Obama's Ratings Have Slipped! Here's How We Can Help

Categories: Advice

220px-Official_portrait_of_Barack_Obama-2.jpg
Ever since the jobs report came in with staggeringly unfunny statistics, President Obama's approval rating has gone down like a hooker, making him a little too close to Republican competitor Mitt Romney in the polls for the comfort of any sane American.

So here's what we have to do, folks:


Go out and buy stuff! Any stuff!

That will make spending statistics go up--and you can just deal with the debt later, after Obama's re-elected.


Get a job! Any job!

For years, we've all been putting off the sense that we might have to be a greeter at Wal-Mart for a while, but now's the time to seize the day and actually do it.

Our employment will factor into the next jobs report, and what's more, that new income might help you pay for all those things you bought thanks to my first suggestion.


Pick up your phone every time it rings. It might be a pollster.

If so, tell them you absolutely love Obama and you feel the economy's doing just fine, thank you. That will bolster his ratings and help clear the air of doom messing up the media these days. Consider it a white lie to spare the Prez's feelings.


And get ready to vote en masse.

Let's make a statement, people.

This is no time for sitting back and letting fate take its course.

We have to act!

I mean, do you honestly think the economy is Obama's fault or that Romney really has a better idea on how to handle it?

And wouldn't you even rather have Obama in a bad economy than Romney in a good one?

Get off your ass!


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10 comments
MK3
MK3

Added suggestions: 1) Only putting out with Latinos(nas) that are registered to vote. 2) Making sure your fruit fly, and her one girlfriend, are registered to vote. 3) Convert 1 member of GOProud or Log Cabin Repubs from the darkside by leveraging O's pro-gay marriage stance.

latenitebump
latenitebump

sorry! but the economy must be doing something because the dollar is gaining strength against the euro. a strong indication that the economy is not as bad as when bush was in office!

Frederico
Frederico

Do we hafta? Can't they find anyone better than these two turdballs to run for president?  If these are the best America can offer then start stocking up on Spam at the 99 cent store

Ulu
Ulu

I KNOW. THE REPUBLICAN TARDS THINK YOU'RE REALLY SAYING THE DEMS SHOULD GET JOBS AT WAL-MART AND GO OUT AND BUY THINGS BECAUSE THAT WILL KEEP OBAMA IN OFFICE. SAD LACK OF INTELLECT.

VING
VING

Pathetic equals you. Could you not see that it was sardonic humor? You know, satire!!!!

Dukee
Dukee

What a pathetic list, sounds pretty desperate just to stay on top in polls. There are no jobs!, thats why Obama has no chance in November. The sooner you accept that, the better off you'll be.

Vodkastinger
Vodkastinger

I'm in!!  Last night I had a nightmare that I was lost on the 7 train and when i got off Mitt Romney was outside a Burger King, where he called me a faggot.  Thank god toby was there and recorded it using siri.  anyways point is (love him or hate him) Obama is the guy and we have to make sure people understand that.

Trayon Skittles Martin
Trayon Skittles Martin

more suggestions: Have George Clooney eat Pink Flamingos dog shit. Mary Kate and Ashley having incest lesbian sex and then pissing on Anna Wintour. Susan Sarandon doing Michael Moore up the butt with a ax handle. Katie Couric snorting bath salts and then eating out Angelina Jolie.

Guest
Guest

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