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Featured

The Worst Movie of The Year!

By Michael Musto, Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 3:30PM
Comments (11)
Categories: Things I hate, film

i_hate_valentines_day.jpg
I thought nothing could top Spinning Into Butter, the leaden, completely uninspired race drama starring Sarah Jessica Parker, who'll surely live to forget it. But we already have a new nadir in '09 cinema: I Hate Valentine's Day written by, directed by, and starring three-time loser Nia Vardalos, who has a big, fat bomb here.

It's bad enough that Vardalos plays a florist with two pseudo-campy, completely stereotyped and sexless gay assistants who seem fresh out of an early '90s sitcom. It's even worse that the film lamely makes fun of such ancient targets as modern art and karaoke, for God's sake. And that Vardalos and John Corbett meet cute, fight cute, and go through some contrived breakups just so they can patch things up and make the film's 90 or so choppy minutes seem very much longer.

But the worst offense is that Vardalos, in some extraordinarily weird acting choice, plays every single line smiling like a lunatic! Even when she's angry, the harpie is grinning like some crazed hyena! After 20 minutes, I couldn't look at the screen anymore because the woman could not stop her bizarre habit of smiling through every single shitty line! It became unbearable and was, in fact, the opposite of infectious!

Nia's grin will surely fade when she reads the reviews, one of which suggested that, given the poor box office potential here, she will learn to hate Independence Day too.

Comments (11) Write Comment
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More About:

  • Nia Vardalos
  • Sarah Jessica Parker
  • John Corbett

Comments (11)

CMG says:

When Roger Ebert wants to kill after this and that other postcard Greece film, maybe it is just time to stick to writing about your relatives.

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 3:33PM
jumpers says:

Worse then My Big Fat Greek Wedding the sitcom? I doubt it.

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 3:34PM
gagme says:

I find her about as lovely and appealing as a dental drill, though Connie & Carla had a few laffs.

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 3:34PM
CMG says:

Musto the description of the whole thing reminds me of this horrific film I saw on one of the HBOs that somehow had Paul Rudd and Michelle Pfeiffer each entering the dating game lying about their age. Right down pat to Graham Norton, with an American accent and of course lisp, as the super gay assistant.

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 3:46PM
Cha Cha Walters says:

I saw last week that My Life in Ruins is at the dollar theater already - less than a month after it came out! Holy shit.

She was on tv a few weeks ago bragging that it had tested higher than any film that that particular studio had ever released! Holy shit.

What's her fucking problem?

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 4:04PM
Anonymous says:

Connie & Carla - Was I projecting, or was there a scene where when David Duchovny "accidentally" kisses Vardalos, who he thinks is a male transvestite, he says "Yuck" and staggers away. Later, when he finds out she's an actual woman, he's in love with her - same person, same looks, same everything - and when they kiss at the climax, a shaft of light beams down on them. I couldn't take any more...

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 4:37PM
Musto says:

Yep, I remember that. It was shockingly similar to the Crying Game scene where the guy starts projectile vomiting on learning what I knew from the first frame--the lady has a penis.

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 4:52PM
little edie says:

funny, i could smell it long before it even it the theatres.

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 9:06PM
nostradavid says:

if you sat through the whole thing, it couldn't have been the worst. what are you doing at a lame chick flick anyway? was the lure of a comp ticket irresistable?

Posted On: Monday, Jul. 6 2009 @ 11:15PM
CMG says:

Apart of Musto died to save us from sinfully seeing this film. Respect him!

Oh and Nia Vardalos promoting the other movie like she is carrying the women's movement is gag worthy.

Posted On: Tuesday, Jul. 7 2009 @ 12:56PM
Barkley says:

I thought her first film sucked grape leaves. And wasn't well written and had few laughs.

Posted On: Tuesday, Jul. 7 2009 @ 10:46PM

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