The Five Worst Types Of Behavior On A First Date

Categories: Advice

These are things you should do if you want to make absolutely sure there isn't a second date:

*Talk only about yourself the whole time.

Basically, do a Broadway-style monologue in which you tell your entire life story, filled with self-congratulations and bragging, all intended to crowd out any other topic than your glorious, immaculate self.

After two minutes, they'll be convinced you belong on the road.

*Conversely, only act interested in them.

Don't offer any insight into yourself at all. Just sit there, all googly-eyed, and keep hammering them with hyper-interested questions about their life, their job, and their hobbies, convinced that they couldn't help but fall in love with someone who finds them so endlessly fascinating.

More likely, they'll think you're psycho.

*Go to the bar and order one drink--for yourself.

Or stop somewhere to get yourself a gelato. Or a soda. Or a piece of pizza. Without even asking if they want one too!

I've said this before, but showing your incredible selfishness and/or cheapness this early in the game automatically forfeits the whole thing for you.

*Text the whole time.

This would effectively destroy any social situation, but in the case of a date, it's positively apocalyptic.

It's the height of rudeness to sit there staring at your phone and clanking out messages while your date is trying to woo you with banter and revelations. Besides, they'll surely get paranoid, thinking you're texting nasty messages about them--and you probably are!

*Act desperate.

Keep saying how you pray they'll contact you again. Give your contact info over and over--on napkins, on your forehead, in skywriting. Beg them for a second date on all fours while making a sad, pleading face right out of an Alyssa Milano commercial.

This kind of behavior is sort of sweet!

And it will leave you lonelier than a leper in a convention of germ-obsessives!

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@mikeymusto r.e. pic: Is that you & a pal at the Chelsea Clearview going to retrieve your "Lucky Bag"? :)


you´re correct about that one. go to the bar and order a drink--for yourself. without even asking if they want one too.

i wasn´t even being greedy for top shelf (this time for the first time in my life.) but when he came back from the bar (and plus, the fact that he was late and i was on time. first time in my life) with a cola only for himself...i immediately thought: you can call me a cab--RIGHT NOW! 



ain´t sayin´ i´m a gold digger.



"call me a cab--RIGHT NOW!"

You forgot to mention that both of your hands are broken preventing you from calling a cab all by your little self.


At one particularly memorable first date, my beau spent an entire hour analyzing why his last boyfriend dumped him. We then went on to spend 6 1/2 years together, until I finally dumped him. Why it ever got to a second date, I'm still "exploring" in therapy. But that, as they say, is another story. 

bethesda topcommenter

 @Timmee And on his first date after you dumped him, he probably spent an hour talking about THAT.


 @bethesda HE DID! I know some of the guys he went on dates with apres moi and they reported back.


I've done at least three of those things. No wonder I'm alone!


But I can't help skywriting my contact info. Sorry!