The Five Worst Types Of Behavior On A First Date
These are things you should do if you want to make absolutely sure there isn't a second date:
*Talk only about yourself the whole time.
Basically, do a Broadway-style monologue in which you tell your entire life story, filled with self-congratulations and bragging, all intended to crowd out any other topic than your glorious, immaculate self.
After two minutes, they'll be convinced you belong on the road.
*Conversely, only act interested in them.
Don't offer any insight into yourself at all. Just sit there, all googly-eyed, and keep hammering them with hyper-interested questions about their life, their job, and their hobbies, convinced that they couldn't help but fall in love with someone who finds them so endlessly fascinating.
More likely, they'll think you're psycho.
*Go to the bar and order one drink--for yourself.
Or stop somewhere to get yourself a gelato. Or a soda. Or a piece of pizza. Without even asking if they want one too!
I've said this before, but showing your incredible selfishness and/or cheapness this early in the game automatically forfeits the whole thing for you.
*Text the whole time.
This would effectively destroy any social situation, but in the case of a date, it's positively apocalyptic.
It's the height of rudeness to sit there staring at your phone and clanking out messages while your date is trying to woo you with banter and revelations. Besides, they'll surely get paranoid, thinking you're texting nasty messages about them--and you probably are!
Keep saying how you pray they'll contact you again. Give your contact info over and over--on napkins, on your forehead, in skywriting. Beg them for a second date on all fours while making a sad, pleading face right out of an Alyssa Milano commercial.
This kind of behavior is sort of sweet!
And it will leave you lonelier than a leper in a convention of germ-obsessives!