This Cannibalism Trend Has Got To Stop!

Categories: Advice

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It seems like every time I look at Google News, someone's just eaten a person's face or dismembered them and sent the parts around while nibbling on the leftovers.

This is sick!

I know there's still a recession going on, but just sneak into the local pub and grab some bar nuts if you're that hungry, for God's sake.

And don't convince yourself that people's faces taste like chicken. Oh, no! They're much saltier.

Besides, without vegetables, human body parts simply don't comprise a balanced meal. If you have to eat someone's leg or ear or taint, at least serve it with some cauliflower and a side salad.

And don't even think of trying to find the right wine!

The whole chianti-and-human-liver trend died out with the Silence of the Lambs franchise, so where does that leave you? With your best friend's arm and nothing to wash it down with.

So how about if you don't eat people at all, OK?

It doesn't go with anything and it's never going to impress the foodies.

If this insane trend keeps up, I'm going to have to open a chain of Soylent Green Cafes.

And then you'll be sorry.

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13 comments
Barf
Barf

This all reminds me of the famous NY Post headline. "Dad's Note To Kids: Mom's In The Fridge"

Southern Dave
Southern Dave

I've seen articles saying this is all part of the Zombies-Apocalypse genre. Jeffrey Dahmer was simply ahead of the Zeitgeist. His guest room was the refrigerator.

VonD
VonD

There's a simple answer for all this: more bathhouses and far fewer toxic bath salts!

Movielover
Movielover

It's very weird!  Maybe people taste good?  We eat well and pigs taste great even though their diets are not usually high brow. 

Timmee
Timmee

Methinks it's time for the big Broadway revival of the musical adaptation of Eating Raoul. 

Wandanevada
Wandanevada

It's getting to the point where vegans will now torture waiters, asking questions like, "Are you sure there's no human flesh in the soup?"

Rasta
Rasta

I love eating people's taints. Is that so wrong?

latenitebump
latenitebump

hopefully, you never get invited over for dinner by a cannibal. think motel hell.

Movielover
Movielover

I'm sure your friends love you for it (and your discerning pallet).

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