When Your Ex Suddenly Messages You On Facebook...

Categories: Advice

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It happened to me twice in the last couple of years.

Two people I bitterly broke up with reached out on Facebook, filling me with a large mixed salad of weird feelings.

My immediate response was being surprised and actually flattered that, after such vitriol was thrown my way, they clearly still kinda like me and want to reestablish some kind of relationship, even if just as friends.

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When A Marriage Breaks Up, What Happens To The Wedding Gifts?

Categories: Advice

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Last night at an Out Professionals event at the LGBT Center, I was on a panel of experts being tossed etiquette questions by Philip Galanes, who's the Times' answer to Dear Abby and who has a book out called Social Q's, about what to do in awkward situations.

And one of the premises we were asked to chew on had to do with a couple that had gotten married, but broke up only 10 weeks later. Their relationship in tatters, they desperately started wondering about the important thing: You know, what do you do about all those gifts?

I instantly screamed out, "Nobody wants their juicer back!"


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With Partygoing, Timing Is Everything

Categories: Advice

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After years of covering parties--and/or just going to them for fun--I know full well how important timing is. By that I mean one's timing as to when to arrive at an event and also, just as crucially, when to leave.

Nothing is more tedious than a long, drawn out cocktail "hour" where you stand around making small talk while waiting to sit down and make more small talk. (But at least when you sit down, you get fed.)

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Two Things I've Noticed About People Who Scream Homophobic Things From Cars

Categories: Advice

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It doesn't happen very often these days--maybe once a year--but I've noticed that when someone does let an epithet rip out of their car window, there are generally two fascinating things about them:


(1) The license plate isn't from New York City.


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My Thoughts On Chris Christie's Weight Loss Surgery

Categories: Advice

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New Jersey Governor Chris Christie recently had a band placed around his stomach to reduce its size so he wouldn't eat so much, which certainly can work, though it seems like a rather extreme way to lose weight.

How about just eating less and exercising?

The craze for altering the size of one's stomach makes me wonder about other misguided approaches to solving health problems that quacks can come up with to lure patients' business:

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Let Me Get One Thing Straight About The Gays

Categories: Advice

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There's controversy about there being a gay guy in major league sports? But there have always been gays in major league sports.

There's hoopla about whether gays can be in the military or the Boy Scouts? But gays have always been in the military and the Boy Scouts.

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Here's What Meryl Streep's Next Oscar Campaign Needs To Be

Categories: Advice

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Her last campaign--something on the order of "She's the greatest actress we have, but she hasn't won in 29 years"--worked wonders on voters' guilt, and Meryl went home with the golden man for The Iron Lady.

Well, the very same idea needs to be trotted out again, but on a slightly smaller scale.

She certainly has another Oscar-bait type movie in the works, namely August: Osage County, based on the Pulitzer winning play about the messed up family ruled by a pill-popping witch of a mother.

And when it comes out, the movie company needs to take out huge, manipulative banner ads saying:

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Why Everyone Hates Old People

Categories: Advice

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That's easy, especially now that I'm feeling the brunt of some of the hatred.

*They don't look very good. Their skin sags, their hair disappears, their tummy swells, and lines and creases appear all over the place. Even on the occasions where they look reasonably OK, it's usually a matter of, "Wow, you look so good, considering how old you are!" Sad, sad, sad.

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Saying "I Like Your Work" Isn't Good Enough Anymore

Categories: Advice

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As cliched as the saying is, I always enjoyed hearing people come up to me and exclaim "I like your work" or "I'm a fan."

It fills you with a momentary glow of meaning, a validating sense that your toilings have actually paid off in that someone's noticed them and not found them totally repulsive. They really, really like you!

But that's not good enough for me anymore. The stakes are higher these days.

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The Five Most Stressed Out U.S. States

Categories: Advice

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Surely this is an honor New York State deserves, to make up for the fact that Miss New York never seems to win enough national pageants.

But nooo!

The five most stressed out states, according to a new survey, happen to be: West Virginia, Rhode Island, Kentucky, Utah, and Massachusetts.

How can this be? New Yorkers must have been too stressed out to take the survey. What on earth could someone in Kentucky have to be stressed out about? No, wait, I take that back. Yeah, New York is fine.

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