The Five Worst Types Of Behavior At A Sexual Hookup
Let's start at the very beginning, even before all the huffing and puffing takes place:
*Make your profile reasonably truthful.
Don't present yourself as basically James Franco when you're really James Holmes.
The truth will come out eventually--even if the lights are low.
Remember, they can feel your face.
*Don't just walk in, say "Blech," and run out.
Even in this unspeakably crass situation, some semblance of manners are in order.
Try something like, "Sorry, you're not what I expected" or "I apologize, but you're not really my type."
Then mutter to yourself, "My type is someone attractive."
*Don't come up with surprise fetishes that hadn't been mentioned before.
When you walk in with a camel, a harness, and some milking buckets, they're gonna feel a little betrayed.
Stick to the script!
*Don't just sit there stroking your business.
That's a come-on that basically says, "Pleasure me. That's what you've been summoned here for."
Search your imagination and think of something pro-active to do. Come on, you can do it!
Besides, your profile had said you were "versatile" and "up for just about anything," remember?
*Don't try to pull off the condom.
It's not very ladylike. It's downright dumb, in fact.
It bespeaks a certain lack of education and refinement.
Keep your reckless streak to yourself, honey!
Oh, and have fun!