The Five Worst Types Of Behavior At A Sexual Hookup

Categories: Advice

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Let's start at the very beginning, even before all the huffing and puffing takes place:


*Make your profile reasonably truthful.

Don't present yourself as basically James Franco when you're really James Holmes.

The truth will come out eventually--even if the lights are low.

Remember, they can feel your face.


*Don't just walk in, say "Blech," and run out.

Even in this unspeakably crass situation, some semblance of manners are in order.

Try something like, "Sorry, you're not what I expected" or "I apologize, but you're not really my type."

Then mutter to yourself, "My type is someone attractive."


*Don't come up with surprise fetishes that hadn't been mentioned before.

When you walk in with a camel, a harness, and some milking buckets, they're gonna feel a little betrayed.

Stick to the script!


*Don't just sit there stroking your business.

That's a come-on that basically says, "Pleasure me. That's what you've been summoned here for."

Search your imagination and think of something pro-active to do. Come on, you can do it!

Besides, your profile had said you were "versatile" and "up for just about anything," remember?


*Don't try to pull off the condom.

It's not very ladylike. It's downright dumb, in fact.

It bespeaks a certain lack of education and refinement.

Keep your reckless streak to yourself, honey!


Oh, and have fun!

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13 comments
rbryanh
rbryanh

Advice about compassionate, courteous social behavior from Michael Musto…  It's  downright madcap…, so "Rush Limbaugh's Guide to Washboard Abs!"

 

Please, Mr. Musto.  If I want advice on improving my character, I'll be sure to ask someone who shows signs of possessing one.

FredsterNYC
FredsterNYC

Don't make reference to a person's ethnicity or background no matter how much you're "into" it.

Wisebear
Wisebear

God , I love that movie " Trick"

KnotAHipster
KnotAHipster

@mikeymusto @villagevoice It is disgusting this kind of "advice" is endorsed anywhere.

mikeymusto
mikeymusto

@KnotAHipster @villagevoice And at least gays are open about hookups. The closeted hate mongers do them on the sly.

mikeymusto
mikeymusto

@KnotAHipster @villagevoice Disgusting to advise people to be polite and responsible during hookups? Please!

at.MartinNYID
at.MartinNYID

Thanks for the last one - some people think AIDS is no longer an issue.

PaulAbelkop
PaulAbelkop

@ScottNevins @mikeymusto "It's not very ladylike."

DJLoopsFruit
DJLoopsFruit

@mikeymusto "Remember, they can feel your face." Funniest post i have read today

bwaybill
bwaybill

Spot-on advice. But most sex hookups are wasted on crystal and aren't about to follow any rules.

blissbaby
blissbaby

Thank you for the second one! Some sex pigs are so rude!

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