Let's Rewrite The Hunger Games

Categories: Film

hunger-games-movie-photo-jennifer-lawrence-600x452.jpg

Let's see ... Hunger Games ... hmm ...

Got it!


The Olsen twins are playing backgammon with little pieces of crackers.

The loser has to eat one of them.

In walks Angelina.

She's there to gather some of the crackers for starving children around the world.

The Olsens suggest Angelina take one for herself.

After all, her jutting leg is looking even bonier than usual.

It actually looks like a chicken leg, prompting Mary-Kate to beg Ashley to take a bite of it.

Ashley looks sick and refuses. And Angelina will only take the crackers for the children, not herself.

All three look at each other, with big, longing eyes filled with self-sacrifice.

Ashley loses the game, and now faces the dilemma of having to eat whatever crackers are left.

She pleads with Angelina to take them all away.

Just then, Zoë Saldana walks in holding the Carpenters boxed set.


That's all I've got so far.

Help me out here, freaks.

Feed me some lines!



Sponsor Content

My Voice Nation Help
11 comments
Southern Dave
Southern Dave

Why not go wayyyyyy back to the original source material,  Richard Connell's 1924 story, "The Hounds of Zaroff," filmed in 1932 as "The Most Dangerous Game," which has been ripped off time and time again again since then?

"Everything old is new again."

Denise LeBeau
Denise LeBeau

Hilarious! Further sequel idea: In the not so distant futurepast, an apocalypse has left only carbs on planet Earth. The supermodel/peasant girl must decide whether to join the Olsens and Angelina in eating and distributing cracker crumbs or risk eating the edible roots brought to her by Terence McKenna in a dream sequence. 

Ribs
Ribs

Yay! I love a happy ending.

Honks
Honks

Woody Harrelson enters "Hey,  chill out...let's smoke some supremo weed". The frail women take a few puffs, their energy much diminished from the lack of food..Half an hour later they are wolfing down Haagen Daz and Potato chips, their strength and humor returning...ALL HAIL WODDY

Ribs
Ribs

Tasteless! Tasteless! Tasteless! Love it!

Sanskrit
Sanskrit

Karen Carpenter is shown in heaven, reaching for a chestnut. She chokes and dies again.

latenitebump
latenitebump

zoe suggests popping 1 of the carpenters´ disc into the player.as the carpenters´song chestnuts roasting on an open fire pours into the room the ghost of mama cass appears.she warns: eating can be harzadous to your health.

Sanskrit
Sanskrit

Mary Kate falls asleep from starvation. Ashley forces a cracker into her mouth. Mary Kate wakes up and bites Ashley's finger. She likes the taste of blood....

Deeva
Deeva

In walks Mama Cass with a ham sandwich.

latenitebump
latenitebump

that´s just a coincidence the mama cass revelation. don´t wanna seem like madonna! or for some lady gaga!

Loading...