Let's Write The Worst Personal Ad In History Together

By Michael Musto Mon., Feb. 27 2012 at 12:30 PM

Categories: Advice

I'll start.

Hello. I'm 967 pounds, but it looks good on my frame.

I'm 3' 5". I'm actually 5' 9", but I lean over a lot for attention.

My doctor said I need to curb my eating. I changed doctors.

I collect dead rats as a hobby.

Sick, you say? Well, it got me on TV.

I have no money, and that's where you come in.

Let's have lots of long, romantic dinners. It will reduce the amount of times I have to mooch off friends or live off lawsuits.

I'm an Aries. I have a mullet and wear palazzo pants. You should too.

And you must have a shockingly high IQ and a body that makes my mouth drop open enough so spaghetti falls out.

My favorite star of Mob Wives is ... all of them.

All right, keep this going, people ...

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latenitebump

born-again cross-dresser seeking devout atheist for non-sexual contact. nothing beyond; only light hand holding. (preferably, no longer than 5 minutes). must be free on sundays; early morning hours. my picture available only upon request.