Get Ready For The Most Depressing Batch Of Films In History

Categories: Film

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Something must be in the air--like dire desperation or maybe economic collapse--because the slew of quality films coming your way seems to be drawing a lot from horrifying disasters, both real and imagined, as they go to a very dark place in your wallet.

Yes, some of them are personal awakenings with glowing-through-the-wreckage-style endings, but still, the road to get there sounds rather bleak.

Here's what's coming, along with some of their official descriptions and some of my own:


The Life of Pei. A shipwreck leaves a boy alone with a CGI tiger.


Anna Karenina. Isn't that the one where the lady throws herself on the train tracks? At least that's better than in NYC, where you get thrown.


The Impossible (see photo). "An account of a family caught, with tens of thousands of strangers, in the mayhem of one of the worst natural catastrophes of our time."


Zero Dark Thirty. After 9/11, we search for the evil bin Laden for years and years.


Amour. A couple in their 80s are tested when "Anne has an attack."


Flight. A coked up pilot has to deal with a plummeting airplane and whether he should tell the truth about himself.


Lincoln. Lots of "carnage on the battlefield" as the President fights with cabinet members on the decision to free the slaves.


The Sessions. A 38-year-old paraplegic wants to have sex for the first time.


Rust and Bone. Marin Cotillard as a killer whale trainer who has a horrific occurrence. ("Where did you put my legs?")


Les Miserables. Well, it's not called Los Felices.


Django Unchained. Something about "a brutal Mississippi plantation owner"
Party!


Killing Them Softly. A professional enforcer investigates a heist. Brad Pitt wields a gun in the poster image.


Silver Linings Playbook. "After a stint in a mental institution...Pat meets a mysterious girl with problems of her own."


Therese Raquin. "The couple are visited by Camille's ghost, slowly turning their love for one another into an all-consuming hatred."

Killed yourself yet?

Need help to get on the train tracks?



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11 comments
ocwarner
ocwarner

With you on all of them except "The Sessions." That one could be good and funny. Kind of  "My Left Testicle."

LiveIt
LiveIt

Don't you think it makes perfect sense considering the desperate plight of the planet? The evening news is enough to indicate the dire straights the world is in. If something is not done fast its all over. Its enough to look around and see the murder, rape war... but what about internally at just how corrupt we all are? Where is all the unconditional love, innocence and goodness in humanity? When did it all go so south? We need help fast. 

mae.swazey
mae.swazey

It's called Oscar Season.  The gloomier the film, the more chances for Oscar.  So we get this plethora of bummers.  Thanks a lot, Hollywood.

nostradavid
nostradavid

Django Unchained should be awesome. There's nothing like a spaghetti western by Tarantino to prepare you to go home for the holidays. 

bwaybill
bwaybill

A laundry ballet, Dave? Sounds good-bad!

MistressAubrey
MistressAubrey

@mikeymusto I like the one about disabled dude wanting to experience sex. Good for him! Hope he gets a pro with heart to turn it out right.

SouthernDave
SouthernDave

Maybe it's the chilling, long-simmering dread of a possible Romney win and the "End of Days."

 

And Michael, let us not forget that "Therese Raquin" gave birth to one of the worst musicals of all time, Harry Connick Jr.'s "Thou Shalt Not," with its clothesline ballet, revolving bed and the cry of a theatergoer at intermission, "There's some kids on the street doing a better show than the one inside!"

 

Which you reported.

monsieurpatric
monsieurpatric

Pollyanna was traumatizing.  Enriched therapists for decades.

bwaybill
bwaybill

Holy shit. Staying home this whole season. Or just going to Broadway and seeing "Annie."

musto
musto moderator

 @SouthernDave Thanks for reminding me of that, Dave. At least this movie version isn't a musical.

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