A Complete History Of Gerbiling So Far

Categories: Scandal

Why am I not surprised that when a writer was recently pursuing a piece on the history of gerbil-shoving, they turned to yours truly for quotes and insight?

And I was thrilled, especially since the resulting article refers to my "landmark gossip column"!

Jane Hu did the piece for the Awl, investigating the genesis of the Richard Gere rumor while getting to the bottom--as it were--of the truths and myths surrounding the rodent-rectum divide and whether people really like to break it down with such gleeful abandon.

Read it, learn it, and then promptly wipe it from your consciousness or you might start slipping in conversation and saying stuff like, "Have you ever seen An Officer and a Gerbilman?"

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I think it's time for the Mythbusters to tackle this one.

I can see the conversation between Adam and Jamie after their first attempt to put a live gerbil up Jamie's butt has devolved into a bloody, feces-covered mess and calls to the ASPCA: 

Jamie: This myth is definitely busted. As is my anus.

Adam: But what would it take to really get a gerbil into your butt? I have 3 plans: one, we freeze humanely-slaughtered Gerbils and use this 300 PSI air cannon to launch them. We'll use Buster and a Fleshlight at varying distances for testing; we'll have to work on the aim. Next, we'll make a robotic gerbil with no claws. And finally, a gerbil cage speculum to allow easier entry. Let's start working on the models before we go full scale. I've got three Ken dolls...

SavannahMontgomery like.author.displayName 1 Like

I have nothing to add to the "gerbil myth"...BUT I was an operator at the answering service(early '80's) where Gere was a client...we had a cross-filing reference for him...Richard "Gear" file "Gere".  At the time he was not a star ... a "nobody/actor" as far as we were concerned.  His "fame" to us was being cited for pissing in public on 33rd St!  The answering service was only a block away.


"But...I have a friend who has a sister-in-law whose cousin was a nurse in the emergency room that night..."


That's exactly how I first heard every single iteration of this urban legend - Gere, Penacoli, you name it.

bethesda topcommenter

The problem is, some people don't even seem to realize there IS a rodent-rectum divide.


The rodent-rectum divide? Just spit out my coffee.