Porn Stars, Stop Trying To Be Singers!

Categories: Advice

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I'm not even going to name names here.

You all know who I mean (because you follow the music world so closely--yeah, that's it!)

But whenever I hear about some ripening porn idol who has a new "dance hit," I cringe, knowing it will probably be off key, off kilter, and way off my personal chart.

Especially when they sing it live.

I totally admire anyone who mulititasks, mind you, especially these days.

And I'm thrilled when a porn actor seems to know their career clock is ticking and they'd better start branching out.

(Too many of them seem to think their steroidal looks will keep them going longer than Meryl Streep. Delusional!)

But thinking they can break into big-time music out of sheer will is an even bigger stretch than their butt.

Assuming that their looks--and the ability to sell them--will automatically translate into an arena audience is poignant at best.

It's generally not gonna happen, especially when the notes tend to veer off the road like a sloppy bottom letting a top's business slip out of his mouth.

And when you watch them shimmying around up there, desperately trying to be Ricky Martin, you don't even find them sexy anymore.

Please!

If porn stars want to branch out, they should just direct like everyone else.

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13 comments
williamHK
williamHK like.author.displayName 1 Like

Traci Lords did techno before it was even a genre and got good reviews.  I think she has some talent....

keating3232
keating3232

The greatest porn-star dance single was Jeff Stryker singing "Wild Buck."  Even Michael Musto has probably never heard that one!

nostradavid
nostradavid

 @keating3232 The funniest thing I ever read on the Voice was the review of "Jeff Stryker Does Hard Time" By James Hannaham back in 1999. Searching for that I saw the Jeff music video you posted here last year. I'll have to go looking for Wild Buck.

latenitebump
latenitebump

i disagree. many porn stars have crossed over and made the top 40. and how do you define a porn star? paris hilton?

example: andrea true connection more, more, more.

classic.

SavannahMontgomery
SavannahMontgomery

P.S. - They can sing the "Love Boat" theme song anytime...I'll pay extra!!

musto
musto moderator editor

Tom Judson is an exception. I raved about him right here on this blog.

James
James

I can think of one exception. Tom Judson (aka Gus Mattox) who wrote the off-off Broadway show "White Cotton Sheets", performed in it and wrote the music.

TonyAdams
TonyAdams

Oh Michael! There are several men in the category you dish up here. There will be various guesses about which one you're skewering, but I hope it is not Tom Judson. His singing is a return to a previous career and he is really quite serviceable (I looked for a pornish word there and found a giggly one forya)

Anyway, I'm reasonably sure you're talking about those who try for dance hits rather than cabaret, and I agree with you about them.

jackson30
jackson30 topcommenter like.author.displayName 1 Like

Love that phallic microphone.

gmtbear
gmtbear

 @jackson30 You like that big microphone. You like that big mike, don't you boy?

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