Green Lantern Is Gay! Here Are His Special Powers!

By Michael Musto Fri., Jun. 1 2012 at 11:45 AM

Yes, one more superhero has emerged as a super-queero.

The Green Lantern--most recently played by Ryan Reynolds (albeit as a womanizer)--is now an out gay media mogul who's fearless and honest and has as little use for the closet as he does for the color purple.

And I have some marvelous ideas as to what his special powers should be.

*The ability to turn lime green into seafoam green at will

*The ability to change the name of D.C. comics to A.C.-D.C. comics

*The ability to stop Avengers II, III, IV and so on from being produced, in the name of sanity and originality

*The ability to make me read a comic book for the first time since Archie & Veronica

*The ability to look really fierce.

We Recommend

latenitebump

ugh!

GREEN LANTERN IS SOOOOO GAY

Green lantern's other powers: to take it up the butt for two hours.

Another Green Lantern power: to take it up the butt from Superman's super sclong.

Still another Green Lantern power: to take on a gang bang from Batman, Superman, Robin, Spiderman, and The Fantastic Four.

corrective_unconscious

Now no one has to wonder what occupies your mind.

Brigman

The ability to hold up a restaurant line while sampling all flavors of ice cream before ordering.

Savannah Montgomery

Trolls turn invisible on sight! Oh wait a minute...we all have that power.

Lincoln C. Chinnery

Not a troll. Just a Comic book fan, writer, drinker and lover of all things NYC who had a valid opinion with what was writen. Trolls hide, I do not.

Musto

I'm well aware that it's Alan Scott and originally had the name in it, but took it out because the phrasing actually made it more confusing. But now we have it all settled here.

Lincoln C. Chinnery

Really? Okay. Then I'm done talking about it. It's a shame you had to bow to the will of the pedestrians but I understand my. Please ignore my comment.

Lincoln C. Chinnery

I know you're joking but get your info straight (no pun) It's ALAN SCOTT aka the Original Green Lantern. If you're going to make jokes and attempt to be funny do some research first. For instance, this particular Green Lantern's weakness is wood. P.S. That Green Lantern movie was a steaming pile of crap.

corrective_unconscious

You meant Green Lantern's weakness is "woody." Mine also.

I accidentally "liked" your post, because my browser won't load a page conclusively.