Tom and Katie Blah Blah Blah: Here Are My Latest Ravings

Categories: Tom Cruise

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I appeared on the Fox 5 news last night to give my blatherings on the latest round of TomKat gossip, providing the following illustrious quotes:


*"Katie knew this was a Scientology marriage. Of course she may have found it more oppressive than it sounded on paper. So I'm not surprised she's gone back to Catholicism. I think her mother will be very happy!"


*"It's been seven years since Tom started the couch jumping excitement. So it's either a seven-year itch or a seven-year arrangement. Or [looking faux-beatific] it's simply true love that went awry!"


I also told them:

*"Many people in unhappy arrangements use secret or disposable cell phones. I'm surprised Tom didn't pick through her trash to find it!"


*As for the gossip report that Katie called Nicole Kidman for advice:

"I'm sure they've both signed so many nondisclosure forms that when Nicole picked up the phone, she could only say the same thing Katie's been saying over and over: 'No comment'."


*And finally, I noted that Katie went from being the poster child for signing into some off kilter arrangement to being the poster child for female independence.

I love show biz!


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13 comments
Jonathan W. Hendry
Jonathan W. Hendry

At least you can read about pretty much everything the Catholics profess without having to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars first. The Catholic Church's secret doctrines have to be extracted via subpoena, not a fee for service.

Topsyturvy8
Topsyturvy8

Oh, how I WANT the convo between Katie and Nicole to be true, true, true and for some sharp witted writer to pen a clever, thinly veiled satire of the meeting for the stage ... in about five years.

Rogie
Rogie

Katie Holmes was his youngest and least-talented partner and still managed to pull off a mean breakup. On the other hand, it's not like he didn't deserve it either. In the best of all possible worlds they'll wind up destroying each other and leave us all the better for it.

Drew
Drew

All religions are CULTS. Mind control and believing in an invisible man in the sky.....CRAZY ! Going back to Catholicism is not a step forward.

BetteD
BetteD

Dear Mister Musto (I don't dare call you Michael or Mike because I truly worship at your feet, honest!): I luv ya, luv ya, luv ya, but what's with the fixation on you-know-who and you-know-who?  I mean, is this the Huffington Post?  Who gives a rat's ass?  (Sorry, not me.)  Please, please, please, can we get back to naked (or at least semi-naked) men who are much more interesting than you-know-who (I can't even type his name w/o vomit coming to my throat) a person who chose the name worthy of a frigging gay porn star?  (Omigod, am I going to be sued now?)

Monsieurpatric
Monsieurpatric

Currently "the" Vatican butler is under house arrest for what he did not totally leak in an affair that ensnares the Vatican Bank and a possibly entombed teenage girl - a youngster who went missing one day just outside the Vatican walls and was buried with a mafiosi who'd heavily contributed to JPII.  Uh, this is all in the news and googlable.  Then, there's the brilliant recent history of all the popes beginning with the evidently crazed Peter and Paul, the possibility of Pope Joan, the Borgias, the Medicis, the gay ones and their lovers and on and on.  Check out Absolute Monarchs.  Lest we forget that the Rottweiler, this Pope, is the cap on the molestation conspiracy.  What a place for Katie's and Suri's peace of mind.  Oh, ask the San Francisco branch of the sisters of Perpetual Indulgence about their experiences with the now retiring Cardinal Levada, Beenedict's current enforcer, the one at war with American nuns, who used to be the creepy and mean Archbishop of San Francisco.  I could go on and I hope Musto readers will take the baton NOW...

Ginga
Ginga

As bad as Catholicism is,it can't hold a (votive) candle to the way Scientology treats its beard wives.

Monsieurpatric
Monsieurpatric

Catholicism?  Less thwarting?  Oh dear.  Katie - have you chatted with an American nun recently?

Musto
Musto

PS: Tom is threatening to sue the Enquirer for their "House of Horrors" story saying he was a total nightmare. watch out!

Whimsy
Whimsy

Great observations!!

Clam On A Halfshell
Clam On A Halfshell

Some religions are cults. Some religions are not. $cientology is definitely a cult.

Monsieurpatric
Monsieurpatric

Kudos, Sweetie.  Wait to you get to the Lourdes part.  We've been there, blessed grotto and all.  Stayed in l'Hotel Gethesmane, 7th floor with lovely view of the river and hills.  In French I asked a religious shop owner, what's really going on here?  He swept his arms outlining the scenery - in Spring the hills are alive with mushrooms.  XO

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