Anne Heche.

No, but seriously, I did know one woman who really loved people regardless of their gender. She was a true bisexual. But otherwise, it's generally been closeted gay men who claim to be bi. They somehow think it makes them more popular.

It's far more popular in the animal kingdom than in the human species. I've seen a lot of bisexual penguins at the zoo.

I'm a hermaphrodite and meeting a real bisexual was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Yah, me. I date men and women, although I have a slight preference for women. But when the person feels right, I just go for it.

For the record, all that bullshit that everyone is bisexual and that gender doesn't matter, I don't believe that. I'm attracted to both pretty much 50-50, fine, that's me. But not everyone is like that and bisexuals who say everyone should be are full of horse dung.

Yeah, Jade Goody's mum paid a price for being a bi-sex-sue-ul....she's now a one-arm lesbian.

jagger, bowie, bolan....james brown?

Despite of the bitter comments by gay men, there are guys who are truly bisexual. The Voice's Tristan Taormino also addressed the issue in a column during 2008.

I just enjoyed one last week: A hot masculine divorced hockey dad who likes a little mansex during off times with his gf. He can suck dick as well as he can lick pussy, and (extra points) he kisses like a Cassanova. I'll take his type anyday over a tattooed, pierced, goateed, or primped gay-ghetto denizen.

Someone who likes a little mansex on the side is not a true bisexual, just someone who's open minded and very horny.

This just came in from a reader:

"This is coming from a gay man. Your bi-phobic article to suggest that bisexuals are closeted, and a phenomenon is not only offensive but makes me ask you this.

Are you really gay or are you just a in the closet bisexual? Yes, my question is ridiculous, as was your commentary.

PERSONAL INFO:
queerunity"

I have met one - every time I look in the mirror. Who I date or fuck has nothing to do with gender and everything to do with attraction and personality. I've had relationships with both men and women. I have no preference of one over the other. I'm currently lucky enough to be dating both a man and a woman that I love dearly.

Um...I ask this honestly and without judgment...but do you even understand what sexuality is? It's not about being 100% gay, 100% straight, or equally attracted to both and it certainly has nothing to do with what scene you're "most comfortable" in or how stereotypical you can act.

There was even a study that kinda sorta looked into this and documented human sexuality. It's kind of big in the gay scene, kinda important, especially as you're repeating the same lies about lifestyle that our anti-gay opponents do and seem to have the same understanding of "orientation" that they do.

And on the record. Orientation isn't fluid. Understanding what you are can be and if you think being 100% gay means being in the scene and not being equally comfortable in straight bars, then color me suspicious that you are even a Kinsey 6 to begin with.

Figure yourself out and then come back and beef. Don't worry, we're very open-minded in the gay community.

It is always super fun to see people who question my existence. I'm not some unicorn or fairy tale. And it feels so very similar to people who say that they don't believe there is such a thing as being gay. Except I get to hear this "omg, bisexuals are liars/closeted gays/confused straights/etc" from "both sides" - gay nor straight believe me. The questioning of my sexuality? Now THAT is what is bullshit.

Sounds to me like you're stuck in gay culture, and only speaking to gay men.

No wonder you don't meet bisexuals. You've insulated yourself.

Putting the questionable content of your article aside, here's another question:

Do you really consider what you wrote to be a legitimate column? How much effort do you really put into these things? Hopefully your body of work differs significantly from what you have here.

Two paragraphs? No argumentative construction? Are you serious?

http://www.villagevoice.com/2005-10-25/columns/wanted-bi-guy/

Of course you don't meet "real" bi guys. When you meet someone who's real, you immediately discount them as "gay in the closet". I know 3 bi guys who are monogamous, all partnered with men, but when we talk they talk about sexy women they like too.

I also know 7 bi guys who are not seriously dating anyone and are playing the field with women and men (and everyone knows about everything, and it's all OK). All but one of them has confessed to me that they feel odd talking about sexy women to other gay men unless they know they're bi-friendly.

So yeah, pieces like this are EXACTLY why my bi friends "appear" gay to you. sod off and use your brain.

Not only is this offensive and inane, it's incredibly lazy writing. Protip: two paragraphs of tired stereotypes do not witty commentary make.

This thread is so damn exciting that I'm going to go out and pick up a bisexual men right now.

Tim, you can pick me up :)

...and so can Jenna!...

I think there are very few true "bi-sexuals" in that the person has an equal liking for both sexes; most "bi-sexual have a stronger preference for on gender than the other even if they have sex with both genders.

Um, my boyfriend is bisexual (as am I). Considering his ardent zeal for vaginas I'd be pretty darn surprised if he ever came out as gay.

You guys are nuts. Again, another gay or lesbian biphobia person out there, spilling there hate for the B in BGLT communities. I have met many gay men and women who are bisexual. I am 50 percent attracted to both sexes, though this is not common and some bisexuals like one sex more the other, it's true that bisexuals live and breathe among you. You have been flagged for a person who is showcasing your hatred among a group of people that know we are real and exist. GLAAD and other groups for equity will be contacting you, and if they don't -- we will fight them too to live in your Gay and Lesbian, and straight hatred world.

Welcome to the Bisexualist movement!

Bi Social News
Adrienne,

I wonder how many bisexuals - when the time comes that they decide they want to marry, or perhaps grow tired of being hassled by their less tolerant friends and family - suddenly find their "soul mate" of the opposite sex...?

You would probably be the last person that someone would talk to about their bisexual feelings, Michael. You know who they would tell? Usually a bisexual person. Someone who isn't going to ridicule them to their face, or in their Village Voice column. If I had a dollar for every gay or lesbian-identified person who told me confidentially that they have a "bisexual side" or that they are attracted to both men and women...

Four people who have done that publicly are Rosie O'Donnell (on the View and in her memoir), Rupert Everett (in his memoir), Bruce Vilanch (at the LGBT Center in NYC while being interviewed by Frank DeCaro)and Tyrone Power.

Famous men who are out as bisexual or were outed posthumously in biographies? Alan Cumming, Michael Stipe, Gore Vidal, James Dean, Cary Grant, Anthony Perkins, Montgomery Clift, Danny Kaye, Laurence Olivier, James Rado, Jerry Ragni, Tommy Tune, Farley Granger, President Abraham Lincoln, Peter Allen, Greg Araki, Curt Cobain, Jack Kerouac, Stephen Daltry, Dave Davies, Joel Schumacher, NY State Senator Micah Kellner etc etc.

Many people who attend bi discussion groups, identified as gay first, but after a few years, realized they still have feelings for people of more than one gender.

Bisexual people dont all have exactly 50-50 attractions. Some of us lean more towards one gender than another, while maintaining the capacity to fall in love with and/or be attracted to people of other genders.

When I interviewed you last year, for a profile on AfterElton, I specifically came out to you as bisexual, so I know that you know we exist, Michael!

This column is ignorant and offensive. I'm a bisexual woman and I am so sick of people insinuating that I'm confused, in denial, going through a stage/phase or covering up my real feelings. I like men and women. I have sex with men and women. I have always, since I can remember developing sexual feelings, been attracted to men and women. While I don't doubt that there are some people who claim bisexuality to avoid admitting they are homosexual, bisexuality is real. I don't think that everyone should be bisexual and I understand that it is a hard concept for some people to grasp, but try to understand- bisexual is not just a stop on the way to homoville, it's not a phenomenon, and it's certainly not only for "antsy gays".

This forum has proven very helpful to me... could that have been Musto's plan? To provoke such impassioned telling of life experiences? I am gay and not interested in women sexually. I feel secure and content with that identity. To be ambiguously both ways may open avenues for some, but perhaps at the expense of their unaware partners. To concur with Musto's viewpoint, I do know of too many married men who condone their gay whoring on the side as just expressing their bi tendencies. More than being dishonest and cheating on their wives, this Craigslister Crew cavorts about without honestly facing their true identity.

So Alaimo, just because some freaks who can't deal with who they are, end up going behind their spouse's back to fulfill their "hidden" desires, all bisexuals should fit that mold? Shallow and stupid. Just like faux-lesbians, clost-cases pretending to be bi are a shame of our society.

Good for all of us out and proud bisexuals, I think we definitely deserve some props for standing our ground even though we are marginalized by the LGBT community so often. Every boy and girl I go out with is aware of who I am right of the bat and so far, I've been lucky, none have minded. Most actually find it sexy. That's where we're headed, to bad not everyone's there yet.

