Funny Jokes About Getting Old!

Categories: Theater

old man teeth01.jpg
At a taping of The Barry Z Show, a group of actors did a scene from a play about hypochondriacs called Sick Bastids, written by Charles Messina.

In the middle of it, an octogenarian barrels out and starts cataloguing some of the most memorable jokes about being old, in order to give the hypochondriacs a lighter moment.

They were:


"How did I become over the hill without getting to the top first?"

"The best thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day."

"Of all the things I've lost, the one I miss the most is my mind."

"When I get a little action, that means my prune juice is working."

And: "Death: Life's way of telling you, 'You're fired'."

Don't laugh too hard. You'll croak from a heart attack.

But let me add some of my own old jokes, borrowed from various famous comics. Brace yourselves for hilarity.

"I'm so old that when I was born, the Dead Sea was just sick."

"Always be nice to your children because they're the ones who will choose your rest home."

"A man is as old as the woman he feels."

"I'm so old that the only thing I can sink my teeth into is water."

"I'm so old that when I go out with someone, I can't take yes for an answer."

Dead yet?


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7 comments
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anonTWO
anonTWO

my fave ageist joke is: "getting old beats the alternative"!

r.i.p adam yauch.

Jonster
Jonster

Love it.  This is the type of stuff you would hear up in the Borscht Belt in the old days. 

R Reagan
R Reagan

Another thing about Alzheimer's, you can hide your own Easter eggs.

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

Picture it...Sicily...Tyson...old...yella...negroni...couldn't drink it.

PC
PC

Seriously?

But then again.....probably not.

Vita
Vita

Nothing about an innuendo being an Italian suppository? Oh, that's a "stupid" joke, not an old joke.

Marquesa
Marquesa

I recognize a Phyllis Diller joke in there. Yay!

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