The Nastiest Thing I Ever Told Someone

Categories: Media

51mCrm+T4dL._SL500_AA300_.jpg
Telling people about their bad press is a no-no, especially if you couch it in an "I'm so concerned for you" backdrop of fake-compassion.

At least the one time I alerted someone to a bit of bad publicity, I did it without any disingenuous charm whatsoever.

I was just flat out spiteful.

This was in the 1980s, when Spy magazine was roasting every power player in town--a fact that drove people crazy (especially when they weren't mentioned at all).

One of the mag's most popular monthly features was the "Separated at Birth" column, which posted adjacent photos of lookalikes--say, Mick Jagger and Don Knotts or "humorist Calvin Trillin and nonhumorist Lee Harvey Oswald."

Well, when I saw a certain European party person at an event, I couldn't wait to run up to her and tell her she was in the latest issue!

Partly, it was to convey my excitement about her getting publicity, but probably it was just a way to get her goat, since I never really got this lady.

"You're in the new "Separated At Birth," I gurgled to her, like a hairier Rhoda Penmark.

"Really--with who?" she asked, eyes ablaze.

This was my chance to just walk away or murmur "I forget," but she was insisting, so I told her:

"Dr. Zaius from Planet of the Apes."

She didn't take it well.

Zaius_1.jpg


Advertisement

My Voice Nation Help
24 comments
mjm2273
mjm2273

was it Brigitte Nielsen? 

 

she does resemble Dr. Zaius as of late...

johnsimone
johnsimone

I think it was Carmen D'Alessio.

latenitebump
latenitebump

what´s even funnier was when something outrage compared you (mm) to woodsy "give a hoot don´t pollute" owl. that was the first time i ever looked at a link. funniest thing i ever saw. what a hoot.

nostradavid
nostradavid

Who were you Separated at Birth from ?

exackerly
exackerly

I had a Separated at Birth on my blog demonstrating that Ellen DeGeneres was a dead ringer for Tintin.

FPacker
FPacker

Looking at that photo, I'm reminded that Prudhomme and DeLuise were DEFINITELY separated at birth!

BDMV
BDMV

Has to be Pamela Anderson.

RonHamill
RonHamill

@mikeymusto goat ah said goat!

SavannahMontgomery
SavannahMontgomery

SPY mag...I still have the issue with the nude Schwarzenegger...(I thought then it would be a collector's item, meh).

exackerly
exackerly

 @SavannahMontgomery I was a loyal reader for many years, but I threw them all out a few years ago, even the one with the Schwarzenegger photo. After Dark had even better photos of him, but my copies of that beloved magazine are long gone. He appears to be circumcised, by the way, which is distinctly odd.

marcspice
marcspice

@mikeymusto that is way too vague.... Give a hint!!! Omg.... Im gonna pull my bookshelf apart until I find that issue!

themattmager
themattmager

@mikeymusto the phrase is get ones goad:)

monkeyskrump
monkeyskrump

"I forget." Priceless! I used to LOVE separated. One of the best was Bette Davis post stroke, and the gnarled apple tree from the Wizard of Oz.  SPY magazine even printed a guide to the Warhol Diaries. I miss them.

bethesda
bethesda topcommenter

I admire your wicked tongue and your ease at using it when called for.

Loading...