Get Ready For Some Really Loooong Movies

Categories: Film

Got three hours to kill?

Still have no power and feel anxious to spend long stretches of time anywhere where there's heat and light?

Then you're gonna love this season's batch of Oscar-bait flicks.

They're long.

They're made by auteurs who treasure every moment of their own genius and can't wait to share it sans interruption.

And you're gonna love them, goddammit, no matter how old you are by the closing credits.

Here are the longest of the bunch:

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

The characters are rather short, but the movie isn't. It weighs in at 166 bagginsy minutes.

Zero Dark Thirty

You don't catch bin Laden in an hour, you know. It takes 157 minutes, apparently. And Zero Dark Forty will be even longer.

Les Miserables

Mud and sweat and singing in closeup for les 155 minutes. Les lengthy, for sure.

Django Unchained

If you saw Lincoln, you already know it takes a while to unchain a slave. In this case, it's 141 minutes filled with inglourious b-words.

This Is 40

Even comedies are long now! 134 minutes!

Oh, well. At least I kept this blog on the short side.

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There's an old story about a studio boss during the Jack Warner, Louis B. Mayer days who was asked, "How long should a movie be?"  He responded, "How long is it good?"


Cloud Atlas was way too long at 172 minutes.Don't drink anything for a few hours before the show.


2 hrs 30 minutes should be the maximum according to law.


Fortunately for my butt, I won't be sitting though any of these movies - Django Unchained possibly, but the This Is 40 trailer they're showing now seems curiously unfunny and no way I'm ever seeing another Peter Jackson epic.


But Hobbit fans will be sitting through the thing twice....if it were shorter, they'd howl.

And I couldn't sit through Les Mis on Bway either. ("if they get on that turntable one more time...")