Straight Etiquette For Gay Bars

Categories: Advice

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If gay guys have to abide by certain rules at gay bars, then the visiting heteros certainly should as well -- and Brian Moylan has finally laid them out so there won't be any further clashing of minds and behinds.

Among the rules are helpful provisos like:

"Your Vagina Has No Power Here"

"No One Likes a Cockblocker"

"Hands Off"

("We won't touch your boobs if you don't touch our cocks." Heck, I won't touch your boobs even if you do touch my cock.)

Also:

"Stop clutching your girlfriend like she's some sort of heterosexual life preserver to keep you from drowning in a sea of receptive anal intercourse."

(It didn't work on the Titanic, and it's sure as hell not gonna work at Barracuda.)

And finally:

"There is no place for you at the Cock or any establishment that is named after the male genitalia or something incredibly masculine like Rawhide, Truck, or Woody's."

Of course, there's no place for me at somewhere masculine, either, but that's a whole other set of rules.



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28 comments
Sleazyprof
Sleazyprof

As far as I'm concerned, straight girls should be allowed in gay bars as long as their husbands and boyfriends are welcome on grindr, craigslist, and manhunt.  Because as long as they're out drinking with my gay buddies, I'll be at home pounding their men.  

Jeanette Ponder
Jeanette Ponder

The hardest I've ever been hit on in my whole life was at Barracuda. Dude actually turned me over his knee and spanked me, then tried to drag my ass home. And no, he wasn't straight and just pretending to be gay in order to pick up chicks. I think there was a grand total of about four women there that night. It still sticks out in my mind as one of my most fun nights ever.

I'll also add that I was a hard-core club kid for over a decade, and I had NEVER been approached that aggressively. LOL. So, go figure. 

Gerardconway
Gerardconway

Women should be banned from "Gay Bars". The minute a women thinks it's her "right" to go to one , alone or with her girlfriends ( because they feel safe.......) then the place ceases to be a gay bar. Guys go to gay bars because they can behave in a totally uninhibited way and don't wish to be gawped at by "tourists". If you women want a "safe" place to go to create your own venues.

Scruff712
Scruff712

Finally I'm not the only one who's complaining about the behaviour of women in gay bars. My standard line is that the minute they walk in they act like 14 year old girls. And that's our job. But, really, it gets to the point you feel their attitude is, "I don't want the world. I just want your half." Please, go find yourself a man and move on. That's what we're all trying to do.

mark douglas
mark douglas

Like being in a time warpIs it back to the 70's again

timmmyk
timmmyk

Eh, it's fine by me if they want to come, but I still can't fathom the ongoing attraction to straighties of going to erotically charged gay bars on a repeated basis. I would think that once the curiosity is satisfied they would not make the places like Rawhide perm stops on their crawls but what do I know? I see 'em there all the time; my experience with the straight girls has usually been that they actually sweet and supportively hanging with their unfoundedly insecure cutie gay boy friends. I only go to straight bars with coworkers so I don't see it as a reciprocity issue or anything like that. The more welcoming, aboveboard gay bars are great for everyone since there is such soooo much less visible unpleasant aggression compared to straight bars and I see that as a major reason straight people go to gay bars. It's just so much less tense, or I should say 'more relaxed' to be in a crowded gay bar than a crowded straight bar, Marys.

Movielover
Movielover

Glenda the Good Witch granted you a pass to anywhere - no matter how masculine, Mikey!

Honks
Honks

well....let's see, I lived in chelsea, vacation on fire island or p-town, was a member of act-up, am in the parades (halloween & gay), and always went to gay bars/dance clubs for fun...most of my friends are gay men...It's Home...and I can be myself w/o my 'stay away' face on...never went to anvil or it's ilk...but I guess you would call me a straight woman..AND I WOULD NEVER BRING A DATE...but I'm not above taking my gorgeous godson

anonTWO
anonTWO

"your vagina has no power here".........gay or straight or in between or "not sure", YOU came through a vagina to get on this planet.Make no mistake about it, IT is the most powerful organism human beings own and only the very best people have one.This list of rules has a whiff of anti-woman and I ain't down with that.

latenitebump
latenitebump

vice magazine is the worst.

rule: bring any and all attractive male family members, co-workers, etc.--gay or straight--to the clubs. the gay clubs need a few good men.

that foto is funny. only 1 black male in the room and he doesn´t look happy. i see the nypd is present. vice mag is trash.

Rambeaux
Rambeaux

But we don't want to practice reverse discrimination. How would a lesbian like it if she made out with her girlfriend at a bar, only to have someone take the microphone and yell "STRAIGHT BAR!!"

Steinhope
Steinhope

That is hilarious, Kathleen!

Kathleen Warnock
Kathleen Warnock

I remember at Meow Mix, it got incredibly annoying after "Chasing Amy" came out (so to speak) and we were inundated with straight couples looking for a "third." One time, the singer Kaia yelled from the stage at a straight couple playing tonsil hockey: DYKE BAR! DYKE BAR!

Steinhope
Steinhope

"No one likes a cockblocker." But most cockblockers are other gay guys!

Berthadablues
Berthadablues

Good rules but with today's economics, I think everyone should just be allowed in and allowed to do whatever they want as long as they buy a drink and tip the bartender.

anonTWO
anonTWO

" still can't fathom the ongoing attraction to straighties of going to erotically charged gay bars on a repeated basis"

the music is better and the men more attractive even if not available.

Movielover
Movielover

You sound like a great gal.  :)

Movielover
Movielover

Are you saying pussy makes the world go 'round?  Debatable.

Blissbaby
Blissbaby

So should they have photoshopped some black people into the photo?

Kathleen Warnock
Kathleen Warnock

If it were at a straight bar, the guys would whip out their...cellphones (if it were girls kissing). If it were guys kissing, they'd probably bash them. Poor, poor straights. They have no place to go and feel each other up.

LIMEN !
LIMEN !

This is the best way for gay people to be hurt or killed. No gay bar should have an open door policy! I've seen many a gay persons hurt bad and or killed evey where in this country. The bar should have a membership card. And or a door charge, to keep the rife raft out. No one is safe any where ,even in your oun home. And if you think differently, you will become a stat! It's just a fact of our society. You don't have to be gay. Just a fool. It's sad that it's the facts of life. But JUST WAKE UP TO THE WORLD THAT WE LIVE IN. BE ALERT TO YOUR WHERE ABOUTS, AND WHO IS AROUND YOU AT ALL TIMES. GO OUT WITH A FRIEND. it's your life how long do you want it to last? I'm just so over seeing to many people hurt. Have fun, but be vigilant for your self and others. Just think about how easy 911 was for the bad people to pull off. Take care! No one else will for you. It's you life, how important is your well being to you, and those who love you? Icare about you, and Idon't even know you!

Movielover
Movielover

You might rethink that one, honey.

timmmyk
timmmyk

You obviously don;t spend too much time in Rawhide

latenitebump
latenitebump

 yes! and my chocha is still at the dry cleaners. everyone is getting one these days. what about you movielover? no chocha? not to eat but to own. to have. your very own chocha.don´t you think it would things a lot easier (for you)?

anonTWO
anonTWO

How'd you get here?I mean how did you GET on this planet?Annoying straight people, I got it.Gay people are annoying too.Everyone is fucking annoying!

Movielover
Movielover

anon, you might have a caffine issue.  Calm down.  Just because people came from a vage and loved their mothers doesn't mean women are the shit.  One could argue that without cock, snooches would produce no children at all.  Oh, yeah, some straight people are annoying.  Gay ones too. 

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