My Choice For New Pope!

Categories: Advice

With Benedict taking off his gown and vacating, we need a new Pope pronto, and I just happen to have one:

Carmelita Pope.

"Who?" you heathens ask.

She's the lady who became famous for Pam cooking spray commercials, gushing about how one squirt of Pam meant that eggs, oils, and all sorts of other icky things won't stick.

With Carmelita in the Vatican, the Church's dirty politics, hate mongering, and constant use of oppressive tools won't stick!

Even the messes various priests make on those poor altar boys won't stick!

So let's vote for Pope Carmelita Pope.

Oh, she's not interested?

OK, I'll stick with Ellen then.

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Any male Catholic can be appointed.  In "Absolute Monarchs", the great papal history from last year, there were examples of monks and private citizens being annointed.  One has run away in the night before.  I am eligible, way technically, for I was christened in Notre Dame Cathedral with a long living line of Catholiques observing what they did to me.  I am even the product of a Jesuit law school.  Is Peter Dinkage Catholic?  He'd accept and accede to the Petrine throne with great grace, tongue firmly in cheek, as I have withdrawn my candidacy as of this writing..


I'd love to see Scalia get the job...


There's an excellent reporter on the not-so-excellent-anymore New Orleans Times-Picayune (which publishes only three times a week now), named John Pope.

He's also the best obituary writer this side of The New York Times.,

He can write the obit for the  Church!