The Five Worst Types Of Airline Passengers

Categories: Advice

airplane12.jpg
I ought to know. I've sat next to all of them.

And at times, I've been all of them.

Here are the worst:


(5) The type that wanted your aisle seat, but instead got a window, so they're going to glare at you the whole flight and make your life hell because you wouldn't engage in the absurdly noble gesture of switching with them. This happened to me once with a cracked-out hooker with long nails, and I averted her gaze the whole time, amazingly surviving to safety.


(4) The ones that won't turn off their electronic equipment, no matter how many times they're warned by a flight attendant. Either they know better than the authorities or they simply feel they're above the law (usually because they're celebrities, or think they are). Either way, they make me nervous because you wonder what else they're not going to do during the flight.


(3) The people who nervously chat at you throughout the whole trip, clutch onto you when there's turbulence, beg you to assure them you're not crashing, then dump you the second you land. I hate myself--I mean other people--for this kind of shamelessly usery behavior.


(2) The opposite type, who look at you with a "Don't talk to me" grimace. If you attempt to speak--even if just to ask them how to up the volume on the TV or to ask if you should help them hand their trash to the flight attendant--they act like you've criminally invaded their space and have thereby committed treason. But eventually they recognize you and want to talk. A lot. Forget about it!


(1) The constant bathroomgoers. An aisle seat is supposed to allow me relative comfort, but it often ends up turning into a calisthenic exercise from hell because Joe Schmo in the middle has to go to the loo every five minutes like clockwork. In fact, the second Joe sits back down, he's shuffling around and looking for any excuse to go back. It makes him happy. It makes me crazy. If I wanted to do pilates at 40,000 feet, I would have just shot myself. I wish I'd brought a box of anti-puddling diapers to hand out. Better yet, I wish I'd stayed on the ground. Next time!


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15 comments
FredsterNYC
FredsterNYC

I have to say the worst is people who aren't policing their kids. My last flight I had to sit behind 2 brats who thought it would be funny to scream, "we're gonna crash!" repeatedly upon taking off. Me being a nervous flier didn't find it cute or funny.

BetteD
BetteD

How could you forget mothers with screaming/crying babies?  I think every flight has a quota for at least one, there's been one (often more) on each flight I've ever been on.  A mother on one was holding a baby that looked so young that she probably had it on the way to the airport. 

michaelsingh11
michaelsingh11

Thanks for posting the photo of 'Airplane' Michael. That film is so good. Don't know much about airline ettique but don't make the mistake of calling a steward an asshole like I did (even if they are). Very quickly all other stews were giving me the evil eye. Even after change over. Bitches.

nostradavid
nostradavid

People who are too huge for only one seat, usually 300 lbs. or more. They can squeeze their butt into the seat, but everything else bulges into your space. When a flight is full on a friday afternoon you can't get away from them. I had the middle seat between two of these behemoths all the way from Seattle to Phoenix. As is flying isn't claustrophobic enough.

James
James

I don't fly much any more but I do detest those passengers that "hover" in the restroom and I have to clean it up before I go. On the same flight the woman behind me asked me how much I paid for my ticket so she could brag about how little she paid for hers.

Used2BMelinda9
Used2BMelinda9 like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

A guy sitting next to me told me his life story once - I don't think I said one word. Then when I was exiting the terminal he suddenly appeared alongside me and said, 'Well, it's been really nice talking to you, but I'm sorry I have another flight to catch.' like I was holding him up.

obeyvonlmo
obeyvonlmo

The worst are those who fly Jet Blue from West Palm Beach as the guy who copped a few beers & slid down the evacuation chute will tell you

SavannahMontgomery
SavannahMontgomery

"(2) The opposite type, who look at you with a "Don't talk to me" grimace."

 

We get along fine.

SavannahMontgomery
SavannahMontgomery

"(5) The type that wanted your aisle seat"

 

Flip side, I've been the window person, who after 2hrs has to go.   The aisle/middle seat person doesn't understand that just standing up will make the whole transaction easier..  Somehow moving his/her knees 2 cm just created LOTS of room.

SavannahMontgomery
SavannahMontgomery

(3) "The people who nervously chat at you throughout the whole trip"

 

adding (3A)...  The (usually) Mid-West "I'm just a people person" who think it's their duty to chat you up...woe be it to you to ask/respond to them with a moderately-friendly question/answer....the dam will burst!  

 

Silence only gets the semi-withering (in their mind) "Oh, you're from New York") response...and THEN they "tell" you why they don't like New York....(as if you asked).

 

RobertAllenFirth
RobertAllenFirth like.author.displayName like.author.displayName 2 Like

Parents who bring all 10 children on board with them, and then want other passengers to juggle their seats so the Big Family can all sit together.  (You will find this phenomena on any flight to or from Salt Lake City on Delta Airlines.)

bethesda
bethesda topcommenter

The talkers are the worst!! Just let me be.This isn't a social situation. I'm just trying to get somewhere.

ladybug9
ladybug9

I think I sat next to the same cracked out hooker.

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