The Wackiest Things Celebs Have Ever Said To Me

In their dealings with a potentially scary press person like myself, celebs are sometimes solicitous, occasionally pandering, at times delightfully ass kissy, but always tons of fun.

Here are just a few of the highlights through the years:

Gwyneth Paltrow: "I admire your rage."

Helen Mirren: [whom I'd called "transcendant" in a play]: "That 'transcendant' got me through an entire week."

Marian Seldes: "I'd love to get inside that brain of yours."

Fiona Apple: "What did you mean when you wrote I have the face of a Russian gymnast?" (But I didn't!)

Marlo Thomas: "I know you don't like me, but I like you." (But I do!)

Donald Trump: "Michael, you do a very good job."

Rose McGowan: "Are you the one who wrote 'Every day is Halloween for Rose McGowan'?" (Yes, but it was meant admiringly, I swear.)

Robert Klein: "You write about inconsequential people, but brilliantly."

Ruby Dee [to a friend]: "Well, at least he's good on E!"

Alec Baldwin: "You're witty and self-deprecating [on a certain show] and everyone else is a garden weasel."

David Copperfield's publicist: "David loved your comment that he fucked Claudia Schiffer in half every night. He framed it!"

Benjamin Bratt: (smiling) "Are you gonna start any trouble?"

Anouk Aimee: "I'm so glad to meet you. I've seen you on TV. I saw you on E! about Liza."

Liza Minnelli: "I know you!"

Lydia Lunch: "Everybody knows Michael Musto! I read you online. Stop talking trash!"

David O. Russell: "Michael! I used to wait on you all the time at the Puck building."

Ellen Barkin, as I brazenly read a tabloid at a party: "Michael, shocking! Reading The Globe! Shocking!"

William Finn (Spelling Bee): "I love the column, though you hated our show!" (But I didn't! Not totally!)

Tim Robbins: "Thank you for supporting Act Up."

Michael Stipe: "You look thin, Michael. You look really good."

Harry Connick, Jr: "I get all my information from you."

Adam Shankman (Hairspray movie director): "You've written so many mean things about me."

Shannen Doherty: "I saw you on Gastineau Girls. I loved your reactions."

Dina Lohan: "I'm a big fan of your work. Be nice to us."

Patti LaBelle [at event]: "Michael Musto is here. He's all over the TV and if you look at him the wrong way, he trashes you, so I make sure that never happens." [laughs]

Tyler Perry: "I know your face. We've never met before."

Dick Cavett: "Are you using your poison pen?"

Jerry Stiller: "I've seen you on TV. How do you pack so many words into a short time?"

Nellie McKay: "You're a columnist. You're a guilty pleasure."

Laura Benanti: "I saw you in the audience at Gypsy and got nervous."

Sinead O'Connor, when I asked her what she was thinking about during that very intense "Nothing Compares To U" video:

"Well, I'm not thinking about it now!"