Olivia de Havilland And Joan Fontaine Are Still Alive! My Thoughts

Categories: Celebs

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Olivia recently turned 96.

And Joan is a few months shy of 95.

And since they're still simmering in their feud--a decades-long sibling rivalry based on petty grudges that can't seem to melt into memories--I just know neither will ever die.

Not until the other one does first!

I have a really strong hunch that neither of these two Oscar winners is going to depart to the big Mayberry RFD in the sky unless she's certain the other one has already croaked.

You see, Olivia and Joan always wanted to be the first at everything--except dying.

And this must lead to a lot of weird antics on behalf of these old coots, both constantly snooping through obits and trying to get information from each other's help.

I can just see Olivia calling Joan's place first thing every morning and asking, "Hello. Is she dead yet?"

"No," responds the maid. "Ms. Fontaine is just fine, thank you."

"Damn!"

But I bet when Joan calls Olivia's place and tries the same thing, Livvy aims to outsmart her:

"Sorry to tell you, Ms. Fontaine, but Olivia passed on this very morning, just a few hours ago. It's so terribly sad."

"Oh, really? Come on! Isn't that you, Olivia?"

"Um, no! It's the maid, I swear it."

"The maid? Who--Mammy? Please! You can't fool me, Livvy. You're not dead yet."

"And neither are you, cunt!"

Ah, the fun of being a Hollywood legend.


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