The only thing that's full of shit is your article.

My my my. To quote the late great Fritz Klein, "It's presumptuous to tell a person that they don't exist." As for your quote "usually I find these are just gay men who are afraid to come out." Excuse me, honey but thati's a blanket statement. I'm out. Wayyy out. But I'm monogamous. I've had girlfriends, I've had boyfriends. Having not been lucky enough to meet a hermaphrodite I married a heterosexual female and we get along quite well together and hav an 8 year old daughter who at one time knew more gay people than str8 because of my MCC affiliation. Now that equal marriage is legal here in Canada I could have married a man, but not back at that time. Remember too that a sexual orientation is based on attraction, not action. Even virgins can have one. But when I married a woman I didn't leave my sexual orientation at the door. No no no. I'm a bi male married to a het female. And my wife knows that my biggest on screen heart throb is Tom Hanks. Why choose a gender when I can enjoy it all?

Gee, Michael, your "lazy journalism" sure has sparked a lot of debate, huh?

What you are, babe, is a provocatueur and obviously quite good at it.

Bisexuality is not solely about the sexual attraction between people, any more than a homosexual's attraction to the same gender is solely about the sex.

Bisexuals identify as such because they feel not only sexual compatibility with a person regardless of gender but also EMOTIONAL connection. And regardless of their current partnership, remain aware, proud, pleased even, with their past sexual partners of all genders. To deny it would be to deny a large part of our personal history that makes us who we are as people.

I doubt you would say that every gay woman or man that you know is only with their same-sex partner for the sex? The fight for gay marriage, the long-term partnerships of 20-30 years ... are clearly about emotional completion as well.

Grant bisexuality the same courtesy. Those of us who live openly as serially monogamous bisexuals would appreciate it.

I'm not sure why I'm taking the time to respond, but there are several flaws in your "argument" beginning with:

Firstly, do you know ANYONE who "effortlessly glides" through dating?

Secondly, you are focusing too much on the
"sex" part of relationships here. Its not just about sex. Of course you aren't going to find any bisexuals if all you're looking for are stereotype confirming ones... which by definition is perceiving them as "really gay and in the closet." So if you don't take down your own prejudicial barriers you aren't going to see them. You can't. That doesn't mean they don't exist.

Furthermore, how is it your place to question this one way or the other? What gives you the right?

Finally, you are focusing too much on men and there is a great difference in the presentation/perception/performance of male and female bisexuals in our society.

As an owner of an alternative social networking website that hosts a community for bisexuals, and another for lesbians, gays, and transgenders, I can unequivocally state that bisexuals exist, and in larger numbers than the latter groups combined.

Your personal suspension of disbelief may make great copy, and increase the number of impressions to your column, but your words are ignorant, hurtful, and mean-spirited.

Before you write a column about people you know nothing about do your home work. We don't need your abuse.

I think the BiNet USA columnist who wrote "in reality the biphobic rants of Michael Musto, Dan Savage, et al. are just as toxic as Fred Phelps, James Dobson's Focus on the Family at and their ilk are to the greater LGBT Community" calls it right, if a bit hyperbolically. Stop the hate speech, Mr. Musto. You and your readers don't get to decide whether we exist. Get used to it.

Do you think it's funny and cute to talk that way about your OWN bisexual brothers and bisexual sisters huh?

yes we are brothers and sisters. thats what the LGBT COMMUNITY STAND FORS. I don't know where you're coming off from or what community you're part off, but it's very obvious that you're giving a opinion based on stupid little experiences instead of real actual facts. You're talking about something you have very limited knowledge about...how dare you? You can't even bother to do research about something you don't understand, and its obvious you don't understand, otherwise i wouldnt be here reading such ingorant article. The funny part of it is, you write your opinion as if it were a actual fact and that you leave it up to the readers whether or not we exist.
Such disrespect. Couldnt even bother to ask your brothers and sisters from Bi Net or any other bisexual organization to help you understand bisexuality.

no no no no you go ahead and write the article and thats the end of the story. it doesn't matter who you disrespect and what you're doing wrong.

I'm not gonna sit here and prove you wrong and try to prove I exist or some bullshit like that. You wanna learn? Get off your lazy ass, read some books, do some research and interview bisexual people, and put a bit of effort to write an actual positive article on the true facts of bisexuality.

how lazy of you? silly stereotypes based on silly expriences. that's it?

how old are you?

This notion that married men, who have sex with men on the side are somehow not bisexual is stupid.

Bisexuality is not a moral issue. It is a type of sexuality.

And who are we to make judgements about how people satisfy their sexual needs. Who says all the wives don't know what their husbands are doing with men.

I am a moderator to a group of over 350 married couples where both partners are fully aware that they are both bi.

Some couples give each other "hall passes" to act individually, while other couples have "dates" with other couples together.

People find their own way to live their lives. They make their own rules, and don't need to be judged - or abused.

This notion that married men, who have sex with men on the side are somehow not bisexual is stupid.

Bisexuality is not a moral issue. It is a type of sexuality.

And who are we to make judgements about how people satisfy their sexual needs. Who says all the wives don't know what their husbands are doing with men.

I am a moderator to a group of over 350 married couples where both partners are fully aware that they are both bi.

Some couples give each other "hall passes" to act individually, while other couples have "dates" with other couples together.

People find their own way to live their lives. They make their own rules, and don't need to be judged - or abused.

Jon

BlindPassionLifestyle.com

Who ever said bisexuals had to be 50/50? As far as I'm concerned, anyone who is not a Kinsey 0 or a 6 is bi.

I bet you don't have many friends. I bet you know what Homophobia is like! guess what its like when biphobia is dished out! its no different...shame on you

Michael Musto... what a turd.

Wow. Don't ever let it be said that people who experience homophobia and discrimination can't dish it out themselves in their own special way.

No, we /do/ exist. And, guess what? When I meet the person I'm going to be monogamous with--whether male or female--I won't stop being bisexual even then! Funny, huh? Though, apparently, narrow-minded, judgmental idiots (much like yourself) won't be able to understand that. No, they'll be spouting some self-righteous bullshit about how I finally "came out" as either a hetro or a homo.

Face it, you just don't get it. So here's a little piece of advice: Don't hold strong opinions about things you don't understand.

Educate yourself. And write better than this crap. They pay you for this?

I meet a real bisexual every time I get up in the morning and look in the mirror, and have for the past 20 years. Same thing when I look at my partner of 10 years, and our girlfriend, and our boyfriend.
And we don't need some sexuality-phobic narrow minded jerk to tell us we exist, either.

This hatred is all too common.

I'm guessing the author was dumped for a woman by someone.

Well I'm glad so many people showed up to tell you how insulting your article was. I'm sick and tired of people who don't know me (or do) telling me that they understand my sexuality better than I do.

Damn, Michael, do you know how far behind the times you are?

Gay and lesbian organizations responded to a bi outcry in the mid-90s and started adding B, and ultimately T, to the nomenclature of queer organizations. And now, more than a decade later, you're wondering if bis exist?

Check out BiNet USA. Read Bi Any Other Name by Loraine Hutchins and Lani Kaahumanu. Check out the bisexual sections at NGLTF and GLAAD websites. Get on bilerico.com and read the articles under the bisexual tag. Check out Bialogue in NYC. Read bi guy Mike Szymanski's column for examiner.com.

Above all, get out of your own echo chamber and look around. Catch up, dude.

You know, a lot of times you find what you look for. If you think every guy who claims he's bi is just afraid to come out of the closet, you'll find plenty of evidence to support your prejudice. I mean, really, why on earth would doing a Bette Davis impersonation mean a guy wasn't bisexual? Do gay men have an exclusive ownership of camp? And why does "bisexual" have to mean "equally attracted to both. . . effortlessly gliding between dating pools"? What do you call a person who's measurably, if not equally, attracted to both women and men, and has had successful relationships with both? Or do you deny that any such people exist, or that they're all lying? Does discomfort with a dating pool invalidate a sexual orientation? If so, there aren't many "real heterosexuals" out there. I've yet to meet a straight person who glides effortlessly in and out of that one dating pool.

