Why I Hate Christmas With A Passion

By Michael Musto Thu., Dec. 6 2012 at 10:20 AM

'Tis the season to be cranky, so let me spit out my eggnog and tell you what I hate about this enforced annual nightmare:

*The fact that it starts earlier and earlier each year. This year, the hype started in October! Next year it'll probably be July.

*The relentless barrage of fake good cheer and forced joviality. It doesn't sit well in New York City, where I thought people were supposed to be real, weren't they?

*The horror of Christmas song after Christmas song coming at you, one cornier and more banal than the other. Am I supposed to be cheered by the annual shlockfest of hits by people who don't even celebrate Christmas? And by Karen Carpenter?

*The pressure to buy gifts for people you only see once a year--namely the time you get together to exchange gifts.

*The equal pressure to receive them, which comes with the impossible need for you to find ways to look excited and grateful over mugs, candles, and perfume samples. That much acting training I haven't had!

*The horror that comes when you regift something--to the person who gave it to you last year.

*The conflicting iconography that tears us between two fantasy icons--a religious one (Jesus) and a commercial one (Santa), both with potentially draining agendas. It could make you schizo.

*The way everything stops dead and clears out--except for incoming hordes of tourists--but you're supposed to stay put and act like the city's aglow with excitement.

But otherwise, I simply adore the holiday season!

Bring it on!

Ho ho ho!

Shoot me!

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debbiedallas

Let me count the ways.

1. It brings out the worst in families. There was the Christmas when my father told me he hated me and never wanted me. I was still a little kid.

2. The pressure to buy the perfect gift, and spend money you don't have.

3. Seeing family members you don't like at all.

4. Lying to the kids about Santa. How can we expect them to trust anything we tell them after they figure this one out?

5. The crowds in mid-town with all the tourists on the sidewalks. They have no idea of sidewalk etiquette. Don't stop in the middle of the damned sidewalk with your eight little rug rats to make a phone call to Aunt Betty Lou telling her that she won't believe that you are in New York City, hoo-wee. Or standing there with their mouths wide open looking up at the buildings. )Where are the pigeons then?)

6. The idiotic products marketed just for Christmas. eg Chia Pets, or those damned blanket things with sleeves.

7. Those annoying bell ringers. I will gladly donate to the Salvation Army, just stop ringing that bell already.

8. Plastic trees, killing a real tree, or having to plant a balled tree in order to avoid the guilt of killing a tree.

9. Knowing that New Year's Eve is next, and now I have to avoid Times Square at all costs.

What I love about Christmas.

If I can just sleep through it, it won't come back for 364 days.

anonTWO

I don't hate Xmas, I just ignore the season as much as possible. I will be working but won't feel left out at all.

I used to feel so left out of things when I had no plans during the holidays.

As an older person, I need the holidays to regroup. Dont want to be with friends and family.

Dont want to do anything and I certainly dont want to listen to no xmas carols!

bwaybill

Agree re Karen Carpenter. She died from starvation yet she's celebrating the holiday of bounty and we're supposed to go along with it. Weird.

williamHK topcommenter

Used to hate "Merry Christmas, Darling" until realizing how much I like the melody, harmonies, production, arrangement, campy lyrics ("logs on the fire fill me with desire"), and Miss Karen's vocal. .