The Best Country Song Titles of All Time

Categories: Music

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Classic singer Barbara Cook read off a bunch of them at her Feinstein's at Loews Regency performance last night, as the crowd howled with laughter.

Here are some of the all-time best, according to Barbara:


"If My Nose Was Running Money, I'd Blow It All on You"

"If the Phone Don't Ring, It's Me"

"If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Find Somebody Else Who Will"

"If I'd Have Shot You When I Wanted to, I'd Be Out by Now"

"My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, and I Don't Love Jesus"

"Take Me Out to the Corn Field, Honey, and I'll Kiss You Between the Ears"

And of course the immortal . . .

"When You Put Your Lunch in the Road Map, I Knew We Were Through"


Every one of those is a cotton-pickin' classic of twisted country logic that makes perfect sense to me.

Got any others for me to have a private hoedown with?

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15 comments
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Liam
Liam

Billyjoe - you can listen to all but the last two songs named by Ms. Cook on YouTube.  Real songs, not made up titles!

Greg M
Greg M

 I heard "I'm home getting hammered while she's out getting nailed" yesterday.  I have "Down to Seeds and Stems Again Blues" on vinyl.  I think Commander Cody did at least one studio version, AND a live version, on "We've got a Live One Here"

billyjoe
billyjoe

These are not real song titles, Barbara's writer obviously made them up.

They are better used for Loretta-Dolly drag-queen shtick in a cliche gay nightclub act.

nostradavid
nostradavid

Down to Seeds and Stems Againby Commander Cody and his Lost Planet Airmen

Rkk
Rkk

Banjo and Sullivan's "I'm At Home Getting Hammered (While She's Out Getting Nailed)"

TC
TC

"You're the reason our kids are ugly" - Conway and Loretta

Rhythm Agnes
Rhythm Agnes

How 'bout "Meet Me Down By the Pawn Shop Where I'll Kiss You Under the Balls"?

Capital Cat
Capital Cat

I'm Going to Hire a Wino to Decorate Our HouseYou Got Sawdust on the Floor of Your HeartShe Got the Goldmine, I Got the ShaftYour Wife's Been Cheating On Us Again

Marilyn Lastman
Marilyn Lastman

You're The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly (Little Darlin') by Loretta Lynn and Conway Twitty

Southern Dave
Southern Dave

"I've Got Tears in My Ears from Lying on My Back, Crying My Eyes Out Over You."

"Get Your Ass off the Bar, Murleen, the Two Dollars Was for the Beer."

Windchimes
Windchimes

You'e The Cream In My Coffee, But I'm Lactose Intolerant

Shockpuppet
Shockpuppet

"If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Are You Gone?"

Phil Davis
Phil Davis

The Louvin Brothers: "You've Already Put Big Ole Tears in My Eyes. Must You Throw Dirt in My Face?"

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