You Say Frankenstorm, I Say Tuna Fish!

Categories: Advice

Everyone's geshrying over the storm that's supposedly going to force me to quickly learn how to swim.

But I have an answer:

Tuna fish!

No, I don't mean that while we're underwater, we should grab at the fishies and suck them down.

I mean we should buy a lot of them now--dead, in cans--so in case there's a power blackout and/or we're homebound, you'll have stuff to eat that's unperishable and doesn't need to be cooked.

Hopefully you'll have the strength to open the cans in the midst of all the trauma of stumbling around in the dark.

Just to be safe, maybe it's best to open the cans now and just leave the suff out on the counter.

Tuna fish is meant to be eaten at room temperature, which is why I recommended it in the first place.

So kindly open cans upon cans of tuna fish, lay them out, and simply wait for the storm.

Oh, and put a clothespin on your nose for three days to plug up the rancid smell.

Oh, and if there's no blackout and you're not homebound, just throw out the open cans of fish and go on with your life.

No need to eat the stuff just because you bought it and opened it.

Ick. No thanks.

And make sure you have lots of Air Wick Solids stocked up to clear away the lingering stench.

Got it?

Who gives better crisis advice than me, huh?

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Lots of foods work just fine at room temperature. Our ancestors were pretty good at figuring out how to make foods that keep in the days before refrigerators.


Cheese, especially aged. I keep my cheddar out on the counter anyway.


Cooked sausage. Pepperoni, cotto salami.


Olives, any kind of pickles.


Think Swedish smorgasbord or an antipasto platter.


I agree - Bush's makes the best canned beans. I managed to get a battery operated lantern on Fri - they were wiped out in Home Depot, but Target still had. I have a gas range, so I'm set there - also have a gas flash water heater, but it might need electricity to start up - I'm not clear on that. Remembered this time to grind coffee.

I just don't want a storm - waaa!


I always thought you weren't into fish.


I fervently hope y'all don't have power outages up Nawth.


But Savannah and Mikey have the right idea:


Tuna fish, canned salmon, Progresso soups, the GOOD baked beans -- the ones that golden retriever hawks on TV (Bush?) , any canned food or fruit you like with a pull-off lid, oranges, bananas, apples, cookies, chocolates (plenty in stores now), bottled water, candles, flashlights and batteries.


One Southern tradition is to buy a new, large  plastic garbage can, wash it thoroughly and fill it with water -- this would be for everything, if the water is contaminated or your pipes freeze. 


I refuse to believe that Yankees don't have hand-operated can-openers.


Southerners like those little cans of  Vienna sausages , but Gawd, do they give ya heartburn and gas.


Listen to Savannah: Anything in your freezer that can be cooked now, do so. And speakin' a gas, hope y'all have gas stoves.


But you must already know how to swim.  You graduated from Columbia, no?


Don't forget about the manual can openers - if you don't have one, run out now and get one.


I'm using it as an opportunity to clean out my freezer.  Gonna cook up a "storm" and hunker down with Netflix.