Kevin The Human Carpet Speaks: Exclusive Interview

Categories: Nightlife

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Kevin Carpet makes himself a human rug for people to trod all over at parties on a regular basis.

He loves being walked on!

I've known Kevin since the '80s, when he was just a young, up-and-coming carpet sample. But now he's practically wall to wall!

I just contacted him to see how he's been shagging lately, and here's how it played out.

Me: Hi, Kevin. Where do you work these days and how do people book you?

Kevin Carpet: Lately I have been doing a lot of raves. Also hipster events. And I still sometimes do gothic events. People usually find me on Facebook under Kevin Carpet.

Me: Why do you love being a human carpet so much, you kook?

Kevin Carpet: I love doing this. At the events I'm doing now, I really feel like a true floor/carpet since I got a government grant for performance art. I had to be treated like -- and feel like -- a real object, mine being a carpet.

At these events, I lay in busy areas by doorways or by the bar and people, so naturally step on me and walk on me to get by and order drinks.

Plus with these crowds, the people shout to me as the walk on. "Hey, Carpet guy," "Love ya, Kevin," and things like that.

It's a pleasure for me and everyone else, and more fun for everyone when I'm here for their amusement and fun.

Me: Why are you sometimes enclosed in a carpet and sometimes not?

Kevin Carpet: If I'm at a special private event, then sometimes I don't use a carpet. But at the bigger events I need a carpet for safety -- not really for me but for the crowd. People could trip or step wrong on my leg and fall.

In the old gothic events I had no carpet and I just layed by the bar wearing all black and goggles and gloves. But I later found out that most people only stayed on for a short time due to the wobbly tummy and body. So after that I started using carpets.

Me: Well, thanks for letting us use you!


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24 comments
Larry Parent
Larry Parent

i think they're damn brave considering the overzealous police state we live in and the f-word (the longer f-word) being thrown at them. I want to be that brave! making a damn T-shirt!

Larry Parent
Larry Parent

i invited him to nj, but if he doesn't, can I sub? also all these haterz are just jealous.. instead of being jealous follow your dream no matter what JUST DO IT I'll team up with whoever wants to in nj.

Larry Parent
Larry Parent

is KC on Facebook, when I see his name it shows a gerbil?? and no other info. can this be done in nj without the Police State caring? I am thinking to do this to 1. have fun (duh) and 2. raise money for charity ($1 p/p for willing participants) but sounds too good to be true that oh yeah I could just DO this. would be willing to go to NYC here and there if KC or PT even (I have him on fb already) would help me. (love to before Summer is out, you know why) I am for now just designing a simple T-shirt says "DARE YA!" with a footprint and will be happy to explain what it means to anyone who asks. nicknaming the "Abs of Steel" act to go with my other talents (alphabet backwards, rubik's Cube, Macarena) hard to pull off with all the buzzkillz around.

WOW
WOW

How the FUCK do you get paid to lie down all day

 terry
terry

I've seen him at many different parties...Everyone seem's to dig it.

Prezdent Obama
Prezdent Obama

p.s. dont bitch about wall street if you like that kevin got a grant from the govt

Prezdent Obama
Prezdent Obama

my puppy shits on the carpet.

is it ok if my puppy shits on kevin until he is trained to go out?

Steffi
Steffi

You have now officially reached a whole new level of...I don't know what, but a whole new level of something.

 Mental Health Associate
Mental Health Associate

 You and carpet piss ruined what i thought was a very interesting article..Like a few people already stated you both need proffesional help and or higher doses of your medication....

carpet piss
carpet piss

do you and your friends ever wipe your bare butts on kevin, like animals wipe their rear ends on carpets, when they have worms?

 Laura
Laura

Me and my friends love when he's at parties to!!!! :D

carpet piss
carpet piss

we all learned that kevin a weird loser.

 Laura
Laura

you carpet piss are really showing yourself as some real discrimination of the carpet performers..Do you have all carpet guys? like the other ny guy georgio carpet who was in the NY Times,,,,,are you a closet wanna be? I don't know you have a venom in you..Is it just this topic or everything with you? Sorry just very curious...

Whiplash
Whiplash

At least unlike you, he can construct a sentence.

 Laura
Laura

I meant to write do you HATE all carpet  performers..........

 Mental Health Associate
Mental Health Associate

Maybe Madman1_rug it's more of a mental problem...as to no fault of their own have the vile ranting and raving on numerous topics spurting out nonsense and without regard to any to how people view them on a psychological  basis..It's sad how these people have no other forms of letting off their releases..

Madman1_rug
Madman1_rug

 What is wrong with you ? Are you having a bad hair days?

carpet piss
carpet piss

quills, go fuck another porcupine---you know you've already done that.

Quills
Quills

Someone who has to keep calling people losers usually suffers from serious self-esteem issues. When they use "piss" in their names, that's another giveaway. Sad.

carpet piss
carpet piss

I stand corrected.  Whiplash, and his anal worries about sentence structure, is a bigger loser than Kevin.

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