Gossiping Is Forbidden By The Bible!

Categories: Religion

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We're all going to hell, kids!

And in my case it's OK, because a whole slew of washed-up sitcom and sketch-comedy "stars" have said I'm going there already, in a first-class seat.

Acording to this huff post piece countering smarmy little Kirk Cameron's bible-backed anti-gay rhetoric, there's a whole bunch of behavior that's forbidden by the good book, stuff that the haters tend to ignore as they go about their merry gay-baiting.

For example:

*Tattoos (Oh, no! Cher's going to hell!)

*Getting remarried after a divorce (Oh, no! Cher's going to hell!)

*Eating a ham sandwich (Oy.)

*And like I said, gossiping! (Anyone who talks about Cher is going to hell!)


Apparently, in Leviticus, it flat-out says, "Thou shalt not go up and down as talebearers among the people.

"Neither shalt thou stand against the blood of thy neighbors: I am the LORD."

Holy shit, I'm scared! No more gossiping for me!! Ever!

But can I at least occasionally have a ham and cheese omelette?


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Manny Espinola
Manny Espinola

More Leviticus -

Mix your wheat with your barley or oats in your agriculture and you're as abominated as the gaysEat shell fish and you're as sinful and depraved as the gaysChildren who disobey their parents should be killed like the gaysMen who have sex with menstruating women are as disgusting and yuckyfugged as the gaysMix cotton with nylon in your getup and you're damned to hellfire and conflagration as the gays

Leviticus is so ripe with hate for everyone it's really revealing why Christians concentrate on just the anti-homo verse.

burning_plastic
burning_plastic

Is it true that Kirk Cameron and Jonathan Taylor Thomas were married on the beach at Malibu?

frankiefrank
frankiefrank

In ancient times, gossip was the first form of mass media. Back then, if everyone kept firsthand information to themselves, there would be no such thing as history or knowledge period. 

Musto
Musto

Thanks to gay reporter Rex Wockner for the tip.

Capital Cat
Capital Cat

That Leviticus is a really fucking killjoy.

Troofire
Troofire

I have it on good authority, Michael.  There is no hell, no devil, but no heaven either.  So chill out.

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

Ok, I'm with him/Leviticus on this one...[all together now]... "Let's stop gossiping about has-been child actors!"...wow, I feel godly already!

big red
big red

Kirk Cameron is anti? He was the role model for all my straight mates growing up. As in "Man I'm not gay but if I were I would date Kirk Cameron." 

Jehosefat
Jehosefat

Kirk recently went on tv to say that homosexuality is unnatural and gay marriage is against the bible etc etc

Rhythm Agnes
Rhythm Agnes

Sitting in a barbecue pit full of hot charcoal briquets with Hedda and Louella might be your idea of heaven!

Memo
Memo

Divorcing is OK but not getting remarried? The bible sucks.

epgomez
epgomez

you can still get married if you didnt initiate the divorce. in other words if the divorce is not your fault and not caused by you and your partner is guilty of infidelity

Movielover
Movielover

I think there is still no dick sucking, regardless.

Ulu
Ulu

"If the divorce is not your fault." So when people divorce, only one of the two parties is completely responsible? You're even more retarded than I thought.

Movielover
Movielover

Thank you!  (I don't care much for yours).

Movielover
Movielover

Maybe not.  It is a puny wrinkled soggy little link.

epgomez
epgomez

Maybe shes not happy with one sausage

Movielover
Movielover

Maybe he failed to slip her the sausage link enough.  His fault!

epgomez
epgomez

hey retard how can someone who was abandoned who didnt want to get divorced but his wife left him for another man be guilty? is that his fault? definitely not.

Rogie
Rogie

That's an understatement. I studied it - seriously and intensively - for a couple of years, with the intent of becoming a missionary. I wound up having to conclude it's all a bunch of bullshit that probably worked for a small group of people at a certain time and place, long ago and far away. And that those who closely follow its basic precepts (not just Christians, but also Jews and Muslims) are totally and dangerously deluded. Eliminate the most fanatic believers of all faiths and you'll instantly wind up with a better world.

epgomez
epgomez

too bad you missed the mark. seems your were dellusioned and couldnt understand the truth. God is real and hell means you are deprived from God and that is not good.

epgomez
epgomez

evolution is a theory and has a lot of issues. it cant explain evrything and the foundation is based on hyphothesis.

epgomez
epgomez

life coming from thin air is not reality. thats believing in magic. there is a living Being out there whether you like it or not

epgomez
epgomez

and the ancestor of the moron who did the jacking motion could not magically one from thin air

epgomez
epgomez

yeah you have SOME good parts. an admission of imperfection.

epgomez
epgomez

i was just retaliating back bec i was called a moron.

epgomez
epgomez

Its you who doesnt know the answer. God is logical you dont have the brain to think deep. Coming from thin air is illogical

Movielover
Movielover

Where oh where to start when you seem like you know nothing yet?  Look up evolution in the dictionary.  Google it.  I am really wondering if you are a child, like 10 years old? 

