Lady Bunny Got Roasted Last Night! Here's What Went Down
Did you smell deep-fried rabbit last night on West 42nd Street?
Well, for her alleged 50th birthday, drag legend Lady Bunny got roasted by her Hot Mess costars, along with others (like little old me) at xl, and the fur flew so hard it made Roseanne's TV roast look like the Kennedy Center Honors!
Here's a sampling of what I said:
"So Bunny's claiming she's turning 50?
OK, by that math, Joan Rivers is 35!
In reality, Bunny is so old that she was a waitress at the Last Supper.
Her social security number is three.
Jurassic Park brought back memories for her.
Her breasts squirt out powdered milk.
She once walked into an antiques shop and they sold her.
I once told Bunny to act her age, so she died.
Unfortunately, she's still doing her act.
They throw the carcass into a wheelbarrow, put some eyeliner on it, roll it over to xl, and she does some dick jokes.
She makes Mimi Imfurst look like Dorothy Parker.
Speaking of dick, I've stopped trying to get her away from underage Mexican delivery boys.
At least it shuts the bitch up for 10 minutes.
Oh, sorry. Ten hours. That's how long it takes for the boys to get a hardon with dentures clamping their pingas.
And all the while, Bunny's thinking, 'I'm the only classy drag queen in New York.'
Wait, did I just say 'Bunny' and 'thinking' in the same sentence? Shoot me.
And did someone call her a DJ? That's like calling Kim Kardashian a pleasure engineer.
Playing 'La Bamba' in endless rotation, with an occasional 'Edge of Glory' thrown in, does not a DJ make!
Oh, what the hell. You're an inspiration, Bunny. Besides, I'm afraid of you!"
Also getting big yucks were Bianca Del Rio, Miss Guy, Sherry Vine, David Ilku, Linda Simpson, Flotilla DeBarge, and John Epperson.
Miss Guy remarked that Bunny has done so much for the homeless, like sucking their dicks on a regular basis. "In fact, that's how she met RuPaul!"
And Joan Rivers herself sent a hilarious video, which started with "I've roasted more people than Hitler" and went on from there. ("Bunny, you're the only drag queen who doesn't have to tuck. Your face is so ugly that when you look down, your penis runs away.")
A crazy, messy, funny night befitting the only "Lady" who, when asked what she wants on top of her burger, says "A hot dog!"
Love you, Buns.
Don't eat me!
From the first "King & Queen of NY pageant." Photo: John Simone