I've known lots of "real bisexuals"-- I'm one myself. Of course, I'm with a woman now, and plenty of people would take that as evidence that I'm not really bi-- just a lesbian who was afraid to come out. Truth is, prejudice is prejudice and a closet is a closet. Not long ago, straight society denied the existence of real homosexuals; they thought being gay was just an illness. Now, gay and straight societies both want to deny the existence of bisexuals. I didn't come out of a straight closet just to enter a gay one.

Your biphobic article shows ignorance and has no place in an enlightened society. There are in fact lots of real bisexuals. Ive been bisexual for over 50 years. After all these years I can assure you Im not confused, on a fence or on my way to being gay.

Articles such as yours do nothing to reduce the misunderstanding and prejudice that I have to live with everyday. I think you owe us all an apology,

Mark

Dear Michael--I must respectfully disagree with your premise (and I KNOW you know better--one doesn't spend years in the Downtown club scene without chancing upon all sorts of types, relationships, identities). While, I am a dyed-in-the-woolens cocksucker, last year I was fortunate to spend a few months enjoying hot boy sex with an incredibly sexy twenty-something. He had no problem sharing his history of past drug use, sex-for-pay, and bouts of depression/suicide attempts. What he was ashamed to admit to me was his abiding interest in banging hot chicks. It seemed the people around him had no problem with his love for dick, but his interest in vagina freaked them out. And it wasn't his bisexuality that ended the relationship, but the insurmountable age difference.

Hey Michael! Fellow Michael here! We've been in many movies together (most recently in BI THE WAY), and met thru our mutual friend Michael Lucas (another Michael!) AND, as you saw in the movie, there are people who live the bi lifestyle, as my partner and I do (now even raising kids!)

Anyway, I need to get you my Lambda Award-winning book BISEXUAL'S GUIDE TO THE UNIVERSE, and also you can peruse the stuff I've written about the topic as the Bisexuality Examiner (http://www.examiner.com/x-3366-Bisexuality-Examiner)
love,
-m

while I realize you most likely only write this drivel to start some controversy and up your hit count, the problem is that you stir up many of your more disturbed and rabid fans especially among the semi-closeted crowd (out to their lover and at the bars - in the closet at home, work and in the neighborhood) who seem to be among those who have the most virulent hatred of the "out & proud" bi/pan/fluid part of the LGBT community

additionally you and your "fellow-travelers" (such as Savage, Casablanca and Bindel) seem to have a disproportionate influence over these poor unfortunate weak-minded folk in the greater LGBT community, who tend to quote a lot of your biphobic nonsense while they are ranting on that "bisexual vermin" need to be "exterminated" to protect the "pure" and "real" members of the gay and lesbian community.

when what you write becomes the justification for people like that who threaten violence against bisexual people within the LGBT community and who tell a nervous bisexual kid who is just coming out that the queer community would be better off if they committed suicide, then we -- who staff the hotlines and receive the desperate and despairing e-mails and know the damage that is being done -- also know that you have indeed become no better then Phelps, Dobson et. al.

was your publishing yet another witty little bòn mót for the applause of your sycophants and getting an little up-tick on your counter really worth having a bisexual youth beaten up or a bisexual kid making a suicidal gesture because they now think not even the queer community will give them refuge?

all hate speech has consequences

PS--Here's a thought. There are lots of bis in New York. I suggest that they get together and--since Michael Musto has never met a real bisexual--they should show up on his doorstep and introduce themselves.

What do you say, Big Apple Bis?

to answer your question, yes, bisexuals exist.
but you're also right that some people don't understand what being bi really is. (think confused 13 year olds.) this is a major thorn in one's paw. i think this adds to the distrust (?) of people believing that one can be bisexual.

i think one reason a lot of people like you may question the existence of bisexuals is because it is so hard to understand if you're not bi.

it's not really a thing i, at least, can put into words. it's not as simple as, "today i'm going to look for boys, tomorrow girls."

and i agree that it is a bit of a segue to coming out. BUT, i think many people confuse bisexuality with sexual confusion. if someone is still in the closet, it's easy to say that they are bi, because at least you're still holding onto that strand of straightness. it's easy to fall under the guise of being straight when you're bi. i should also say, if you're confused about your sexuality, bisexuality is more well known than persons who are questioning. (even though we are one of the least recognized orientations under the rainbow. or bi flag, whatever you choose.)

and, don't think it's an even 50/50 divide. i know, including myself, many people who find themselves more attracted to one sex than the other. this doesn't mean we're not bisexual, either.

you're obviously not the first person to wonder about "the existence of the bis" (!), but i think articles about bisexuality are simply left best to be written by bisexual folks themselves.

Wow. And to think I used to think Michael Musto was funny. Ah well.

"Everyone always says they're bisexual"? Wha? Everyone? What planet are you living on, Michael? And to think I used to think you were funny. Now I just think you're really sad.

I am really in awe of all the bi's who have attempted to educate you even though we don't really know what you are doing any more than you seem to know anything about us. You and Savage seem to like to bait us rather than being truly ignorant. If that is the case it is probably worse since you are marginalizing very real and beautiful people rather than adding truth and light to the human conversation.

To add to the chorus, I have been bi for close to 50 years. Didn't even know the word for the first ten or twelve, all I was was confused as to why I was attracted to (and having sex with) both men and women. Now I am more bi than sexual, but the important thing is in my time I have come to know myself.

Well, someone is certainly full of shit.

Honestly, why do we even validate this sort of sophomoric, inane drivel? Clearly he's only fishing for hits and trying to stir up controversy. I can't wait to see what his next blog will be about. Perhaps he'll question the existence of transsexuals? Or maybe Jewish people? How about African-Americans?

Idiot. Of course we exist. Unfortunately, Mr. Musto, you've proven that bigots exist too, regardless of their orientation.

If I'm not Bi why doesn't pussy repulse me like other queers who tell me they would never go near one. Trust me I find men irresistible but a juicy pussy can be fun.. Oh did I mention licking pussy juice off a guys balls as he fucks her.
Go away and let me have my fun. Grow up already!!

I'm getting tired of these biphobic people,
especially with it turns out to be OUR OWN gay brothers and sister from OUR OWN LGBT community. I'm tired of having to RETELL them what i told others a thousand times.
These biphobic need to get their facts straight and in order to do that, how about they get their lazy ass out of their ass, meet bisexual people FROM Bi Net or an actual organization with bisexual people and read a goddamn book about bisexuality. heck, they can even go to google and read us up!

but no biphobics have a very stupid way of doing things. they said things as if they were "facts" but its nothing more than a opinion based silly little experinces (i use to be bi and now im gay! oh please thats a dumb reason) or just go along to what everybody else says. stereotypes ? are you kidding? ALL YOU BIPHOBICS KNOW its stereotypes but YOU ALL still go along with it.

I dont know who you areMichael Musto is, but I do know something. You don't know how to write an article. So you said something about Bette Davis impressations and drinking and bars? 0_o are you writing about a one time experince with people who were drunk? you even hint you wished you could be bi "I do think it's a lovely idea to actually crave sex with people regardless of gender" the way you wrote that sentence ..."crave sex" haha its as if you were imagining himself being bi and wishing YOU WERE. But you aren't, so you're frustated. I felt like I was reading a "Dear Diary" blog about a frustated and jealous homosexual man, then an actual article and well that's just sad. You don't love yourself enough cause you haven't accepted who you are yet. if you did, you wouldn't feel so insecure and jealous and threanted by bisexuality.

if you accepted yourself, you would accept everyone else. you would just be you and me would just be me. but i guess not. why? because you have a problem with us. so YOU'RE the one with the problem not us.

you're the one full of shit alright cause you're the one in denial. you might want to wake up hun cause i dont know what world you're living in.

I POSTED THAT LAST COMMENT. i forgot to put my name. This is for you Donny The Punk.

Looks like someone needs a mental enema. I'm amazed you could squeeze that much ignorance into a mere two paragraphs.

Yes, there are a number of us out there. There's a whole range of valid bisexual men: from almost totally gay, but likes some variety, to almost totally straight, but also likes variety. I'm both old enough, and been in the community long enough to testify that it is not a passing fad, nor a case of "bi now, gay later" (about the most offensive slur to the bisexual ear).

Bob Honan
President, BiNet Seattle

Bi one, get one free?

Oh dear!

Bisexuals are attracted to men and women, gay men are attracted to men.

