Cringe-Worthy Lyrics From Broadway Shows

By Michael Musto Fri., Jul. 6 2012 at 11:00 AM

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Here are some of the most crazy-making clunkers, as reported by the commenters on broadwayworld.com, who've seen everything:

"All these things you saw in your pajamas/
Are a long-range forecast for your farmers"

--Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

"If you don't sit still
You'll have the face of Edith Sitwell"

--Aspects of Love

"There's one life and there's no return and no deposit
One life, so it's time to open up your closet"

--La Cage aux Folles

"To kill outside St. Paul's
Requires a lot of balls"

--Jekyll & Hyde

"Hey love eyes
You in those levis!
Your lipstick's wet and waiting for my smear
Hey love eyes
Come here!"

--Whoop-Up

"It's my night, Sammy, all mine, Sammy
And you can't give it your well-known whammy"

--Woman of the Year

"You're far too keen on where and how, but not so hot on why."

--Jesus singing to God in Jesus Christ Superstar

"Garlic! Garlic! The secret to staying yong
Garlic! Garlic! It's why we're so well-hung"

--Dance of The Vampires

Wait a minute. I actually sort of like that one! Is something wrong with me?

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Martin Hennessee

My friend literally wet herself laughing during the "Garlic" number in Dance of the Vampires. I am so glad I got to see that one. It's a shame they couldn't import the German production, which was much more successful, but if I can't have a hit, I can cherish a flop! And it seems to have rid Broadway once and for all of Michael Crawford. As for the "pajamas / farmers" line in Joseph, it's terrible, true, but we should remember that in a working class English accent words ending in an "a" sound usually get an "r" added to them, so it would be pronounced "pajamers." Still a terrible slant rhyme.

Aamnyc

Yes, yes, Larson died before he could brush up some lyrics, but "You're a sensitive aesthete, brush the sauce onto the meat" from RENT has to be right up there.

exackerly

Camelot is full of dreadful lyrics, which I've always attributed to the happy shots Alan Jay Lerner was getting from Dr Feelgood: C'est moi, c'est moi the angels have chose To fight their battles below I have some rather painful news Relative to the subject who's To be beside me at the next court ball When they're beset and besieged The folk not noblessely obliged

Lala

But when you add a mobile spinning around, it's magical.

Rob in Philly

They don't rhyme. Not even close.

MarkyMark

It's my yard so I will try hard To welcome friends I have yet to know Oh I'll plannnnnt my own treeeeeeeee My own tree And I'll make it grow! Well yeah its from a film, and it depicts a New Haven tryout, but still...

Portland

Um, sorry but rhyming "pajamas' and "farmers" is one of the worst attempts at a rhyme ever! And the words "long range forecast" just don't sing. Sorry.

Dwp152

The one from "Joseph" isn't bad. It does fit the situation: In his sleep has a vision of the weather. And the original "Joseph" was written to be performed by twiners. Now for cringe-worthy, you want "Shenandoah": "Next to smelling' me a rose, I like stomping' on some toes." That entire song, called "Next to Lovin' I Like Fightin'," is a huge embarrassment.

Peter Sherwood

Funny, I thought the Garlic Song from Dance of the Vampire too but what I remember is, "The smell is getting stronger! This song is getting longer!"

TimWil014

Tim Rice is apparently one of the nicest people in the world but damn, his lyrics are crappy. Here's another: "One day more, another day, another destiny This never ending road to Calvary." From Les Miserables My all-time favorite, though, is from a show that opened and promptly closed in London's West End in the early 70's named Mardi Gras- A pimp to his ho/girlfriend: "Everything about you, The things that songs forget, like blemishes and sweat, that make you real."

Llalla

ABSOLUTE worst: I'm dressed to the nines, but at sixes and sevens with you...

Gigi

You are insane. That lyric is BRILLIANT.

Michaelgarinnyc

Isn't there a lyric from "Marlowe" that went something like this? "..There were no toilets in 1653. Hey nonny nonny nonny, Life back then wasn't very funny". Yikes!