Ever watch a porn movie and think, "I wish my genitals were feeling that"? Well, now you can get just that effect with Real Touch, a device whereby "haptic technology lets you feel what you see on the screen." Haptic who? I have no idea, but just get one and stick it in, if you don't mind.

The gadget is sort of like a Fleshlight, but more interactive, allowing you to push your business into its orifice and supposedly experience the sensation of various sex acts as you simultaneously watch them unfold in a movie. Picture a sort of sensory 3-D, with you convinced you're actually getting the same hummer as the steroidy hulk onscreen. I think I'll use it with Sophie's Choice, so my dick will learn what it's like to give one of its kids to the Nazis.