You're gay, I'm bi. If I need to be attracted 50/50 to men and women then you need to be 100/0. Are you attracted to all men? Every man you see?

Me neither.

What attracts me, and I bet you, isn't the gender. I'm attracted to short hair sometimes, long hair other times. Curves. Smiles. Filthy ideas shared. Commonality. Difference.

What makes me a bisexual, and what makes you a gay man, is that for me gender doesn't then rule people out.

I'm sorry people are jumping up and down on you in these comments, it's an easy and outdated assumption to fall in with. But bisexuality isn't about "all" or "every" it's about "either".

Take care.

Yes, Me.
But it depends on how easy a time you have letting go of social conditioning structures and how much "over the edge" you really are. I assume you write about people trapped in the "gender mentality" that want to be bisexual, but cannot because they are too obsessed with what the "regular" or "burgeouis" people say about their behaviour. They are labeling themselves.
They might be real bisexualy on their way of coming out. I mean everyone starts somehow? And after all, we live in a hetero-mono-normative world. So you have to show a certain strength toendure criticism of your "breaking the rules".
And ... even Freud says that we are all born bisexual and just rendered into labeling by society.

I've visited the vast cobwebs of my mind and have come with my own pole of sorts. I grew up near several military bases. I can't see a man in camouflage without wanting to show my patriotism.
Lord knows how many of them there are in this poll, all branches of the Armed forces, except the Coast Guard are included. The vast majority were between the ages of 18 to 35. All races, men from all areas of the country. Many married, all extremely horny. Most of them professed attraction to women:
60% Trade, many of them experiencing their first great blowjob. (Quoting, not bragging)
20% wanting more than just the blowjob; mainly topping but trying oral; mainly curious but professing straight.
5%-not included in the above-
professing a desire or the fantasy of being a bottom, curious but still professing to be straight.
10% claiming bisexuality, includes those curious and perceived as gay, and those fully gay versatile, mainly versatile tops.
2% professing to be totally gay bottoms.
The remaining 3% include a few too hot to care, some too drunk to get it up or passed out before the games begun.
2 wearing 'their girlfriend's' lacy panties
1 Full on Marine Cross dresser.
The margin of error is there as I know many who say I have the total bottom number waaaay too low.
I would love to conduct a follow up on many of those poles.....

First let me say that I AM bisexual and have been open and proud of it for over 30 years. I am so incredibly sick of the ignorant, self-hating losers, like Musto, who feel that they have to deny the existence of bisexuality to cover up their own inadequacies. Why do you feel so threatened Michael? In my experience, it's because you, like most loudmouthed hate mongers, are either full of self-loathing or just trying too hard to hide something. I know PLENTY of very prominent "gay" men who are secretly bi, but are afraid to come out for fear of being rejected by the likes of you. How sad.

After 57 years on the planet I have had time to explore my sexuality and there is no question in my mind and body that I am bisexual - no more question that folks who know themselves to be gay or straight. And as a polyamory and bisexual activist I have met thousands upon thousands of others. Your article reveals more about your closed circle blindness - than it does about any true insight into the depth and range of human sexuality - which should always be allowed to open up to exploration and a wider range of experience, instead of being forced into categories that make monosexuals feel comfortable in their tight little boxes.

Wow, it's like this column was beamed into the web from someplace deep in the middle of 1993, when all the arguments about bisexual "inclusion" were raging. I want the Wayback Machine Michael Musto found somewhere. Of course, I think I might use it for something more constructive than worrying my poor little head about whether bisexuals are real. Aren't there some fashion disasters from celebrity awards shows a few years back that would be FAR better off fixed with a few judicious accessory tips? And wouldn't humanity benefit more if we spent time on those?

Seriously: next time my bisexual, male, same-sex partner of twelve years wants to hold my hand in public as we walk through the streets of our inner suburb (as he did yesterday) I will be CERTAIN to let him know that his terrible, awful, lying, closeted lifestyle is NO FUN for me, and that Michael Musto opened my eyes. I will also encourage his female partner of over 25 years to do likewise.

And then we will *laugh our fucking heads off* that this kind of shit still plays in the popular media.

Seriously, Michael: stop dating these closet cases who can't meet your eye on the street. They're apparently the ones who have you convinced the whole world is like that. Talking with you is like talking to a nice woman who has a string of abusive boyfriends and starts saying "all men are pigs" when she turns down guys who don't have that "edge" she craves. Sometimes the pattern you're seeing isn't out there in the world, darling. Sometimes the problem's in YOU and your bad choices.

Said with love, of course.

Having your existence questioned is bad enough.

Having it questioned by someone who is in the LGBT community hurts.

And having it questioned by saying "ever suspect they're full of shit?" is bad, hurtful, and downright rude.

PS - Thank you to everyone who's posted bi-positive comments here. It's wonderful to see such a huge wave of support in the face of such ignorance.

Michael, I'm interested in this idea you have that someone who is a real bisexual is attracted to the male and female sex equally or, as you put it '50/50'. First of all, how would anyone measure that? Secondly, the term bisexual does not indicate a 50/50 attraction split. Thirdly, what about people who are attracted to transsexual or gender-queer people? Are they... gay, straight, bi or ... none of the above?

To some extent I understand your confusion. There's some accounting for bisexuality being trendy and I think some of us in the queer community feel insulted that our hard earned place in society, the rights and community we've developed, can be waltzed in and out of by people to whom none of it seems to matter. However, I reserve any judgment on people who want to try out a same sex experience or even do so with out any real interest in it. Who am I to judge or say that they aren't what they say they are? For many people identity is mutable. We often discover new things about ourselves and making the lgbtqi community less exclusive, could be very much a good thing.

It is so sad that Mr. Musto wrote that article about are bisexuals real?

First of all, as a proud bisexual woman - yes. Bisexuality IS real. For me, love goes beyond gender. It's about the soul. So just as race, economic status and other more 'earthly' categories, gender (or one's sex) is not important to me. If I love someone, I love them regardless.

Just because Mr. Musto can not fathom that, doesn't mean it's not real.

Bisexuals vary. Some are attracted to both sexes equally (such as myself), while others may have a stronger preference towards one gender more then another, but as long as they are attracted to both sexes - they are bisexual.

I think some people in the homosexual and even heterosexual community feel threatened by the concept of bisexuality because they feel insecure that they somehow won't be enough and they will leave them for a member of the opposite sex (which seems to be a bigger blow then just leaving them for the same sex.)

But I say it is sad that Mr. Musto wrote this article not just because it promotes ignorance, but because I believe the GLBT community needs to come together and unite, instead of attacking each other so that we can collectively fight ignorance.

First they tell you that you can't be attracted to both men AND women. Then when you explain that, NO, you really ARE attracted to women sometimes as well as men, then they tell you, oh, but it has to be 50:50 to be bi. So, you can't win. Well I am not 50:50, and I am most frequently attracted to men. But I've also had some fantastic experiences with women.

Sometimes the best bet when casually hooking up with guys is not to dwell on the bi label because there are a lot of gay men who have a problem with it. If you want to be super open, you can casually mention that you have sometimes had sex with women, and they will attribute it to some kind of coming out process. In my experience, it is best to be really up-front with women. Sometimes, if you are lucky, they will get totally turned on by the bi thing (cause they're getting something special)! Of course, if you want to develop a relationship, then maybe you need to talk about labels.

And about that Bette Davis impression comment: come off it, Musto. Being gay and out doesn't mean you can't be repressed too...

You start off saying "everyone" claims to be bisexual and then go on to say they are really gay men in the closet. Not only are your comments biphobic, they are totally sexist. NOT EVERYONE IS MALE! So I can only assume that this is based solely on your experience with dating men. If you were to add women to the article it would probably go something like: being bisexual is trendy for women. This is mostly the assumption people come to after seeing too many pornos or porn-influenced media or talking to too many porn-influenced people. Bisexual women are not just here to give straight guys erections. We actually do things because they turn US on. I am a 30 yo bisexual woman who is in a monogymous marriage with a man. If my marriage ended or my husband died I couldn't guarantee that I would date only men. I came out at 16 and over the course of the years have "come out" as lesbian after being pressured by both gays and straights to "pick one". You see, bisexuals are only "confused" when people tell them they don't exist. More likely it is the other people who are confused because they can't wrap their brains around people who date PEOPLE, not men, not women, but PEOPLE. So I'm finally comfortable with my sexuality (I am bi, really and truly), and I won't have anyone, gay or straight, telling me I don't exist. Really, why are people so obsessed with picking one sex: we're not expected to date only one race or one age or one body type, etc, etc. Why do we have to pick one sex? You have been given a position of speaking to the public. It is your responsibility to do your research and not put out misinformation that will cause others to be oppressed. I would never talk trash about "all gay men" so don't talk trash about bisexuals.

