company.

Guest
Guest

Actually there are 'roller coasters' so to speak at Magic Kingdom. There is the Thunder Mountain Railroad ( a fast but tame coaster that has very low hills), there is Space Mountain in Tomorrow Land, The 7 Dwarfs mine coaster ride, and a couple of others whose names escape me. But these are 'mild' coasters! The person who wrote the excerpt for their 'experience' in Magic Kingdom obviously did not research or they would know there are different 'passes' for different parks. I personally Love Disney World. I've been there a good number of times and am anxious for my next trip.

Musto
Musto

If I had done the research, I wouldn't have gone at all.

TP
TP

You think this is what is wrong with America! Really???? Obviously you need to get out more. Negative people while always find something to complain about! 

floridianfool63
floridianfool63

@Lionelnmichelle I agree Lionel. It is too bad. I actually agree with the person , but she will distract people from his/her opinion because of her awful spelling.

Ving
Ving

LOL!! You're so right, Musto. Disney World is a total Mickey Mouse operation.

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