Why I Will Never Go On A Cruise Ship!
Even when things go right, it's a floating nightmare.
Screechy, annoying people. Second-rate entertainment. Too much food and nothing do but eat it, so you end up gaining 40 pounds. A profound feeling of seasickness that makes any fun you might have had evaporate into nausea and depression.
But the ironically Carnival Triumph has made a functioning cruise seem like a trip to Bountiful by comparison.
Take all the above features.
[Screechy, annoying people. Second-rate entertainment. Too much food and nothing do but eat it, so you end up gaining 40 pounds. A profound feeling of seasickness that makes any fun you might have had evaporate into nausea and depression.]
But put them all in a dark, drifting, smelly cesspool full of toilet water (No, not eau de toilette--I'm talking crap juice), and no activities whatsoever except to sit, eat, relieve yourself into a red bag, hand the red bags to staffers, and keep on waiting.
And when the thing finally docks, you're in Mobile, Alabama!
Keep me on ground, please. Northern ground.
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