We Need Our Own Diamond Jubilee!

Categories: Advice

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After all, the one for Queenie has given the UK a much needed boost, everyone scrambling to buy mugs and T shirts and anything with the British flag colors in order to celebrate the old bag's longevity at standing and waving.

And lord knows our own country could use such a bump, the latest jobs report giving a horrid kick in the pants to our fiscal mood, not to mention to Obama's hope for re-election and my own prayers for a side gig working the register at a Chipotle.

So let's do a lil' old Jubilee and give ourselves the chance to buy headbands, planters, and tea cozies again!

It'll pick us out of the mudhole!

Let's celebrate the many, many years of our own queen--Barbara Walters.

Let's face it, she's run even longer than Queen Lizzie, and a salute to her would be festive yet dignified and would force people to wear funny hats, have picnics, and buy things.

Babs can go on The View for four solid days and tell people to make purchases or die--and believe me, they'll listen and obey.

And just like in England, Kylie can perform!

No, wait. We have a real queen on our shores--Latifah.

How about a coming out jubilee full of rainbow colored potpourri and U-Hauls?


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9 comments
Southern Dave
Southern Dave

We've already had ours.

Elizabeth Taylor WAS a diamond jubilee.

Jonny
Jonny

God, I remember those awful years when Nancy Reagan thought she WAS the Queen of America.

Steffi
Steffi

Let's have a jubilee for Betty White!

Isaiah
Isaiah

"We have a real queen on our shoes." Ricky Martin

Whiskers
Whiskers

She was more like Eva Braun.

VonD
VonD

Don't forget Rick Santorum, Lindsay Graham, Mitch McConnell, Tony Perkins, Gary Bauer, Marcus Bachmann, Cardinal Timothy Dolan...honey, we have so many crazy super-Queens running around the US we make the European aristocracy jealous.

corrective_unconscious
corrective_unconscious

Absolutely false. There is no indication that Eva Braun influenced policy or ran anything, via hairdresser-psychic's information or otherwise.

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