Is this really the *only* post under the category "bisexuals"?!

Sad.

i'm a bisexual man, and i do betty davis impersonations. gender and sexuality are two entirely different issues.

are you suggesting that a man would have to be 100% masculine all the time in order to legitimately be attracted to women? if so, what does this mean for gay men who do not "(do) betty davis impersonations?"

I AM truly bisexual. Most people think that I am gay and that is fine with me. Being identified as gay suits my personality better. I am out and proud and am proud to be a part of the gay community, but I just can't give up one gender for the other. I wish that I could be attracted to only men or to only women because it would make my life so much less complicated. I consider being bi to be a curse. I have cried over being torn between my boyfriend and my ex-wife after a 3 way. I would much rather be exclusively gay or straight, but I just can't be. I have been like this for 25 years. It is hell. I have been married two a woman twice and have had two long term gay relationships. My son is bi as well. Some closeted gay men or men that have only tried being with a woman once do claim to be bi and that really makes me very angry when they do that and I have told more than one of off for doing that. Fake bi people make the real ones look bad.

Why would anyone pretend to be bisexual, when that fact is that we are less accepted and more persecuted than gays or straights?! It took me so long to figure out who I was. I suffered though the indecision of my sexuality for years! My parents always told me they'd accept me no matter who I turned out to be, and when the time came that I questioned my sexuality, I was so torn! I was attracted to women, but I was just as attracted to men. I waffled for a long time. "Am I a lesbian? No, I'm attracted to that guy, I must be straight. But wait, I think I'm in love with Amanda, so I am a lesbian! (to years later) I'm in love with John, so I guess I am straight." Everyone made me think there was something wrong with me. "You have to choose one," they said. But sexuality ISN'T a choice. It took me a long time to accept that there is such a thing as bisexuals and that I was one. And still no one understands! "Well, you must lean more towards one than the other," they say. No. I don't. "You're just experimenting," they say. No. I'm not! "I guess you can't be monogamous, because you need one of each," No! I don't!

And I am shunned by the gay and lesbian community! They tell me I make a mockery of who they are! I can't talk to girls, because as soon as they find out I'm bisexual, they run away, saying I'll leave them for a man. I made a speech at my GSA club and none of them knew any of this. I even had a previously proclaimed gay man come out during the Q&A as bisexual, crying, saying he'd been hiding and saying he was gay, thinking there was something wrong with him because he liked women too.

This emotional displacement of bisexuals needs to stop, and articles like this encourage the opinion that we don't belong.

I am *so* impressed that you know ALL the people in the world who might actually be bisexual! That is, tsk, aMAZing. Wow.

um, me. Myself.And I.
So that would be 3 people right there.
So maybe we're your natural constituency?

Screw you dude.

You ever think that all the "bisexuality is not real" bs is just a smoke-and-mirrors coverup designed to keep antsy gays and heterosexuals from dealing with their small minded notions of sexuality and helping keep bisexuals in the closet?

Word of advice: keep your mouth shut about things you don't know. Seriously. Unless you like looking like a jerk.

And thanks for helping along that whole biphobia thing - which is strangely close to homophobia. And helping to shame bisexuals. Again.

Michaael,

Please accept my invitation to visit
http://www.meetup.com/ambila/ (a progressive social/activism group for bisexual / fluid / queer people and allies in Los Angeles) and talk with me personally about bisexuality.

Also, please accept my invitation to march with me and other bisexual people on June 14th at the Los Angeles Pride Parade.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Thanks.

I have been bisexual for 53 years, in committed, monogamous relationships, and willing to be, with either a man or woman (they left me). It is attitudes like yours in both the gay and straight community that prevents real bisexuals having a normal romantic life. No one believes we are real, we are just gays in waiting or straights who are experimenting. Not true. Some people are attracted to both sexes. Think of sexuality as a spectrum instead of a dualism and you may begin to understand.

Marriage: A legal union between two consenting individuals of legal age, that are not biologically related to one another. It can be between two individuals of the opposite sex or it can be between two individuals of the same sex. However, if it's between two individuals of the same sex, it's considered a Civil Marriage that is recognized by the government of the United States of America, but does not have to be recognized by the Church or other Religious Institutions. This is what is meant by separation of Church and State.

Since marriage is between only two individuals, this eliminates Polygamists or those that want a threesome marriage. Since marriage cannot be between relatives, this eliminates any marriage based on incest. Since marriage is between two consenting individuals of legal age, this eliminates marriage with an animal or with a minor. Even though procreation is part of marriage, it's not the "only" part and there are a lot of heterosexual couples who can not procreate. A marriage doesn't make a family and a family doesn't make a marriage.

There are different types of marriages. And whatever type of sex that consenting individuals of legal age engage in, is their business and their business only. However, if marriage is so important to society then explain these situations for me...

a) You have reality shows where the public not the man/woman picks the bride or groom...
b) People are getting married all over and over again without, legally, being divorced. And the government doesn't have any system or controls in place...
c) How can you annul a marriage years after the fact, especially when children were born from that union?
d) How can you get married by, and again, in the Catholic Church after being legally divorced?
e) And you have people marrying total strangers for money, so that one of them can stay in the U.S.A legally...
Just something to think about.

by Mr. Johnnie Newkirk

Typical biphobic trash from the Village Voice and a biphobic gay man.

Yes bisexuality does exist in men. The idea that it doesn't is pure bull shite and bisexual erasure.

No, not everyone is bisexual. Also not all bisexuals are 50/50, some greatly prefer men and can pass as gay but they're not gay/homosexual.

I find it hypocritical that gay men like Musto deny bisexuality when just 20-30 years ago heterosexuals were doing the same thing to homosexuals saying that being gay was really a mental illness, the person was confused, or choosing to be homosexual, and other pure BS that heterosexual society puts upon us queers.

Also, to the person who said that a guy who likes women but just wants some dick every now and then isn't bisexual is an idiot since if a guy is heterosexual/straight he's not going to want sex with a man at all. Stop watching so much gay porn and reading erotic fiction.

Musto-Try going to an NYC bisexual group meeting and actually meeting bisexual people instead of just pretending that they don't exist.

If you want examples of bisexual people Robert Mapplethorpe was bisexual and so were/are these people.

http://www.nndb.com/lists/244/000069037/

Dr. Alfred Kinsey himself was bisexual but you can read about that in the Kinsey Biography about him or see it in the Kinsey movie.

Oscar Wilde was bisexual and so were many other people.

Musto is an idiot and is probably a closeted bisexual himself or just jealous and wishes that he was bisexual instead of being gay, or maybe he just has lots of self loathing and homophobia about himself and his own sexuality?

I am a 68-year-old polyamorous bisexual.
I am more frequently attracted to women than to men. I know that I exist.

That someone else questions my existence, however annoying and frustrating that may be, is their problem not mine.

Sincerely yours,

rbs
Dundas, Ontario

Yes we exist. What do you call me? I wouldn't call it effortless, but I do date both men and women and am genuinely attracted to both. If not bisexual, then I guess you're not gay, and we both made a "choice", so the fundies and conservatives must be right eh? You can start by reading this below, then again, you don't seem like the type that actually cares what science proves.......

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/01/080116080306.htm

Wow ...Do some research and actually talk to bisexual people, not drunken "situational-homos".

1. "it's a lovely idea to actually crave sex with people regardless of gender."

What?! Because being straight is simply craving sex of the opposite gender, and being gay is simply craving sex of the same gender right? Love and dating and all those things don't matter. After all, bisexuals aren't people with valid felings who have real relationships, they're just sex-"crave"d animals, dontchaknow?
this is the same kind of talk that people use against gays. get with it.

2. ...And so what if a bisexual person doesn't "effortlessly glide between those two dating pools"?? how you date has nothing to do with being a "true" bisexual. Plenty of monosexuals have trouble in just one dating pool and their sexuality isn't questioned.

3. ...And should there be "a second's thought or self-consciousness?"
again, the same things people say about gays.

