I Met The Biggest Phony In The Entire City

Categories: Advice

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Illustration: AriBa
The other night, I was heading into a Village club when a young woman, accompanied by friends, started screeching:

"OH MY GOD! MICHAEL MUSTO! I WORSHIP YOU! I ABSOLUTELY ADORE YOU! I'M A WRITER TOO AND I THINK YOU'RE THE ABSOLUTE BEST! I READ LA DOLCE MUSTO ON THE PLANE! I LOVE YOU!"

I shyly but sincerely thanked her twice, pleased by the flattery while fully knowing that you can't always take these spontaneous outburts too seriously.

I mean, it was a purely chance encounter!

Well, sure enough, the next day she tweeted someone:

"Met Michael Musto at Monster (lol) last night with his 18-year-old side piece. He was exactly what you'd expect."

Gee, that didn't sound too enthusiastic. The "lol" after Monster was clearly a comment on my personality and the "exactly what you'd expect" tended to imply I was a bitch, though the truth is I'd been grateful if a bit reserved, considering the suddenness of her explosion. Plus my 18-year-old side piece was actually a 32 year-old friend.

And this is from a huge fan? And a writer?

She then tweeted:

"Unfortunately, since I'm not a drag queen or rent boy, I was of very little interest to Michael."

Huh? I was walking into a club and graciously paused to smile and say "Thank you." You mean if it was a drag queen or a rent boy, I would have dragged them home for a month or two?

"Weren't you the one who was screeching how much you admired me?" I tweeted her. "Hmm."

Being cornered instantly drove her back into gushy fan mode:

"I'm deeply honored by even scorn, you've delivered it to so many so deliciously over the years."

Woo-hoo.


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46 comments
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lobo
lobo

Maybe she was commenting on the irony of Monster...party monster? I dunno.

normadesmond
normadesmond

42 POSTS!

i want the rights to the mini-series. thank you!

Musto
Musto

She just tweeted me: "Just wanted to say sorry if I offended you or seemed rude.  I am a huge fan but have a big mouth sometimes." I fully accepted the apology.

Ribs
Ribs

But she said she loves the scorn!!!!

Parvenu
Parvenu

Yay! And she used Musto's name in her tweets. Musto didn't use her name at all.

GrossedOut
GrossedOut

I'm pretty disgusted reading all of these people call a girl who is apparently by your description, Michael, quite young a "skank" (what basis is there for that?), "comprised of shit", "sick", etc. based on nothing more than a couple of tweets and a one-sided account of a drunken bar encounter. Is this really the kind of dialogue you encourage? I'm pretty sure you've probably made some unfortunate comments in your many club-going years and I'm sure you wouldn't have appreciated this kind of attention for it, but the blog is far less offensive to me than these comments from anonymous internet trolls with nothing better to do than attack some girl they've never met. 

Disappointed fan
Disappointed fan

I'm sorry, but is this a serious column?  I read you all the time and I'm very surprised that you actually took time out to publicly embarrass and attack a fan of yours on your blog.   You met someone at a club who was so excited to see you that they couldn't contain themselves...and then you "shyly" thanked them and blogged maliciously about them.  If this girl really idolizes you as she said, she probably read your shy thank you as a brush-off (and of course, alcohol might have something to do with it) and took offense because she idolizes you and didn't get a more inspiring response.  I understand her tweet about the rent and side boy may have been out of line, but I don't think it warrants an entire column dedicated to it.  Cut the girl some slack, perhaps?    PS I think the "lol" more referred to the fact that she met an idol of hers at Monster rather than in another locale.   Or at least that's how I took it.  She may be a writer, but there is only so much one can express in 140 characters.  

anonTWO
anonTWO

SHE STARTED IT!!!!!!

Lala
Lala

Yes! And she put it out on Twitter for all,to read. Didn't she think about embarrassing her idol in public that way? She's a skank.

olandp
olandp

... and here you are...

Disappointed fan
Disappointed fan

 You guys tell me to get a life and yet clearly, you have nothing better to do than sit here and criticize someone you've never even met.  I guess it makes sense that obnoxious people gravitate towards malicious and unnecessary blogs. 

Lala
Lala

I also love her being called out for being a phony, then responding "I call it like it is." No, you're a phony.

Jonathan Crowther
Jonathan Crowther

 Uhh, no.  You've got that quite wrong and are obviously dissecting this way too much.

How about a life?  I have extras and can send you one, just ask.

Diesel
Diesel

Agreed. And this isn't a column, just one blog post. And Musto didn't name her. I thought it was spot on.

