The Worst Breakup Lines Of All Time

Categories: Advice

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Let's face it, we've heard them all--and we've used them all.

Here are the absolute most cliched and rotten lines to send someone out the door with, adding insult to injury:


*"It's not you. It's me."

(Oh, please. No one really believes they did anything wrong in a relationship. It's always them.)


*"I just need a little space. You know, some private time."

(To which the other person can easily reply, "Then why have you been fucking my best friend?")


*"I guess I'm just not the marrying kind."

(Perfect response: "Neither am I. Whoever said we were going to get married? We were just having a relationship, beyotch.")


*We've grown apart. It's like we don't even know each other anymore."

(Translation: "I know you all too well by now, and you're not at all the fun-loving brainiac I thought you were when we started dating. In fact, you're a soul-sucking bore from outer space. Besides, I'm fucking your best friend.")


*The relationship has changed. It's like we've become siblings more than lovers."

(I.e., I have come to find you physically repellent.)


And the worst of all...

*"I can't renew you, but feel free to pitch me ideas. We can do this on a piece-by-piece basis."

(No, wait, that's what magazines say when they fire you! Hey, maybe it would work...)

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7 comments
nostradavid
nostradavid

"I'm fucking your best friend" should be considered a compliment,followed by "Thanks for introducing us. You have great taste in friends." My sex life has always been based on a piece-by-piece basis.

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

It's like we've become siblings more than lovers."

This is why I don't "date" people like me....It's happened way too often.  OPPOSITES attract...but my friends don't understand that...("What?? You two were meant for each other!") yeah but, I don't like sleeping with my "brother".

Jonster
Jonster

He actually said the line to me, and then I broke up with him. 

"It didn't mean anything, I swear."

Peachesmcgillicuddy
Peachesmcgillicuddy

Your first line is the one I've heard--and used--most often. "it's not you, it's me." That's supposed to make it go down easier, as it were, but I'm not sure that it really does since it's so phony.

Jasper
Jasper

I'm gonna try to "I can't renew you" line!

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

 ...and two "bottoms" don't make a top!  No matter how big...omg...TMI!

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