Anyway, your question was answered by many of us. YES, WE EXIST. And we're not closeted gays.

Musto, you're an idiot. Stick to your comedy schtick, it's funny. This faux-commentary on bisexuality is insulting and stupid.

And FU to all the hypocrites in the gay "community" with your asisine comments like "Bisexuals will always leave you" -- as if no gay person has ever cheated on their partner or left them for someone else -- and "Bisexuals enjoy straight privilege and gay sex but don't contribute to the queer cause" as if we're all in the closet (we're not) or never put our asses on the line for gay rights (we do) -- or as if every single party boy in the clubs is a gay/civil rights activist.

Bitch, please. If you don't like the taste of pussy, you don't have to taste it. I do, but that doesn't make me straight.

i always laugh at anyone who says they are bisexual

i say " i dont buy into bi "

MICHAEL YOU ARE SOOOO CORRECT

P.S. bisexuals ...who are they kidding

I dont "buy" intoi "bi"

these Bi people are full of shit ...lol

Michael you are sooo correct!!...again

LOL

GET REAL PEOPLE

A real bisexual is about legitimate as a real transsexual.

dirt

Hey Musto, are you posting on your own site under the psuedonym "Drew" now?
Nahhh... even YOU couldn't be that stupid! Clearly this "Drew" character is such a loser that he thinks we won't notice he's the same hate monger who posted as "anonymous" 10 minutes earlier. Post as many times as you want dipshit, deep down, you'll always know you're just a self-hating douchebag. "Get real" indeed!

As Martin Luther King said: "You know, whenever Pharaoh wanted to prolong the period of slavery in Egypt, he had a favorite, favorite formula for doing it. What was that? He kept the slaves fighting among themselves. But whenever the slaves get together, something happens in Pharaoh's court, and he cannot hold the slaves in slavery. When the slaves get together, that's the beginning of getting out of slavery."

Taken separately, L and G and B and T are each a tiny sliver of the population. But all together, we start to be a pretty big chunk, over 15%, pretty hard to ignore. In these days when we all need to be working together to fight for queer rights for ALL of us, a divisive piece like this is working for Pharoh, and a stab in the back to the entire queer community. Bisexuals are very active in the fight for queer rights and same-sex marriage, as we fall in love with the person, and many of us look gay and suffer from just as much discrimination and hate crimes as any other queer person. In addition straight people hate us more than any other group besides IV drug addicts (see Gregory Herek's research), MORE than gays and Lesbians, and people like you are continually fanning the flames of hatred against in the GL community. Hence the rates of suicide are even higher in the bisexual community than in the GL community because no, it is NOT so easy being bi as you make it out to be. And what you just wrote will be quoted and thrown in our faces as though it is a fact, and used in a further round of anti-bi prejudice. Are you proud of yourself?

Can you say OUCH!! and Get Real !
How can you be so condescending and cras about something you obviously have not educated yourself on????

In a way you suprisingly commited GENOCIDE in a sense. Hurting your/our community which needs to pull together not fight.

I have known I was bisexual since I was a young girl. Simply...which being BI is NOT ...b/c of Sh*t like this and peoples false perceptions - that are so easy spread as fact! Amazing!

I am happily married to a a man I fell in love with my senior year in HS. I had girlfriends before him and we have had girlfriends together. I love both. and as bisexualady & ZZ stated: yes it is about ATTRACTION/LUST, LOVE, PASSION - and as with anything in life it is not just cut n dry...black n white... feelings/emotions/love/desires ... are undifined artwork ... think of many colors of paint poured on a flat canvas then spin it, turn , flip it, spray it with water, spritz it with oil and WOW... what an end result... MODERN ART ... PRICELESS !!

YES BISEXUALS exist!!...and with all human things as people we are all unique in many ways...yet all similar in more ways than we know.

BTW ~ I would love to meet other BI Ladies/couples that we can relate with :)

Musto, get your head out of your ass. This is hate speech. You're not a writer, you're a joke. I agree with the others- a two paragraph snippet does not make you a writer. Bisexuals are just as real as gays, lesbians, and straights. You are perpetuating a dangerous stereotype. I don't think you're actually gay. I think you're pretending to be because you think it gives you license to attack the gay community. You shouldn't be writing, you should be greeting people at the door at Walmart. You're a fake. I am disgusted.

Oh, of course, you're right. I guess I'll just bleep out of existence right now, since I'm clearly not real.

Yes, that was my sarcastic voice

You're talking out of your arse, and I would compare you to a bit of dog shit I found on my shoe the other day, but I'd sooner eat the dog shit, throw it back up and run across Europe naked with the vomit on my head than compare you to the dog shit, because frankly, it's a much better example of a human being than you are.

No, that was not my sarcastic voice. And yes, I was being nice.

Bisexuals aren't real? Oh darn! Someone should have told the eight-year-old me who one day had the biggest crush on a cute bleach-blond, brown-eyed Italian boy named Jonathan... and then shortly thereafter fell head over heels for Tiffany, who had cinnamon skin, long gorgeous black curls, and the most beautiful smile ever. I didn't know anything about homo- or bisexuals, but they were both the objects of my affection nonetheless.

I was reared in a homophobic religion and society. Liking both Jonathan and Tiffany is what was natural to me. I've had to do a lot of soul searching to get back to the only person I know how to be - me. A human being who can find beauty and sexual pleasure across gender lines. I wouldn't want my life to be any other way.

Who the hell's going to tell you they're bisexual if you're just going to tell them they aren't?
Bisexuality's got a bad name from those who cheat and use bisexuality as an enabling term, it's got a bad name from the closet cases and the curious teenagers who hide behind the word bisexual. Does it really matter that much to you? I'd be more concerned with the idea of, is he interested? Will he cheat on me? I mean, hell, my last boyfriend preferred guys but mostly dated girls. I'm bi and I've dated both women and men. Yeah, some people say some bullshit about everyone's inherently bisexual, but they're wrong. Some people are just straight, some people are just gay. That's the way it is. It isn't that sexuality's fluid, it's that we're all individuals and we all look for different things in different people.
Bisexuals exist, does it really bother you that much? Unless maybe you're questioning your own sexuality.
Also, as said before, your journalism is lacking, and this idea's been done to death. All you have to do is google 'bisexual' and shit like this comes up on the first page.
Maybe you should spend your time on something more meaningful than writing about things that'll just make people angry at you.

Musto is still alive? Really?! I thought that clueless dinosaur died years ago! This column just proves once again how totally irrelevant he is outside of a small clique of smug, snarky gay men.

Listen, if you're actually still around Mikey, you've really got to get out more! I'll bet you're one of those pathetic idiots still wandering around sputtering that Bush couldn't POSSIBLY have won in 2004 because YOU didn't don't know a SINGLE person who voted for him!

You remind me of an equally well-informed loon who keeps insisting that there are no gays in Iran. You two would make a great couple...

Dear Michael Musto;

I have been told that you are saying that bisexuality and bisexuals do not exist. I am writing you today to state that you are incorrect.

I may be a 50 year old straight male, but I lived with my late partner, Brenda, for 5 years and we dated for another 5 years before that. We would talk about her bisexuality all the time and I helped her run many of the bisexual groups that she organized up until her untimely death from colon cancer in the June of 2005 (she was only 58!)

For all the time that I knew her it was NOT a phase...it was her being! I would watch her flirt with both men and females all the time. Please note that just because we were in a long-term relationship does NOT mean we were monogamous. We had a polyamorous relationship! And yes we talked about adding more "members" to our "family" and yes she wanted to add more FEMALES (lots and lots were her words). She also would always tell
me whenever she thought a female looked "cute".

So please Michael Musto do not say that my partner Brenda Howard, bisexual activist and Mother of Pride did not exist, because she did exist and she was BISEXUAL!

"There's no such thing as a real lesbian, they all just need the right man to turn them striaght."

"There's no such thing as a real gay man, they're all just playing out a hedonistic party animal phase and will find a woman once they want to settle down with raise a family."

How's your argument, Michael, any different from bigotry like that?

Does having sex with a girl in the morning, and with her brother in the afternoon, count? What if both relationships continued in parallel for a few months? Appreciation for pulchritude knows no bounds in a bi guy.
Many of us are just "hisorically bi". Now all we yearn for is to bottom for Mr. Musto.

