Stay Away From Bad Luck Musto

Categories: Advice

Musto as effie.jpeg

I am the perfect talisman to ward off the end of the recession.

Every financial decision I make is a dumb, self-defeating one that contributes to homelessness and poverty -- for myself.

First I bought a one-bedroom co-op.

For years people had said, "Why are you renting? You're throwing money away!"

I wanted to finally have a piece of real estate as a solid investment instead of "throwing dough away" on a silly rental that left me with nothing to show for it.

After all, owning is the way to go in New York, where the values had steadily gone up for years.

You buy it and it goes up.

It's a can't-miss situation, a giant "duh"!

Well, five months after I bought the place, there began the biggest real estate slide since the Great Depression.

The joint started plummeting in value -- great investment! -- and kept going down, down, down, like a hooker on the highway.

But thankfully, things started coming back a little last year -- for some people.

Corcoran recently sent out a brochure saying that NYC real estate values improved for everything in 2011 -- except for one-bedroom co-ops!

For some reason, they went down another 15 percent.

I've "thrown away" shitloads of money!

Then I panicked that a certain bank was going under, so I pulled out a CD from there and paid huge penalties on it. It didn't go under. It was subsumed by another bank and all's fine.

And finally, even more recently I closed out a stock-market account, figuring it was at a high and would start going down soon.

I didn't want to tempt fate or be greedy, and I was thrilled with my perspicaciousness.

Well, the day I closed the account, a staggering five-day Dow Jones climb unforeseen in years started to take over America.

There was finally a big bump in people's investments, but I had taken mine out the second before I could enjoy it!

Oh, well.

Fortunately, I always shopped at 99-cent stores anyway.


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9 comments
ABNER
ABNER

Dear God my eyes must be going bad! I thought the title was 'Stay Away From Bad Fuck Musto''

nostradavid
nostradavid

You bring those around you good luck, unlike Joe Btfsplk, a character in Li'l Abner by Al Capp. He's well-meaning, but is the world's worst jinx, bringing disastrous misfortune to everyone around him. A small, dark rain cloud perpetually hovers over his head to symbolize his bad luck. Hapless Btfsplk and his ever-present cloud became one of the most iconic images in Li'l Abner.Watch out if the cloud appears.

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

I had the same experience...the "golden egg" turning into shit the minute I touch it...yep..bought the one bedroom...now back in a rental.

Findingnamo
Findingnamo

I'm thrilled by your use of the word "perspicaciousness".

Deeva
Deeva

Sounds like you did what any normal person would do. Relax, the real estate will come back up again.

Ron Bruguiere
Ron Bruguiere

You should send that pic around to agents; who knows, you could be the next Divine!

MGSyes
MGSyes

a co-op and stock market investments----shouldnt the occupy wall street crowd be protesting against...YOU?

MSpeer
MSpeer

Me, too! The first time I heard it was on a recording of an old radio broadcast of a W.C. Fields skit and an Una Merkel type was annoying him. "I do not wish to flaunt my perspicacity...." she said as he winced. I've always remembered it--and that word.

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