Gino Del Reno
Gino Del Reno

Some people are composed of Shit..cant be helped.

Terence
Terence

Don't give her any more air time. She sounds like a sneaky bitch, not worth another minute of your attention. One of thousands who think being shrill and gushy = interesting. Probably hasn't got a single true friend.

VonD
VonD

Throw shade, Mother Musto, read!

Andyhumm
Andyhumm

I'm not a Monster celebrity like you, Michael, but this happens to me sometimes when I'm recognized as co-host of the Gay USA show. Most people who come up to me are very gracious and kind. But I ran into a guy in a bar once who hit me with all this flattery and then when I wouldn't stay and talk with him for the rest of the evening, he turned on me and started insulting me. No good deed goes unpunished. People are funny, as Art Linklater used to say.

Midgie
Midgie

If she was parading around the Village with a group of friends and was shrieking to you, she probably had had a cocktail or two. Which makes her later responses all the less easy to trust.

freddiemessina
freddiemessina

Ugh!! Another delusional Carrie Bradshaw wannabe without any sense. This is why Gay men take issue with girls at gay bars. That's the thing about fruit flies. They are annoying no matter where they are.

anonymouse
anonymouse

Please don't let this encounter with gracelessness personified change your behavior. You've always been accessible and polite with fans. 

Musto
Musto

Don't worry, I won't. Another lady just came shrieking her praises to me on the street and I delightfully posed for a photo with her. Even if she tweets something nasty, I will be nice next time too.

Melinda9
Melinda9

The boring side of the internet - people who aren't very smart making unfunny jokes and stupid remarks at other's expense. And she got some attention for doing it.

Atila the Hun
Atila the Hun

that girl is a total c*nt bucket. registered psycho.

Natali
Natali

G-damn, and I thought calling out your name at the Roslyn Kind concert (because of the crowd) was crazy. This girl clearly has me beat. She sounds like a loon.

Musto
Musto

I was delighted when you called my name at the Roslyn concert.

Anyway, she jsut sent out a whole new tweet:

"I'm a huge fan but call it as I see it. No love lost here."

Natali
Natali

Aw, I'm glad. Because as soon as I did, I thought, "I really shouldn't have done that." I was just so excited to meet you, and wanted to before you disappeared with the crowd. :)

Roisters
Roisters

She is clearly sad and maybe even sick. Typical horrible fan behavior.

Indri
Indri

You handle jabs all the time, but they're not supposed to come from people who shriek in the street that they love you.

Musto
Musto

She's back to the dissing.

She just tweeted this:

"I’m so honored mikeymusto took time to write about little ol’me. You’d think after years in his job, he could handle a few jabs."

Timmee
Timmee

Mikey? What are you, the kid from the Life cereal commercial. Jesus. 

Musto
Musto

Well, my twitter name is mikeymusto. I hate it  but that's what was available.

MartinNYID
MartinNYID

Michael, didn;t you get the Memo? Geez you're behind:1. If you're an artist or anyone in the public arena, you owe those who can be loud and obnoxious an inordinate amount of your time

2. It's no longer about the artist, writer or journalist. It is about the a-u-d-i-e-n-c-e. SO even when the all-so interesting general public pays to see a performance,  you must put up with them chanting your songs off key as if at a football game; accept they're going to steal footage of you for their youtube page; and resent you if you ask them to switch off their phones.

repeat after me: "I'm the monkey, I'm the monkey, I get paid to jump for them"

The GP worships at the altar of fulfillment through attachment.

In other words: you god you.

Musto
Musto

She's back to the dissing:

She just tweeted:

"I'm so honored mikeymusto took time to write about little ol' me. You'd think after years in his job, he could handle a few jabs."

normadesmond
normadesmond

ah fame.....just snap your head back, wipe the errant bang from your brow and tell them to fuck themselves. it works for me!

alexgeana
alexgeana

fans, in the age of twitter (cue the dramatic music).

anonTWO
anonTWO

ha ha!Hope she is reading this one too.I peeped the phony vibe when you recalled she told you she reads your blog on the plane. The girl is so freaking fabulous she only has time to read your blog whilst in the air jetting off to various exotic locations throughout the galaxy.

Musto
Musto

I think she meant my book "La Dolce Musto" and I think she was sincere about that part.

Starkers
Starkers

People never seem to realize that their tweets can be read by one and all.

Ick
Ick

Cut her some slack. She obviously does admire you and that's why she's being a two faced bitch, lol.

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