The Most Annoying Expression Of All Time

It's the above expression, "Have a good one"!

Blech. I just vomited in my pants.

The phrase long ago replaced "Have a nice day" as the most uttered four words in christendom (except for "Pound me, harder, harder!"), but this one is way more coy.

I mean, saying "one" instead of "day" doesn't fool me for a second that it's "day" they really mean!

Just say "day"!

And I've always felt there's something self-defeating and, you know, reductive about breaking your life down into 24-hour units just because that's what the calendar says.

Shouldn't you aim for a whole life of good stuff?

Shouldn't people say, "Have a good life?"

And what good is someone wishing you a good anything?

It's superstitious and pointless and a futile usage of energy.

Tell me something more useful, like "Don't step on the third rail" or "If a squirrel lingers near you, they might be rabid."

Besides, this kind of joviality seems a little fake in tell-it-like-it-is New York.

Phrases like "Have a good one" should be relegated only to chain restaurants in suburbs (not chain restaurants in big cities.)

Believe me, I know that whoever says it means well, but they have no idea what constitutes a good one for me, so they should really can it.

Next time I'll answer:

"Gosh, I hope I do!

"Maybe I'll find some alcoholic has-been celebrity to interview and then a hot wax S&M party and then a ride home courtesy of a cab driver who only wants a hand job.

"Y'all have a good one too!"