Best Kiddie Pageant Queen Ever!

Categories: Celebs

Normally I think kiddie beauty pageants should be outlawed and the mothers should face the electric chair, with a tiara rammed up their ass.

But Alana, aged six, is the cutest, realest, funniest, most outrageous entrant since Little Miss Sunshine, and she's made me believe again.

Among her priceless utterances:

"I'm a superstar because I do pageants."

"My special juice is gonna help me win!"

"My momma nickname is Coupon Queen."

"Beauty is so boring. I don't wanna do it!"

"I want to win money! A dollar makes me holler, honey boo boo."

Best of all, she rolls her flabby stomach around and says, "This is what I show to the judges!"

And they'd better vote for this honey-boo-boo child because she's a winner, baby.

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All true, but I really love this girl and thinks she should be a star.


But did you see that mother?  She is positively the most frightening, white trash gorgosaurus I have ever laid eyes on.  And after the kid lost, she was explaining it all to the camera and let out a huge belch without missing a beat---and then looked around as if someone else did it. Apparently, the "go-go juice" the mother keeps feeding her to keep her hyperactive is Mountain Dew mixed with Red Bull...THAT's gotta be good for a 6-year old!  That child doesn't have a prayer, poor little thing.


Alana is fierce, honey boo boo child!!!


Thanks to Angelo Pitillo for the tip.