Tobi here said it best. Think before you blurt out textual diarrhea. Opinion is opinion, but you're bound to get called out on it if it's stated as idiotically as your 'article' here.

Yes, lots. Male and Female.

Where the heck have you been hanging out?

Ok, looking for some clarity here.

"Everyone always says they're bisexual, blabbing on and on about how "sexuality is fluid, and I don't really like labels"--but usually I find these are just gay men who are afraid to come out."

Two dubious claims here:
1) Everyone always says they're bisexual.
2) [U]sually I find [everyone is] just gay men who are afraid to come out.

This is really interesting, because my everyday experience actually involves very few declarations of bisexuality. Even with bisexuals I only have these discussions a couple of times a year, and monosexuals very rarely tell me they're bi. Very far from your experience of constant, universal, blabbing.

Also in my experience, gay men don't make up more than about 5% of the people I encounter. While I suppose it's possible that all men who appear to be straight or bi are actually secretly gay, the theory you are proposing here - that most people who appear to be *women* are actually closeted gay men - is radical and deserves more theoretical and empirical support.

Are you preparing the ground for a radical new understanding of sex and reproduction?

Or have you just taken too many party drugs and you can't think or write clearly any more?

Please clarify.

As i am bisexual(and female) i am curious why this question even exists. what does sexuality really matter? why cant we just talk about people in general. not about who they are attracted to???

Boy, talk about a guy who's displaying his shortcomings to the world! You need to get out more, honey. Bisexuals (of both genders) do exist; if a het like me understands this better than you do, you need help.

there's also the confusion between culture and sexuality. not everyone has time in their lives to maintain two completely different social circles. so, you may be mislead into thinking that the bi fellows you meet (presumably in gay settings) are 'just' gay (and maybe curious or maybe closeted) and that every hetero-seeming suburban dad who does dudes is just heteroflexible or so horny he needs to get it where he can, rather than either being 'really' bi.

you don't need to "effortlessly glide[s] between those two dating pools without a second's thought or self-consciousness" in order to be truly bi. that would require a feat of uncommonly suave social skills, simply because the flirting/dating/fucking conventions and rules of each of those dating pools is so different from one another. but, that has no bearing on simple sexual attraction.

What a shame. You have this open forum and you choose to use it to perpetuate myths about sexuality that need so desperately to be quashed.

Of course some people are bisexual. It's hurtful and dangerous to suggest otherwise. It's hard enough to navigate this heterocentric universe as a bisexual as it is.

Step out into the world and take a good look around. Attend events. (There are plenty in NYC alone.) Read books. (Sexual Fluidity by Lisa Diamond for one.) Aren't you known for being in the know? Come on.

Sure some people might be hiding behind the label. But most of us are just trying to live happy lives and hope that one day everyone will accept and understand that there is no one sexuality.

All the best,
Jenny Block
Author of "Open: Love, Sex, and Life in an Open Marriage"
www.jennyonthepage.com

First off, you should know that bisexuals don't have to be "equally attracted to both men and women," they just have to be attracted to both. Secondly, as someone who IS equally attracted to both genders, I have something to say to this;

What is painful about this is to read it as someone who has known herself to be bisexual since she was five years old, and having someone doubt my very existence. I have never understood why it is that people, both gay and straight, can sometimes find it so difficult to believe that bisexuals know who they are. Instead, you suggest that when people watch me, they think I'm "full of shit." You fail to grasp that behind the sexuality is a person, and no one else can know that person as well as they know themselves. Your insensitivity slams against all pf my self-peace.

Thanks for that.

Dude, you owe bisexual peeps an apology for this trash.

This is just plain ignorant.

I believe Mark Simpson said it best:

"Fear and loathing of male bisexuality is something tends to bring heterosexuals and homosexuals together. Instead of pondering the possibility that public attitudes towards male bisexuality are a truer, less censored indication of what many people actually feel about male homosexuality in general and its enforced incompatibility with masculinity, gay men too often rush to condemn bisexual men and reassure heterosexuals: don’t worry, you’re not being homophobic when mouthing off about bisexual men coz we hate them too!"

http://www.marksimpson.com/blog/2006/04/26/curiouser-and-curiouser-the-strange-disappearance-of-male-bisexuality/

Michael

I am a female that is fully bisexual. In my early teen years I knew something was different for me. I felt attracted to both men and women, but did not know there was even a name for it until late teens, when a girl friend of mine kissed me for the first time, telling me she was bi. I finally found my place and could identify myself. From that first kiss, I have explored my sexuality with both men and women for 26 years. I am certainly not confused, I am not jumping any fences, I am loving life with both sexes. I am married, children, have a wonderful sexual relationship with my man and with my woman. My husband knows of my bisexuality and highly encourages me to persue my ongoing female relationship. BTW, this is MY bisexual relationship. Not once does he interfere, nor would I interfere with his bisexuality or his relationships.
We are a unique couple as in both bisexual, both monogamous to each other and to our outside partners.

There was a time that we explored the field together. I can say, that we found a couple men that were more interested in him and a few men that were more interested in me. As with any other "dating pool" as you will, people are people and we are all indivials, looking for different things in relationships. Would I have called these men str8 or gay, playing the field pretending to be bi to just have sex. Who knows. It was not my place to judge there sexual interest, it just did not match what our interest were.

I find it so sad that bi's are discriminated against by the gay/lesbian community............the same community that has fought so hard to have their own right for identity and freedom. The community is still fighting for rights i.e., marriage. This same community shuns bisexuals. Why I ask is that???

I'm glad that so many people agree with me about what a fucking self-indulgent judgmental asshole you are. Thanks for making the struggle for equality that much more difficult, and for reinforcing the idea that all white, upper-middle class middle-aged men are just as full of hate regardless of whether they're gay or straight. You, sir, are the problem, and what makes me sick is that you're comfortable with that.

You treat being gay like a crime that must be confessed to.

David:

Yes, complete with one-drop rule. I feel like a quadroon.

Michael's comments just make me feel even more isolated and less likely to be honest with my gay or straight friends. The cliche is lonely at the top. Who thought it would be so lonely in the middle?

I guess thats one way to show you are a prejudiced little prick. :)

Also, you don't have to be equally attracted to both genders to be bi; I'm a biguy with a pre-dominant heterosexual aspect. Meaning that I could never live without a woman but could easily live without a guy in my life. Doesn't make me straight though.

Suggesting bisexuality is a phenomenon, or that bisexual men are closeted liars is offensive and outright wrong!

I would like to introduce myself to you. I'm a middle aged bisexual male that is truly equally attracted to men and women, both socially, physically and sexually. I have been all my life. I'm not in the closet, I'm out to all my family and friends. I'm married to a wonderful straight woman - who I dearly love - that accepts me and finds male to male affection and sex to be hot also.

We date men together and are seeking another bisexual male as a husband/partner hoping to form a co-habitating equal triad.

We attended Pride every year, I'm a member of Sothern Bears of Atlanta, we together visit Gay Clubs and find ourselves at home in the GLBT community - however some people like you - don't think I really exist, or that I'm lying or ashamed to admit who I am.

YOU ARE WRONG, you are as narrow minded as some straight people. I'm not having a problem picking a team - I like both, it's not a choice, it's not a lie, it's not a cover up. I love people of both genders, both have many common attributes but are also very different - I could not image life without love affection and sex with both males and females, together and separately.

I have no second thoughts - I have wonderful thoughts of my lovers both male and female.

I'm not self-conscious about my sexual identity - I embrace it and love life, while it took me some time to understand that I was truly bisexual - just as it probably took many others to accept that they were Gay, I am Out Proud and as happy as anyone else in this world trying to find love and acceptance in modern society.

I am not alone, we will only date other bisexual men, and there are lots of them out there, yes some are married and closeted, yes some are divorced and questioning, some are single. Some may perfer men more than women, some more women than men but they are still bisexual neither straight or Gay but a little of both.

In short Bi folks are just like everyone else, straight folks and gay folks, we love our lovers and seek happiness and we have many complicated social interactions just like everyone else. I accept you as the G in GLBT, why won't you accept me as the B in GLBT.

Please don't be so BiPhobic - it is offensive and has no place at the voice.

