And The New Miss'd America Is...

Categories: Drag Queens

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Andrew Werner

Sabel Scities, the Portland-born dazzler who regularly plays at Stonewall and other NYC clubs!

Miss'd America is the annual Atlantic City beauty pageant that has become way more enjoyable than tired, old Miss America.

(The latter has gals dressed weirdly like hos as they perform classical music and ballet. The former has drag queens in bugle beads and drop earrings doing fancy production numbers. And it's for charity!)

For her talent, Sabel performed a plastic-surgery medley, and in the Q&A segment, she gave a stirring speech about the importance of helping gay youth. Talk about range!

First runner-up Victoria "Pork Chop" Parker wore a Miss Piggy swimsuit and later lip-synched "The Rose", complete with sign language.

("How do you feel?" asked host Carson Kressley as the pressure mounted. "Hungry," Victoria replied.)

And New York's own perky Bootsie LeFaris came in third with a live-singing and dancing medley of "All That Jazz" and "America."

I judged the pageant along with folks like Hedda Lettuce, who humorously suggested a drive-by shooting would be a good idea at one point, and another gal who wondered how we would know if the queens were lip-synching or singing live.

"If you hear Tina Turner's voice," I instructed her, "it ain't live."

(And by the way, I loved SheQuida Lee's talent -- doing "Proud Mary" with a walker and pendulous, 90-year-old boobies, backed by a chorus of faux-oldies in the same challenged condition.)

Throughout the night, Kitty Hiccups passed on her crown with dignity and Michelle Dupree -- the winner from two years ago -- assisted with the proceedings while revealing that she now has two kids!

And no stretch marks in sight!

Congrats, Sabel! You are truly Miss'd!


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3 comments
Musto
Musto

I asked Epiphany Get Paid for a quote about the whole experience.

Said she: "I'm really happy that the judges chose my sister Sable. There were a lot of boogers I would have hated to lose to."

Musto
Musto

A nice new touch was the MC announcing the girls' favorite things as they strutted the runway. "Epiphany's favorite toy as a child: A cucumber." "Gusty Winds' favorite animal: Rick Santorum."

Vivi
Vivi

Sabel has the look of a winner. 

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