Thanks to a certain local comedy group, my garbage pail has been strewn with mints, ties, gum, temporary tattoos, and liquid soap—all gifts they have sent me in little care packages every single working day since December in hopes that I’ll break down and write about them! That’s 11 weeks of crap! Of course if they'd been sending fur coats, designer handbags, and diamond tiaras. . .I STILL wouldn’t write about them. But I did recently blog that if the group gave $100 to a known AIDS charity, I’d put in a mention of them since I’m that kind of humanitarian. And now, obediently enough, the troupe has served me proof that they just sent double that amount to GMHC, being that greedy for press. So now they finally get the mention they so crave—and hopefully I stop getting the crap. The group is called FUCT, it consists of former Fordham students, and they’re performing at Studio@ the Cherry Lane. Did they just buy a mention? Yes, but next time it’ll cost them $100,000 for world hunger.

PS: The group now says it will mention my blog item before each show in order to drum up audience donations for GMHC. Nice! Alas, it turns out these supposedly rabid fans of mine waited so long to contact me about making their donation because they had been searching for “FUCT” in my work all this time instead of actually reading it. Make that $200,000.