You Can't Do S**T Anymore! What's Left?

Categories: Advice

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You can't have sex anymore, for obvious reasons.

You can't drink because people found out a while ago that it's an illness and now everyone's recovering and staying away from the devil booze as if it were death itself.

You can't do drugs because they're deadly and, worse, extremely uncool.

You can't smoke in public places or you'll end up on Death Row.

You can't open a restaurant without the cleanliness grade being blared on your front window for all the world to see.

You can't order something there without the calorie count being thrown in your face.

A nightclub can't allow any "bad" behavior or they'll be continually raided, then shut down.

If a NYC street has a bike lane, you can't cycle outside of it or you'll get fined.

And last week, Mayor Bloomberg revealed his plans to ban large sodas!!!

You can't get more than 16 ounces!

(Though I plan to make repeat trips to the counter via various disguises.)

This is becoming the kind of state George Orwell and Ray Bradbury hallucinated in their darker moments.

It's totally cuckoo, with a little too much "caring" on the part of our Big Brother.

Things that used to be left to choice and common sense are now programmed into our society's rules, so there's no room for spontaneity, hedonism, or learning by doing anymore.

Now that the most banal human behavioral acts are being legislated, what's left for us to do without incrimination?

I'd say....eat like a pig!

And take lots and lots of prescription drugs!

Then eat some more!

Try and stop me, Bloomberg!


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11 comments
Sandiegocomet
Sandiegocomet

I should clarify to my comment below, that the impending ban on outdoor smoking areas is at the Del Mar County Fairgrounds in San Diego County. 

Sandiegocomet
Sandiegocomet

And then there's the hypocrisy, launched often by my fellow liberals here in Goody Two Shoes San Diego, CA, where they plan on outlawing cigarette smoking in the designated OUTDOOR spaces. Naturally, they're pulling the kid card and studies on second-hand smoke that don't exist or pertain to outdoor second-hand smoke. This, in a county fair where deep-fried food of every kind is promoted to the tenth degree.

Lostarchitect
Lostarchitect

It's a tough one. Technically, the law says you must be in a bike lane when there's one on the street you are on, but you can leave the lane for safety reasons, etc. That makes sense, I guess. However, cops are known to park in the lane and then ticket cyclists for riding around the cop car. That is ridiculous. It's also ridiculous to ticket riders for riding out of the lane due to potholes, road cones, construction, etc., but they sometimes do that too. Take photos, fight the tickets. That's all you can do.

nostradavid
nostradavid

Downsizing Big Gulps while decriminalizing reefer. It's an excellent tradeoff.

Timmee
Timmee

If my friends who work in the higher-echelon nightlife scene (i.e., private clubs), the rich and famous still pretty much do, eat, drink, smoke, lick whatever/whomever they want to with impunity. Meanwhile Black and Latino men in this city are randomly stopped on the street all the time merely for existing. And transwomen of color can be arrested for prostitution if the cops stop them and find a freakin' condom in their purses.

Grammarian
Grammarian

LIBERTIES, not liberty's. Liberty's = belongs to liberty!

VonD
VonD

On top of all of this: we're spied on 24/7/365 by the Federal government and corporations; we're in endless, unpaid-for wars and no matter how much we protest we can't get the country to stop engaging in them; we're being robbed blind by the financial services industry, especially the megabanks, who keep screwing up and getting trillions in tax dollars; we need to end the Bush tax cuts but now even Democrats are caving to their financial masters (see above) and falling into line to create deficits as far as the eye can see; we have these same sickly rich people talking about slashing Medicare, Medicaid and Social Security, the last of which has zero to do with the deficit, so they can have their tax cuts and get richer; we have religious nuts reimposing religious laws all over the country; we have misogynists and racists and homophobes making a comeback; and we cannot get Congress to do its job and pass a real jobs bill, which we badly need! It's enough to turn you Canadian!

Savannah Montgomery
Savannah Montgomery

I'm not gonna get mad till they ban butt-lickin ...what?...illegal in Tex-ass??? WTF?

Parvenu
Parvenu

You're the most pathetic of all. No one writes more about our real liberties than Musto and the Village Voice. But when the city is trying to ban a large soda, that is definitely worth reporting on!

Musto
Musto

I was stopped by a traffic cop and given a ticket for just that once.

Timmmyk
Timmmyk

You have to tell everyone each and every dull, boring thing you do on every social network or else we'll all think you've got something to hide, too.

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