The Five Worst Types Of Drag Queens

Categories: Drag Queens

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I adore drag queens. I live for their wit, personality, and nails.

But once in a while, a really rotten one comes along, so let's just describe what that would consist of and then move on, free at last.


(5) The ones who think adding more hair, makeup, and accessories is the classy way to go.

Please! Even cavepeople knew that "Less is more, darlings!"

Turning your face into a late-period Picasso as styled by a Kardashian doesn't bring forth glamour and beauty.

In fact, it's something to avert your eyes from as you develop a lingering chill.

And you generally can't listen to these overdone queens either; they screech like banshees stepping on hot coals!


(4) The ones who rely on the same old tired lipsynchs, making fun of the same old tired divas.

Whitney having a crack-down. Janet having a malfunction. Britney being robotic.

Turn on the TV, gals! There are all new people to make fun of! Lots of 'em!


(3) The ones who use their stage time to bring expression to their deep-seated hatred of women.

You know, "Any fish in the crowd? I can smell the tuna!"

Jokes like that were old and hoary in the '70s.

By now, they belong in a vault with Capone's belongings and the Lindbergh baby.

Why dress up like a woman so you can express disgust with women? I never understood that phenomenon (though I've been guilty of it myself sometimes).


(2) The ones who stop every two seconds to desperately try to whoop up some excitement from the crowd.

As in: "Having a good time?...Let me hear some noise!....I can't hear you!....How many of you are here for the first time? Let me hear you!...Give our bartender another hand!....And how about my dress? Do you like it? I wanna hear some noise about it! Louder, bitches!"

Newsflash: Be entertaining and you will hear some noise. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.


(1) The ditzes.

You know, the ones who put the "drag" in "drag queen" by being unreachable, unreliable, uneducated, and downright dumb.

The ones who think Atlantic City is a country.

Who think reading a book means snapping your fingers at the cover.

Who think "Fuck u" is a college.

These are often the same ones who put on too much makeup and and who screech "Let me hear some noise," by the way.

I triply hate them.

But I love all my other gals. No, really.



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29 comments
EvaAmore
EvaAmore

Drag Queens who are mean. When you have fans who adore you and support you there is NO excuse. We have all done things but a queen is supposed to represent. Show some respect.

bri_ein
bri_ein

LoL the vault with Capone...haha....i agree with you...i hate "let's hear some noise"...be entertaining, then you will hear it., exactly!  

FredsterNYC
FredsterNYC

The ones who think that putting on a wig and heels gives them the right to behave like an all around fucking asshole.

neilan
neilan

Oops. Only ONE drag queen in Holly's film so that would, of course, be "Broken Goddess." 

 

By the way, in her chat after the screening, she confirmed the tale about a friend supplying the $15,000 to $20,000 Balenciaga" gown for the shoot -- that she promptly tore into ribbons -- literally.  The friend was horrified and subsequently FLIPPED OUT. Holly just shrugged and said, "It was BROKEN goddess, honey.  And it worked."  Mwuah hah ha ha ha ha...

neilan
neilan

You should round up all of those who exhibit the above traits and force them to watch two films I saw here in LA at the Hammer Museum on Wednesday night.  Event featured appearances by Holly Woodlawn for her "Broken Goddesses" AND NYC's own Flawless Sabrina and the ASTONISHING feature-length documentary "The Queen" which, incredibly, I'd NEVER seen!  (I stripped ten badges off my Gay Merit Badge Sash for THST inexplicable failing on my part!)  

 

I hadn't seen Holly in 15 years or so (!) and she was QUITE festive when we caught up beforehand and even MORE so during the screenings (she and Sabrina giggled and chatted throughout -- most amusing) and during a conversation with gender-bashing filmmaker Zackary Drucker who also screened a new short film she made with Sabrina. She also has ANOTHER film at the museum in the MADE IN LA exhibit that she is in with both Holly and Sabrina AND Vaginal Davis.

RobbieCallen
RobbieCallen

@willambelli I figured number one would just say phi phi ohara...

Gregoiresque
Gregoiresque

@mikeymusto So I may have finally learned NOT to try swallowing anything while reading your column. It just ends up squirting out of my nose

ChiffonDior
ChiffonDior

@GlamGender I felt the exact same way when I read that!

12Cinderela
12Cinderela

@willambelli Omg you looked great last night #Loved those shoes! Sorry I was drunk when we took our pics oops! Plus you showed you snatch!!

FRNCPV
FRNCPV

@GlamGender I think Mr. Musto really did not know what to write so throw some crap on paper..... He used to be so funny.... Lately he is sad

cuecards666
cuecards666

@mikeymusto chex @LICKIMINADZ funny minaj spoof:-):-):-)

NYPD_WATCHING_U
NYPD_WATCHING_U

@mikeymusto scanning column for vital information- alarmed but slightly aroused by content- rebooting system rebooting system

mikeymusto
mikeymusto

@willambelli Yes, #2 drives me crazy!!

bluebay700
bluebay700

@willambelli let me hear some noise!

TheStateofTroll
TheStateofTroll

@willambelli @mikeymusto Amen... my favs are always those with great personalities, like you @willambelli & @ThePandoraBoxx & @LatriceRoyale

ThatAshley
ThatAshley

I think "let me hear some noise" is a nervous tic ... so many use that line

 

devore
devore

And I think I know at least four of the five.

devore
devore

SO funny and true!!

GlamGender
GlamGender

Maybe it is just a mere reflection of himself that he is writing about?People should think b4 they stink! @ChiffonDior

GlamGender
GlamGender

I don't want to hate on her but it is just annoying! @FRNCPV

ChiffonDior
ChiffonDior

@GlamGender like Mr. Brady once said, "When you point a finger, you have three more pointing back at yourself."

FRNCPV
FRNCPV

@GlamGender maybe with age everyone becomes bitter a la #ElthonJohn :-)

FRNCPV
FRNCPV

@GlamGender agreed...

GlamGender
GlamGender

Not all! Some us are still fiercing it out! :) @FRNCPV

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