Movielover
Movielover

Oh, Lordy, lordy.  Don't you recall that jacking motion your cuz was doing before it came out?  How old are you?!

epgomez
epgomez

Yeah where did the magical sperm come from?

epgomez
epgomez

Its true. It makes perfect sense. Are you perfect?

Movielover
Movielover

Ever hear of sperm?  You know that drink your cousin gaven yuh?

Movielover
Movielover

Your statement makes no sense.  How can you stand yourself?  Just have another heepin' helpin' of some taters and watch hee-haw on tv. 

epgomez
epgomez

Its not magic. Its reality. Why do you exist? The reason you are here is not magic. You gotta come from something

Movielover
Movielover

And the ooga booga in the sky who done did everything?  Is that magic?  You poor thing!  I feel sorry for you!  Maybe you're not really very terribly stupid, just not educated.  You spend too much time in the ooga booga and not enough real learning from books.  I would suggest go to college, but it sounds like you might not have made it through grade school.  Are also obese and poor?  I actually do feel sorry for you, but your hateful thoughts about everyone else who isn't like you makes me less sorry for you.  May you roast in hell.  Have a nice day.

epgomez
epgomez

Human kind came from one couple and that couple didnt come from thin air. God is not a fairy tale. You are the one who believes in magic bec you believe we came from magical thin air

epgomez
epgomez

That is not superstition. Human science is not perfect

Movielover
Movielover

At least grand dad is/was an actual entity, not a made up goon to front for your prejudice and malice.  Try reading some books that are not fairy tales.  Open your little mind.

epgomez
epgomez

How can you be intelligent if you believe life came from void/ nothing. Thats impossible. That is magic.

Movielover
Movielover

I like your comment, but really, lay off the retarded.  They have enough problems without being associated with the (faux) religious.

Movielover
Movielover

Ifin' yuh ever did go to thaty thar schoolhouse, you might hada learnt yuh some...science.  You're depraved on account of you're deprived (of actual education - forced to believe superstition).

Movielover
Movielover

They caint read so good with them crossed eyeballs.

Movielover
Movielover

Life came because your dad got a sniff of your mom's twitching mound.

Movielover
Movielover

Because you don't know the answer to something, you go, "God did it!"  You're a pathetic moron.  May you roast in hell.

Movielover
Movielover

You seem stuck, my dear.  Try prunes.

epgomez
epgomez

Remember life didnt come from nothing. That is impossible. Dont take things too literal.

Chrigid
Chrigid

"There's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll to to a burning place with a lake of fireuntil the end of eternity. But he loves you!"  George Carlin

Jcrain
Jcrain

Just wondering, genius: Did you get the comment about the use of dellusioned? There's no such thing because the WORD DOES NOT EXIST. No wonder intelligent people don't wanna be associated with fundies. They're so ignorant it's embarrassing.

Ulu
Ulu

Oh, OK. So if someone disagrees with you that there's a big man in the sky who creates everything and sits around as people suffer, then THEY'RE a moron???? You are super retarded. Believe what you want, but don't push it on others. We actually believe in reality.

epgomez
epgomez

its time to call them that bec they take advantage of the weak. youre a moron bec you dont get it. calling them what they are so that they will get it is just what is right in these times so they sont trample upon other peoples beliefs and ridicule.

Isis
Isis

Do people who worship God run around calling other people "idiots" and "fools"? YOU'RE a moron.

epgomez
epgomez

OMG youre great grand dad is real but you havent seen him but i just had lunch with him. to see is to believe for you fool.

Rogie
Rogie

OMG you're right, God IS real. I just had lunch with him at the Plaza! He said his real goal in saying hello to me is to give you a message. He wants to save you, only you, but he'll do it only if you give to me your bank account information. For real! God, that is. Hurry!

epgomez
epgomez

our existence cannot come from void or nothing. that is impossible. if you think like the existence of living things came from thin air then youre an idiot and a fool. God is real whether you like it or not.

Rogie
Rogie

Well guess who's stewing in her/his own personal hell and dragging superior people down with her/him? No thanks, "God" is not real, and I and everyone else, even you, are not "dellusioned" because like "God," there's no such thang. So fuck God and fuck youse.

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