Porn tycoon Michael Lucas lives for water sports, I mean controversy. He's the one who, a day after rocker Dean Johnson was found dead, had his p.r. people tastefully send a photo of HIMSELF found dead to try to stir up some horrified attention. (It did—especially when people found out he WASN'T dead, it was just a still from a film.) Now Lucas's people—sounding strangely like Lucas himself—have sent out a publicity-craving letter lashing out at the gay site queerty.com for not showing him enough love. To give him the notice he so desires, I'll run some of the fuming highlights:

To the "editor," Andrew Belonsky: First, you are saying that Michael Lucas is irrelevant, yet your search engine will show that, you, sir, made over 80 postings about Michael Lucas in just 2 years!!!... You, sir, are a hypocrite...And let's not even start talking about your writing; it's poor at best. Michael came to this country with nothing and built the biggest adult company on the east coast...Now, what did you achieve? To be the editor of a tacky online blog?... You should be truly embarrassed of yourself, your blog, and your "career." In comparison to Michael, you are nothing but a loser. Let's not mention the anti-Semites that you've attracted to this site. You are a magnet for the worst.
—Lucas Entertainment Staff

Blogger's note: I adore Andrew Belonsky, who recently invited me over for a large gay turkey. I simply will not stand by and watch him be disrespected by a lowdown. . . but wait! Michael Lucas just sent over an Alexander McQueen tie! Love ya, hottie!