The Five Worst Kinds Of Broadway Board Commenters

Categories: Theater

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Something about proximity to the theater world--or wanting proximity to it--makes people extra crazy and dramatic sometimes.

Here are the five most Tony-deserving types of annoyances that lurk on the show boards that I happen to spend half my life on:


(5) The ones who respond to a long, involved comment by smugly pointing out the error buried in it.

"It's Nina Arianda's second nomination." "Rumple was actually a bomb, not a medium hit." "Only one 't' in Billy Elliot." "Soundtrack???? It's called a cast album!!!!!"


(4) The shameless shills who register just so they can write stuff like:

"The musical version of Long Day's Journey in the basement of the Rat-Tat-Tat Diner on 42nd Street is one of the most breathtaking nights of theater I have ever experienced. The plot moves (it's a swift five hours), the choreography is the jauntiest since Newsies, and Joanie Spalding is the most dazzling discovery since Streisand, though her accent was a little off in Act Nine. By the way, I am not a shill. If I was, would I have told you about the accent problem?"


(3) The broken records who can never let their irritating opinions rest for one second.

"As I said here five seconds ago, The Death of a Salesman was the biggest disappointment since The Goodbye Girl." Somehow they managed to shoehorn that point of view into a discussion of how much drinks cost at Jersey Boys. It's always followed by people moaning "Yes, we know! You've said that before!" punctuated by a #5 type reminding, "There's no 'The' in Death of a Salesman."


(2) The ones who ask obscure head scratchers like, "The Pirate Queen: Anyone know how it changed from previews to opening night?" or "Could Carol Channing do Funny Girl?" With every icebreaker, these nuisances remind one that there is such a thing as too much free time.


(1) The contrary nightmares. These semantic wretches are like the mistake-correctors times a thousand. Their biggest offense is in trying to shout down anyone who dares to leave a negative opinion. Interestingly, their attempt to drown out such critiques is way more negative.

"So in other words, just because you didn't like Once, you think it's OK to come here and say you didn't like it? So I guess all the critics and awards givers should just step aside because you've decided to state that you had problems with the show. Well, did you ever stop to realize that maybe it's you who has the problems and not the show? Have you ever looked in a mirror and figured out why you can't hop aboard the success train without a fight?"

To which the poor person types, "I was just stating my opinion. Isn't that what this board is for?"

Brava!



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21 comments
Matt Borel
Matt Borel like.author.displayName 1 Like

Oh, I get it: no turned left un-stoned.

Its_a_swell
Its_a_swell like.author.displayName 1 Like

Number  three reeks of me. How swell.

 

I'd begin worrying when I'm NOT on these lists, LOL.

FredsterNYC
FredsterNYC

Let's not forget the angry former gypsy. The one who screams about how the the current revival cannot compare to the original. I actually once read a comment by one who ended with, "And you can take that to the Bank!!".

graingerpercy92
graingerpercy92

Speaking of theater, I must tell you about the new production at the Sylmar Playhouse of My Fair Lady.  It's amazing!  I'm not affiliated at all with the production, just was lucky enough to snag a much-prized ticket.  Catch it if you can!

billyjoe
billyjoe

In these parts we call 'em "Theater Geeks."

RC61Austin
RC61Austin

I've been a member of the Broadway World forum/board since 2006.  There are quite a few "characters" in there.   I've locked horns with a few of them thru the years.  I've learned quuite a bit about the theatre through BWW.  The "know-it-alls" sometimes make it hard for newbies or those who hold a different opinion about a show or performer.  By the way, my favorite show is "Chicago."  from RC in Austin, Texas (a.k.a. PattiLuPoneFANatic on Broadway World)

obeyvonlmo
obeyvonlmo like.author.displayName 1 Like

No, I think the worst, at this time, are the fan-girls who post eternal love for the  gay-boys in Newsies. 

crescentmelissa
crescentmelissa like.author.displayName 1 Like

I love you so much Michael Musto.  I am being one of those people whose comment has nothing to do with what the post is about.

bwaybill
bwaybill

Hilarious and spot on, especially number 2!

ladybug9
ladybug9

I hate all hose people--and I've BEEN all those people.

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