What Movies Should Be Turned Into Musicals? My Ideas!

Categories: Theater

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With Newsies, Leap of Faith, and Ghost all upon us this season, Broadway is more than ever turning to old flicks to transform into stage dollars.

But which movies haven't been musicalized for Broadway yet?

Not that many, actually, but I do have some ideas.

Hey, Mr. Producer, next season let's please have:


*Showgirls the Musical

The underwater sex scene will be magical, especially if the actors are on roller skates and blading through hanging strips of Mylar, like in The Little Mermaid. Fun for the whole family!


*Gigli the Musical

Sara Ramirez and Norbert Leo Butz were born to play the Bennifer roles. And the "gobble gobble" line about the leading lady's vajayjay can be the cue for a big "Turkey Lurkey Time" number. In fact, this can be a Burt Bacharach jukebox show! Ka-ching.


*Plan Nine From Outer Space.

Low budget! No script necessary! Just some amateur actors stumbling around the stage, with an occasional tin can representing a spaceship. I've seen worse -- this season alone.


*Glen or Glenda the Musical

Screw Priscilla, to hell with La Cage. This is the real gender-bending spectacular. All you need is a big-shouldered D-list actor who isn't allergic to angora. Strap the audience in their seats so they can't leave, and voilà -- a hit!


*Mommie Dearest the Musical

This should be a Motown musical, with "No Wire Hangers" to the tune of "Nowhere to Run" and "Tina, Get the Ax" done to "Come See About Me." Why am I smelling skepticism?


*Titanic the Musical

Yes, I'm fully aware that they did this already -- but they didn't have a happy ending! In the new version, the fat lady will roll to one side of the boat when she slips on a cannoli, and the vehicle will tip to the left and miss the iceberg! The pastry-related finale will top the garlic number from Dance of the Vampires for sheer culinary glee. And the whole thing can be narrated by a Showboat character singing, "Titanic's comin'!" Bring on the Tony awards.



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18 comments
Prince
Prince

Sara Ramirez would be a killer Cristal Connors..... picture her riding in on a motorcycle.  Jeremy Jordan for Zack Carey. Kathy Najimy for Henrietta Bazoom.

Nomi Malone:  Elizabeth Berkeley in her broadway debut! if she's "unavailable", Charlotte d'Aboise, Megan Milty, Brooke Sunny Moriber, or Hunter Ryan Herdlicka

F. Packer
F. Packer

How about "Joe Estzerhas: Angry Letters": A New Musical. (Act One: Ovitz, Act Two: Mel)

Jules
Jules

If any movie needs to be a musical it's---

Splendor in the Grass (starring Cortney Wolfson as Deanie and Jeremy Jordan as Bud, and Megan Hilty in the show stopping Tony award worthy role of Ginny and Norbert Leo Butz as Ace, that movie has Tony award winning Broadway musical written all over it)

Whatever Happened to Baby Jane (an opera akin Sunset Blvd, starring Bernadette Peters and Patti Lupone, it NEEDS to happen NOW)

Inside Daisy Clover (pure utter Broadway material, it could almost be the prequel to the movie version of Valley of the Dolls, see the movie ASAP, plus it has Robert Redford and Christopher Plummer in their gorgeous prime)

Hotel New Hampshire (it would make for an absolutely insane and completely bizarre yet oddly brilliant and very entertaining Broadway musical, it literally has everything in it including the kitchen sink)

latenitebump
latenitebump

paris is burning. the musical. the warriors. the musical.the eyes of laura mars. the musical.girl 6. the musicalthe exorcist. the musicalthe trilogy of terror. the musical

Gregorama
Gregorama

"Mommie Dearest" is much too grand for mere Broadway....it must be a Grand Italian Opera!  Years ago, some fellow musicians and I translated some of the best scenes into Italian and performed an abridged, "in mufti" performance.  It was called "MAMMA CARISSIMA" (subtitled, "La battaglia di Giovanna e Tina Crawford").  The big Act II aria, sung, of course, by Mamma Giovanna Crawford (contralto) was, "Non attaccapani metallico...mai piu!" ("No wire hangers, ever," of course).  Little Tina (coloratura soprano)'s aria was, "Non sono uno dei vostri spettatori!" ("I am not one of your fans!").  The script really lends itself to Italian over-emoting!

As for "Showgirls," I would envision a big, nude dance number called, "I GOT TOWELS!"

Supergr8
Supergr8

Kansas City Trucking Company.

mookindahouse
mookindahouse

Showgirls the Musical has some potential

there was talk of a Betty Boop musical a few years back w/ Chenoweth as Ms. Boop-Oop-a-Doop (and in the '80s a version w/ Bernadette Peters I believe was scrapped). this one I would love to see, kind of like 'Chicago' but set in Toontown

VonLmo
VonLmo

Texas Chainsaw: The Musical

Southern Dave
Southern Dave

An AA (African-American, not Alcoholics Anonymous) "Mommie Dearest"  is inspired and too, too Fabu!

"Whatever Happened to Baby Jane" has already been a musical that tried out in Texas. I think "Baby Jane" should be an OPERA. Two bravura roles! And the Victor Buono part for some big, fat tenor.

"Valley of the Dolls: The Musical" -- I don't know why it hasn't happened yet!

Sutton Foster -- THERE's your Neely O'Hara! And a complete change of pace for Miss F.

Bette Midler as Helen Lawson ("I got a MAN waitin' for me!") OR Donna Murphy.(If she promises to show up.)

Savannah Wise (the cute chorus girl from from "SMASH") as Jennifer North, whose big solo is "Awww, what the hell; Let 'em droop!"

Katherine McPhee as well-bred Anne Wells, who deplores "a crude person like Miss Lawson!"

Raul Esparza as Lyon Burke, the agent (rename him "Lyons Maine," like the character from the "Little Me" book.

Christian Borle as director Ted Casablanca

Open for any other casting suggestions...

Guest
Guest

Waiting for Guffman. It's just begging for it.

Whompers
Whompers

I actually think these are good ideas. What does that say about me, lol?

Musto
Musto

I must be obsessed with Showgirls today. In fact, I'm obsessed with it every day.

Minx
Minx

And Clover has songs by Dori Previn, I think, who also scored Valley of the Dolls.

mookindahouse
mookindahouse

 there actually was a Valley of the Dolls musical done in the early '80s called Legs at the now defunct Musical Theatre Works , w/ Ellen Foley (the singer from Meat Loaf's "Paradise by the Dashboard Light") as the NEEELY OHAAARRA character and Karen Ziemba as Jennifer

it closed early because Jackie Susann's estate threatened a lawsuit

Supergr8
Supergr8

Inside Daisy Clover!  Fantastic choice.  My favorite thing about this movie is the 60's-30's look.  

Bwaybill
Bwaybill

There was a Valley of the Dolls musical done off Broadway with Kate Flannery some years ago. Very funny.

Gregorama
Gregorama

I remember seeing a "Ballet of the Dolls" in the mid-80's in the East Village...could it have been at the Pyramid Club?  I just remember being mightily impressed with it...or maybe it was the drugs I was on myself at the time?

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