Hi,

I'm a real bisexual. I'd have no reason to stay in the closet about this since I'm also transexual; MtF transexual to be exact. Yeah, so I'm not totally typical anyway, but I know plenty of people, both men and women, who are truly bisexual. People who don't have any trouble admitting their attraction to people of the same gender, but to people of the opposite gender as well. Just wanted to weigh in on this.

~N

Yes, I know a couple of guys who I'd call "true" bisexuals. One is married but is unashamed of his past flings with boys & continues to be a big ol' flirt.

The other guy I know is a total metalhead who's dated both women & men and has never really expressed a firm preference.

I can't imagine why ANYONE in the gay community still wants to argue about this....we have bigger fish to fry...
I've been an out gay man since 1973 . . .from age 19 to 21 I went to be d with a half dozen women.....many more men....I never thought of myself as bi-sexual; I was a walking raging hormone at the time....the mere fact that people desired me turned me on.
I believe Kinsey was onto something when he established his scale....I consider myself a five.
I've met MANY people whom I would define as "truly" bi-sexual....not because of their words so much but for their actions....they walked their talk.
There have always been these obnoxious P C types who scream oppression at the drop of a hat but turn around and do the very same thing when they encounter someone whose sexuality they don't understand. If you are one of these people....please let indulge in the healing power of getting over yourself. A) No one is forcing to have sex with a bi-sexual if you don't want to.
B) No one has to explain their desires or consensual sexual activity to anyone.
We have SO much to contend with as LGBT poeple...and nothing to gain by not allowing each other to BE.

Sure we bisexuals exist. It doesn't mean that we're equally attracted to both men and women. I think it's quite obvious that the interest in both men and women isn't 50-50, but of course it can be. It just doesn't have to be, that's all I'm saying.

I've heard this kind of talk a lot in my life, but I sure as hell know I'm a true bisexual. I'm attracted to both men and women even though it isn't 50-50. Personality means a lot to me, but I think men and women have their own good qualities in looks. They're different, but the differences attract me. And c'mon, it isn't all about sex.

And one more thing: dating usually isn't effortless. That has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

I like people who are AC/DC. But I also like straight and gay people. It doesn't matter what we are. But for your knowledge: we ARE. We DO exist. So think about that.

Hey, we exist. I'm bisexual, my girlfriend is pansexual (she's also polyamorous, but that's a long story and deals with a lot of explanation). I was asked once how I felt, being a bisexual, that gay men are using it as a bridge. I simply had to reply, "I don't care, sure it give my sexuality a bad name, but it gives them comfort. I know who I am and I don't need any other persons opinion of how I identify to justify who I am."

I like who I am, I like women, and I like men. There really isn't much more to say...

I wish it were that easy that I could just be a lesbian in the closet...I would love to come out, but I am bi I come out as that

I am bi. Not gay, not straight, but full on bisexual. I am not 50/50, but probably 80/20 given the count of people I have slept with. I am currently married, but have also had boyfriends. I don't usually talk about my sexuality because I don't think about it much, my life isn't centered around that, and I slant toward females. I have gay friends who don't get it and straight friends who don't get it. I tell them the same thing I will tell you now - you don't have to understand or believe, but you can keep your opinions to yourself.

I wonder whether Musto had any idea that he'd be piled on like this? It's a beautiful thing.

The Bisexual Index just put up an article on bisexuality which points out that it's not just about fancying men and women - there are plenty of us out here who fancy certain people of particular or any gender identity and presentation (http://bisexualindex.org.uk/index.php/Main/Bisexuality). I know bi people who predominantly fancy androgynes; bi people who only fancy high femme girls and butch men; bi people closer to gay or straight; bi people who are attracted to a whole panoply of gender identities and presentations.

No-one fancies everyone they're attracted to in the same way or to the same degree.

Oh, and Musto? Remember the commitment of Brenda Howard, the openly bi woman who was there at Stonewall and never, ever gave up her struggle for all queer people's equality. She gave us Gay Pride, and bi people of all gender identities have worked for your liberation from heterosexism and homophobia for decades. Be nice to us, Musto, because we are not going away.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brenda_Howard

Ellyn Ruthstrom wrote a great piece about this over at the Bilerico Project a few days back:

"One of the things I really value about the bi community is the way we provide a wonderful safe space for many lesbian and gay people in which to come out. What?! Don't you mean the other way around? No, I've observed over many years that the bi community has been (and will continue to be) a fabulous warming-up stage for some people who later realize they are lesbian or gay or for those who know they are lesbian or gay but need to slowly acclimate to the queer scene. I consider it a valuable service to the greater LGBT community that we are happy to oblige.

I have seen this time and time again in various coming out and support groups where a person (usually a woman because I've personally been involved with more bi women's groups) starts her coming out process by sitting in on a bi group in order to feel more comfortable discussing her same-sex attraction...

... I've heard it said that bi people "use" the lesbian and gay community. That we sneak in and experiment with being queer or at least with having sex with lesbian and gay people, and then we run back to our "straight" lives. From my own observations in bi support groups, I know that lesbian and gay individuals have "used" bi space to help them through the often excruciating experience of breaking down internalized homophobia, recognizing their true selves, and allowing others to see them for who they really are. And I don't have a problem with that at all. Come in, have a seat, use us for whatever you need. We're in this together."

http://www.bilerico.com/2009/03/bisexuality_whos_using_whom.php

You mention that "Everyone always says they're bisexual," but in my experience, most people itentify as either gay or straight, possibly also bicurious. Saying that one is bisexual has nothing to do with not wanting to use a label; it is a label itself. You ignore the fact that yes, even bisexuals face coming out issues and prejudices. For instance, most people assume that all bi girls are sluts. Some of them are, but then again, so are some straight and lesbian girls. You also failed to mention that as a person changes, their sexuality may change, too, or they could be sexually confused. When I came out as bi, most of my straight and lesbian friends asked me if I was sure, because they were not used to people being equally attracted to members of both genders. You treat bisexuality as if it is a choice, that one wakes up in the morning and says,"I think I will be bi today." That works just as well as consciously deciding to become gay or straight. I suppose some people might take advantage of the label "bisexual," but, in my experience, those people are few and far between. I'm sorry for your limited knowledge about bisexuals and the adverseties that they face. My own mother, who is a whole-hearted supporter of gay/lesbian rights (she is straight), almost sent me away when I told her I was bi. She has seemed to love me less ever since (even though she did not send me away), and every day, I have to see the dissapointment in her eyes when I greet her after work. I only ask that you consider this when reforming you opinions on bisexuals.

Homosexuals don't really exist - they're just people who haven't met the right opposite sex person yet, or really don't want to admit they're straight.

If you disagree with that, then you can see why the idea that bisexuality is just gay people trying to cover up being gay is utter shyte. Yes, some gays do say they're bisexual rather than gay because they either aren't quite sure if they are gay, or they simply don't want to identify as gay.

Does that mean all male bisexuals (since that is the main discriminated group here)are closet gays? No.

I think think that if someone is running around calling themselves bisexual they are probably gay or lying. I think somebody that is truly bisexual will sleep with and date whoever they want, regardless of what anybody thinks.

Interesting story as for me. I'd like to read a bit more about that topic.

Bisexual is a dumb word, because it implies a 50-50 split, which yes would mean it would be almost impossible to find a "real" bisexual. But beware - anyone who uses the word I am a "real" anything is the one you should be suspicious of. Read up on Lisa Diamond, she followed 100 women for 10 years to chart their changes. Anything of the sort has yet to be done for men, although seeing as bisexuality is MUCh more threatening to hetero norms than female bisexuality, its no fucking wonder you don't hear people shouting it in the street.

It is certainly interesting for me to read this article. Thank author for it. I like such themes and everything that is connected to this matter. I would like to read more on that blog soon.

Noo! Im using my iphone and I cannot seem to be able to open the page correctly. I will be back to read this later when I get home from school. The title seems like something I need to read.

Have I ever met a bisexual? Yes, quite a few. And I'm one too! I've slept with a lot of boys, and girls over the years and had a lot of great sex (and awful sex) with both genders.

When I first started seeing men I thought that "I was on the journey to being gay" and wondered when I should come out. Unfortunately for the biphobes out there, I'm still having too much fun with the female gender to possibly be described as gay. To confound the biphobes even more I am very much in love with my girlfriend of 18 months. So, do I still fancy men? Yes. Do I still fancy women? Of course, I'm in love with one (and have the most amazing sex!).

:-)