Why I Absolutely Detest The Theater!

Categories: Theater

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Here's my new column, in which I dramatically go through the reasons I absolutely loathe any kind of theater!

Some of the radically repellent trends that come to mind:

*The jukebox shows that leave you with a gleeful medley that makes your forget how bad it all was

*The dumbing down of choreography to accommodate big names who are spastic

*The lack of entrance applause for medium-sized personages, resulting in the sound of two hands--mine--clapping in utter embarrassment

*And the overabundance of audience members who are convinced that they should loudly narrate every moment.

("He's supposed to be Martin Luther King." "Look, honey, she's flying with her umbrella!")


Anyway, turn off your cell phones, remove your pacemakers, pull out your hair plugs, sit down with your $10 Coke, and enjoy.

It lasts 90 minutes, no intermission.

And it's on TDF!

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5 comments
latenitebump
latenitebump

hitler is more popular than ever these daze! love the foto (not nazis)!

Movielover
Movielover

Anything Goes was really deelovely, and I won't even mention how good Patti P was when I saw it a long time ago!

Tarantulaarms
Tarantulaarms

The best thing about it is that, all through your bitching, you can sense your love of theater, and that's terrif.

Stomp
Stomp

This is one of your best columns ever. Hilarious and so true.

Brad's Boyfriend
Brad's Boyfriend

When I saw "Lion King," the audience sang along to most of the songs; the inebriated couple next to me even had the dialogue down pat.  Worst $130 experience of my life.  

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