Get A Load Of The Latest Weirdie I Almost Became Friends With

Categories: Advice

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Late last year, he chased me into a store to say he'd met me at the coat check of the Black Party and wanted to say hello.

He seemed nice.

A few nights later, he left a message saying it was great to run into me, but he wanted to make a better impression.

Rather than play games, I called right back. Strangely, I got his machine, so I left a message.

He called back two weeks later! "I just got the message. Sorry."

He muttered something about his assistant.

We ended up going to see a show together.

Everything was fine except that in the course of conversation, he mentioned that a woman in his building had accused him of assaulting her.

I thought this was odd. Maybe even disturbing.

I didn't call him again, losing interest while getting caught up in other things. He left a message anyway, saying, "Got your message and it was so great to hear your voice." What message?

A week later, he left another message, sounding irked:

"I'm really not accustomed to you not picking up the phone when I call. I don't know what that's all about. No harm, no foul. Just give me a break."

Angrier:

"Come on! Don't be so difficult, dude. So passive aggressive. For Gosh sakes! Is it so difficult, really?"

More plaintive:

"If you don't want me to call you back and I did something wrong, please let me know. I'm feeling a little deficient in confidence. My apologies."

Yikes. This was getting messy. And he called again at 2 A.M.! He left two messages, both pretty loony and delivered with manic energy and chattering teeth.

First message: "I just got off the phone with Tom Brokaw. He told me to call you. You're the closest relation to the media that I've got. I called 911. My father is abusing my mom. They said to call 411 and 311! Dude, I'm pissed! I'm angry! And you're gonna hear it to the day that my father isn't allowed back in the house! Michael! Please!

"I got Michael on the line...Bloomberg. I got Tom Brokaw I can call. Sound crazy? Yes, I do! I don't care. Why do I have to call 411 or 311 to get 911? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?"

Second call: "Come on! I'm friends with...[drops club kids' names]. Gimme a fucking break. For Christ's sake, what's with the 311111111 bullshit? If any of you let the rest of us breathe, maybe it's an opportunity to live! Should I call [writer] from the Times? He's a good friend. Throw me a bone. Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?"

Oh, lordy. I feel sorry for this guy--who has a real sweetness (and thankfully doesn't have a computer)--but this is so over.


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29 comments
Jonster
Jonster

Watch out.  This guy wants to boil your bunny! 

"You can't just DISMISS me!"

Skiwie
Skiwie

Please, Musto, be wary of unhinged nuts like this. 

He sounds like he'd be a good candidate to volunteer with the RNC, so you should direct him to their nearest office.

Just let the police know what's he's been up to and record any further bizarre conversations with or messages from him.

billyjoe
billyjoe

One wonders how his ads on Craigslist might read.

Rob in Philly
Rob in Philly

Are you and Whoopi Goldberg the same person?  I've never seen you in a room together... hmmm...

nostradavid
nostradavid

Close call. Thanks for sharing your latest drama.Sounds like Celebrity Worship Syndrome / Borderline - Pathological.Imagine who he will be dropping your name to now.

Honks
Honks

Bi-polar would be my best guess....was he attractive...LOL

Timmee
Timmee

The only saving grace is that with this brand neurochemically damaged psycho in another 2 weeks he'll have completely forgotten he ever knew you. 

Southern Dave
Southern Dave

The mentions of Tom Brokaw might not be as weird as you think.

Wink-wink, nudge, nudge, Say no more.

guadelupe
guadelupe

Is this by Whoopi Goldberg? Seems it's by Musto. So why is there an image of her at the beginning? Wouldn't people conflate her with the weirdo? What's up with that? Yea, maybe we're supposed to think she's the one getting the call from the weirdo, but still....(being a big fan of her, I gotta wonder)

Dandy
Dandy

It took him two weeks to get the message and he blames his assistant? Why am I feeling he doesn't HAVE an assistant?

Dlcapac
Dlcapac

Borderline Personality Disorder.  

Drfreud
Drfreud

Sounds to me like he probably DID assault the woman in his building, though maybe he doesn't remember it, so to him it's just an accusation. Can't figure why he blurted the info to you, though. He waves his own red flags to people.

Swerling
Swerling

The references to Tom Brokaw are the weirdest of all. The guy is delusional or holding on to some old connections. He might be the victim of abuse (from the father, who he says hits the mother).

Natali
Natali

"I'm really not accustomed to you not picking up the phone when I call." Of everything he said, this is the comment that bothered me the most because it's when he said this, that I realized something is very, very off. You're a busy man, what does he expect, for you to be at his beck and call?! If he wants to call, that's fine. If he wants you to call back, that's fine. But for him to expect that you will instantly be on the other line...well, that is so NOT fine. If his inappropriate behavior continued, I would recommend a restraining order. Yikes!

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

You see kids...it ain't all glamor and glitter all the time.

I once met someone who "passively/aggressively" bragged about breaking his doorman's arm because he wouldn't let him into his co-op bldg when he was drunk....I slowly ended the conversation and casually walked away because the weird "he deserved it" half-smile/smirk creeped me out.

latenitebump
latenitebump

girl, you have to be careful. didn´t you watch the bodygurad?rachel marron (whitney houston) was in the same kind of situation.

 

Mavro Arni
Mavro Arni

Just be grateful that you didn't have a "What's the frequency, Kenneth?" moment with him.

Istanbull
Istanbull

Yes, sounds like meth. Poor thing. But good for you for getting away.

Vivi
Vivi

I wonder if the father hitting the mother is for real or it's in his mind and he's somehow projecting his own shit?

Bones
Bones

Definitely on drugs, Definitely low self esteem and rage issues. Sad.

Natali
Natali

I think you may be the only person who would think that...

Bwaybill
Bwaybill

Oh please. People are pretty sophisticated and realize that images are used to embellish articles. It's the image of Whoopi on the phone. A few words into the piece, you realize it's about a guy. it's not about Whoopi. Can't her fans read? 

Mavro Arni
Mavro Arni

Yes he does, Dandy! Its a large, demonic rabbit named Frank.

Muscato
Muscato

"He waves his own red flags to people."

That is a great and very useful line.  Haven't we all met those people (and maybe at least once been concerned that we're, at least briefly, one of them)?

Chris J VonTanner
Chris J VonTanner

I've known a lot of people that have dealt with meth addiction (myself included) and this is so much more...psychosis, sociopath...

guadelupe
guadelupe

 Her fans can read very well. And her fans know that images are used to embellish articles (since this fan has worked in publishing off and on her whole life). I just thought it was a strange choice.

DavisMcDavis
DavisMcDavis

The photo is from the Whoopi Goldberg movie The Telephone (1988) : "A crazy out of work actress, Vashti Blue (played by Whoopi Goldberg), spends all her time in her small apartment with her pet owl and her telephone, which she uses to try and solve all her problems with life." 

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